Safe and Sound(49)

The closeness they’d shared was gone and Lola didn’t know if it would ever come back, but there was no reason they couldn’t be friends.

Stop pushing people away.

She smiled, a small laugh falling from her lips. Lola reached across the console and hugged her friend, feeling a little more whole. “I’ve missed you.”

Sebastian squeezed her to him. “Me too.”

“One condition.”

He pulled back, grinning. “What’s that?”

“Stop being my bigger, more muscular shadow.”

“Deal.”

Lola opened the door and got out; Sebastian followed. She immediately longed for the cool interior of the car, her skin rapidly damp with perspiration.

They walked up the porch steps. At the door, Lola took a deep breath and turned. There was something she had to say, something they needed to discuss if they were ever going to move on.

“I remember what you said to me the last time we talked, before we stopped talking all together. That had nothing to do with my avoidance of you. You know that, right?”

Sebastian averted his eyes. “Yeah. Sure.”

He didn’t believe her. Was that why Sebastian had kept his distance for so long? Had he been embarrassed? The things he must have thought.

Lola touched his shoulder. “Sebastian, it had nothing to do with you asking me out, although the timing was really terrible.”

He looked at her, caught her smile, and shook his head in self-derision. “I tend to have bad timing a lot.”

She didn’t want to cross-examine that comment. “Is that why you started dating Roxanne? Because you were hurt?”

“Partly.” He looked toward the street. “I mean, Lola, we were together all the time, since we were kids. And then, bam, out of nowhere, you didn’t talk to me anymore. Only it wasn’t out of nowhere ‘cause I’d just confessed to you that my feelings for you were changing and I thought we owed it to ourselves to test out dating.”

Lola looked at her tennis shoes. “Only I said I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

Sebastian sighed. “Yeah. There was that.” A sad smile formed on his lips. “Like I said, at first I was mad, hurt, and acted like I didn’t care you were avoiding me. I kept my distance too, nursing my wounds.”

“Dating Roxanne,” she interrupted dryly.

He ignored that. “But, after a while, I really missed my friend. And that’s what I realized you would always be; my friend. From the way you were acting, I thought it was too late for us, that we couldn’t go back, that you hated me.”

“I’m so sorry, Sebastian.”

“It doesn’t matter now. I wish I had known, Lola. I wish you had told me what was going on. I could have helped. My mom and dad too. You’re like their kid to them too, always have been.”

“He said he would hurt you. I couldn’t risk it.”

Sebastian stared at her, finally nodding. “I understand why you did what you did. I don’t like it, but I understand. I would have done the same, if it meant protecting you.”

They were silent, both digesting their exchanged words.

“Can I ask one thing?”

Lola glanced at him. “Sure. Anything.”

“Why wasn’t it a good idea? I’m curious.”

How did she answer that? Lola trailed a hand along the back of a wicker chair, choosing her words carefully.

Maybe at one point, for one fleeting instant of craziness, she had thought of Sebastian as being possible as more than a friend, but Jack had completely wiped out any such notions with one surly look and mocking comment. And Lola was more prone to think it had been loneliness and longing for her friend more than anything that induced the insane thought anyway.

It wouldn’t have worked. Sebastian was too much of a friend to think of any other way.

“We grew up together. You were like my brother, Sebastian. I’ve seen you pee yourself. You’ve had my puke on you.” Lola smiled when he shuddered. “I guess, we were too close, if that makes sense. It’s hard to be romantic with someone who knows all the disgusting things you’ve done throughout your childhood. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “It does.”

Lola was beginning to feel more like herself again, just standing there talking with Sebastian. It was wonderful. It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that was okay.

“So. Rachel, huh?”

Sebastian shoved his hands in his pockets, conspicuously not looking at Lola.

“She’s a good person. We’ve always been friends. She’s sweet,” Lola added approvingly.

“As opposed to?” One eyebrow lifted.

“Not going there.”