Say You're Mine(42)

This, right here? This was all he needed to be happy. His Lauren. He’d been a fool not to see it all along.

“Shit,” he said, swiping the tears of laughter off his cheeks. When he glanced at her, she was red and breathing heavily, her cheeks wet. Smiling, he smoothed his thumbs over her soft skin, drying hers, too. They locked eyes, and for the life of him…

He couldn’t look away.

Slowly, her gaze dipped down to his mouth, and her lids drifted shut. It would be so easy to kiss her. To forget all about the future, and defining who they were, and figuring their shit out before they got naked again. So damn easy.

But for once in his life, he didn’t want to do that.

He wasn’t looking for a quick fix or an orgasm.

So he pulled back. “Your turn to ask a question.”

“Oh. I guess that was a question, huh?” She licked her lips, her small pink tongue darting out to tease him, making his decision to be good even harder. “Okay, uh…did you like baking today?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled at her question. “It was all right, but I liked what we did on the counter even more.”

She bit down on her lower lip. “Me too.”

His dick hardened even more in protest at all this talking. “My turn.” He took a deep breath. “Are you too scared to take a chance on me?”

She fidgeted. “I…no.” She paused. “I don’t think I am.”

Relief filled him, and he couldn’t help it. He leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her with all the excitement that filled him at her answer. When he pulled back, he trailed his knuckles down the side of her face and smiled. She smiled back.

“Ask me anything.” He pulled her against his body. There was a moment where she stiffened, and he was sure she would push away from him. She didn’t. Instead, she curled up against him like that was where she belonged all along. “I’ll answer.”

She rested a hand on his heart. It sped up. “You said that you finally felt like you, for the first time in forever, when I kissed you. I wasn’t aware that had changed.”

Silently, he thought about it. Really thought about it. “I wasn’t, either, until last night, when you were sleeping. That’s when it hit me. I haven’t been myself since I came home. Since I left my team, and the SEALs.”

“Oh.” She tipped her face up to his, staring at him with so many unasked questions. And, oddly enough, he was ready to answer them all. To finally open himself up to someone, completely, and trust that it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass. “Do you miss it?”

“Every damn day,” he admitted. “Sometimes, I’m not sure how to be me without my team behind me, watching my back. And the reason I lost them haunts me every day and night. I dream about them. About what I could have done differently.”

She shook her head sadly. “You can’t do that to yourself.”

“Yeah, I can. It was my fault.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d never admitted it out loud before, but it was true. “And that’s all I’m gonna say on that matter.”

She stiffened, going a little bit pale. “I don’t believe you.”

He closed his eyes, reliving that day in hell. Gunshots sounded in his head, and blood splattered on the dirt and sand in front of him, and the screams of his men filled his head. When his superior told him it was a raid to check for any ammunition in an abandoned warehouse, Steven sensed something was off with his story.

But he hadn’t called him on it.

“Well you should. I killed them.” He swallowed hard. “I killed them all. It was my fault.”

He could still hear Morgan as he shouted it was a trap. He hadn’t finished his sentence before a bullet hit him in the throat.

He choked on his own blood, and no one had been able to save him.

Not even Steven.

The rest had fallen, all around him, and the only one to walk away from that fucked up day had been him. To this day, he still couldn’t figure out why.

He should have died, too.

If he had called his superior out on his lie, they would still be here today. And he would still be with them, keeping them safe.

“Steven…”

A tear escaped her eye, and she quickly wiped it away like she didn’t want him to see. Too late. A part of him wished he could cry, too. Grieve. Move on.

But he never would.

“My turn,” he said quickly, interrupting her. He’d talked about that day long enough. He needed to clear his brain. Quiet the screams of his men. But still, even though it was hard to talk about, with her, it didn’t feel so bad.

With her, it was freeing.

If anyone else had asked, he wouldn’t have been so honest. He would have said it was time to leave his position in the SEALs, or that he’d been ready to move on, all the bullshit he usually spat out when people asked him questions like that. But the truth was, he’d been forced out by a well-placed shot that limited his ability to aim and shoot properly. So…it had been a desk job or retirement.