Ruthless In A Suit(8)

And now here he is, sitting next to me, looking as devastatingly handsome as I remember.

“That sounds amazing, Levi,” I say, finally, when neither of us can take the silence any longer. “You seem happy.”

He shrugs, and his jaw muscle twitches. “I’m okay.”

I sigh, knowing I’ve hit on the thing we’re not supposed to be talking about. And now I don’t know what to say. Have I ruined it? Is this where we part, exchanging pleasantries about keeping in touch but both knowing this will be the last time, because it’s all too painful? Have we come to the end?

“Well, you seem good, Levi,” I muster, my throat dry. I will myself not to allow the tears to fall down my cheeks. Please don’t cry. Not now.

At least wait a few minutes until he’s gone, I tell myself.

“Cadence, there’s something I have to say.”

I suck in a breath.

“Okay,” I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. I force my gaze to meet his, and for a moment I see a glimmer of the old Levi, the one who was filled with determination. The one to whom no one said no. And even though that Levi nearly broke me, he’s also the one I fell in love with. And seeing him there in this new package breaks something open inside of me, something I’m not yet ready to name.

Levi leans in. “What I did to you was absolutely inexcusable. I could spend the rest of my life apologizing for it, and never even come close to doing my penance. I’m surprised you’re even speaking to me right now, to be honest,” he says. “But I’m so glad that you let me sit and tell you about what I’ve been doing. Because my life is so much better now than it was, and I wouldn’t have anything if it weren’t for you.”

“Oh Levi, I’m sure that’s not –“ I say, but he cuts me off.

“It’s absolutely true. I was headed down a dark road, and the fact that I concocted that horrific plan to begin with was evidence of how bad it had gotten for me. I was going nowhere. I was a miserable man with nothing meaningful or good in my life. And you changed all that. You showed me who I was, and what I was becoming. And I did fall in love with you. Harder than I ever thought possible.”

“Levi, please,” I say, and my voice is shaking now. My entire body is shaking. Because this is officially too much now. I can’t.

I can’t be strong when he’s saying these things to me.

But Levi presses on mercilessly. “I don’t blame you for leaving. You absolutely should have. It’s who you are, and it was why I loved you in the first place. And that’s why I gave up the money and the estate.”

I let out a long, slow breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. My thoughts are swimming around in my head as if they’re the little flakes in a snow globe after a child has given it a furious shake. I’m trying desperately to grasp one – just one – and yet it’s all too much to take in. His admission, the things he’s saying and how different he even sounds. This changed man who I loved once, and who, if I’m completely honest, I never really stopped loving.

I don’t even know where to begin. “This is a lot to process,” I say.

But it’s more than that. I’m also terrified. Terrified to allow myself to feel this way again, knowing how badly I could be hurt again as well.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he says, sensing my confusion. “Really, if you want, I can just get up from this bench, continue on my walk with Oliver, and we can leave it at that. But I just want to say one last thing before I go.”

I can feel the itch behind my eyes, telling me they’re on the verge of welling up with tears. I don’t trust my voice at this moment, so I simply nod.

“Once I started loving you, I never stopped. Not for a moment. And not now. But I know that what I did hurt you too much to ever pick up where we left off.” His voice is brittle, and I know he’s trying to wrestle his own emotion at this moment. “But if you think there’s a chance, I’d like to start over.”

I suck in a ragged breath. “What would that even mean, Levi?” I ask.

“Let me take you out. On a first date. The kind we never had, because I fucked everything up so royally. But, maybe…maybe we can get to know each other.”

It’s so absurd that I can’t help but bark out a laugh, which makes Oliver’s ears perk up at our feet.

“I’m sorry, are you really asking me out on a date?” I say, dazzled by what’s happening right now.

He shrugs, knowing it’s the only card he’s got left in the deck, so he may as well play, and play it hard. “Yes, I really am asking you out on a date,” he says. The corner of his mouth quirks up into a hint of a smile, and he looks at me from beneath impossibly long eyelashes. “Cadence Fallon, will you go out with me?”