Ruthless In A Suit(7)

CADENCE



This is not how I expected this moment to go.

I’ve fantasized about running into Levi a million times over. In most of the fantasies, I dressed him down so thoroughly that he was barely the shell of a man when I was done. Sometimes I broke down crying, which still (at least in my fantasies) broke him. More than once I imagined balling up my fists and clocking him in that gorgeous face of his.

I certainly never imagined his dog – his dog! – leaping into my lap, and then me inviting him to sit down and catch up. And yet from the moment I first see him, racing after the galumphing yellow lab who’s racing towards me, all thoughts of malice disappear from my mind.

Levi’s wearing a pair of relaxed khaki pants, a navy sweater, a pair of brown leather hiking boots, and a black coat that hangs open. I can see the way his clothes still hug his body, particularly around his chest and broad shoulders.

I notice that his hair has grown a little longer and is a little less tamed, the curls falling over his forehead with more ease. I can see the shadow of stubble across his still razor-sharp jaw.

He looks just as I remembered, and yet somehow even better and more relaxed. I can tell right away that there’s something different about him, and not just that he’s gotten himself a dog.

I try and rekindle some of my past anger, some of my burning fury that’s kept me away from him for so long. Because looking at him now, I can already feel myself going to putty.

Don’t fall for it.

Just because you miss him more than someone dying of thirst in the desert misses water—just because seeing him again is like breathing again after a lifetime of holding your breath--don’t allow yourself to have hope.

Levi will take that hope and use it against you. He’ll never change. He will only hurt you again.

But I can’t help it.

I’m just not that strong, and the way he looks at me, the kindness in his eyes—it feels too good and too real to walk away so quickly.

Instead, I ask him to sit with me, and tell me this long story of his life over these last few months. He blinks at me for a moment, then quickly drops down next to me.

It takes only a moment for Oliver to realize that their walk is on hold, and he curls up at our feet instead.

Meanwhile, I sit in stunned silence listening to Levi tell me about leaving Maxon Law and starting a new firm with Logan and Julia. He tells me about his pro bono work, and how he’s really enjoying taking it to crooked landlords and bosses trying to fleece their undocumented employees.

He has that same flash in his eyes from his days of high-powered corporate takeovers, the same fierceness, only now there’s more humanity in his voice as he speaks.

He tells me about locating the new office in his old house, and how he divided the property to accommodate the firm, leaving him with the upstairs rooms as an apartment.

Levi Maxon, living in an apartment?

As I watch him, his arm slung casually over the back of the bench, talking about taking immigration cases, I can’t help but feel like he truly is a changed man.

My heart surges. If only this was the man I’d met in the very beginning.

Why couldn’t we have started like this? Two people meeting in a park.

Why did it have to start in such an ugly way between us?

“And so yeah, I’m still basically working insane hours, but when you literally live at the office, it doesn’t seem so bad,” he says, coming to the end of his tale. He reaches down and gives Oliver a pat on the head, sending the dog’s tail thumping on the pavement in delight. “And I’ve got this guy to keep me company when I’m working late, so that helps.”

I realize that he’s done and that it’s my turn to speak a beat too late.

I fear I’ve made it awkward, or maybe shown my hand. Because over the last few minutes I’ve felt it all creeping back in. I want to keep those feelings at bay – I’ve done such a good job shoving them down and hiding them from view.

But this is all too much.

He’s just as I remembered, and yet better. He’s done all that I would have asked him to do, but without me doing the asking. And it’s clear that it wasn’t because of me.

Because as we sit there in that moment of silence, I feel him start to get uncomfortable, too. He’s getting nervous, awkward, a strange look for Levi Maxon to be wearing. He clearly didn’t expect to ever see me again.

Little did he know that for the last month that I’ve been temping at a publishing house on Boylston, I’ve been taking my lunches out here in the Public Garden, enjoying the last bit of outdoor time I can before winter descends for a dark, cold four months.

And I’d be lying if I didn’t wonder if I was lunching right in his path, if there was a possibility I might see him. Sure, I had a book in my lap, but I almost never got through more than a page or two, my eyes always scanning the passing crowds, looking for him.