Rush (Gods #2)(28)

I'm exhausted. I haven't slept all night.

I picked up the phone a dozen times to call Ares and chickened out. I  don't know how to explain to him what's going on in my head. I don't  want to tell him because I don't want to alert him to the one thing I'm  afraid he'll do-leave.

Which is stupid because he's done that exact thing.

I didn't want to tell my dad, for fear that Ares would leave me. And he's left me anyway because I won't tell my dad about us.

Confused? Me, too.

Some great frigging logic I have there.

But then I never claimed to be smart.

"I'm done."

I don't even know if we're still together right now.

I'm trying not to panic.

He never said, We're over. He said, "I'm done."

But then, isn't that basically the same thing?

Jesus. What a mess.

I can't believe how badly I've screwed things up.

I thought getting clean meant I'd make smart decisions. Apparently, that's not the case. I'm stupid whether I'm drunk or sober.

I had this great guy, who I didn't want to lose, and I've lost him anyway.

Now, there's only one thing that's going to fix this-I hope … and that's telling my dad about me and Ares.

And pray to God that I'm not too late to fix things with Ares.

I guess, if I am, then I don't have to worry about my dad getting into Ares's head and him dumping me.

That would be funny if it wasn't so damn sad.

I walk up the stairs, heading to my dad's office. Ares isn't here today.  None of the players are. After a game, they don't come into train for a  few days.

So, at least it's giving me a chance to talk to my dad before I see Ares.

I knock on my dad's door and push it open, popping my head around. He's at his desk, eyes on his computer screen.

"Hey, you got a minute?" I ask him.

His eyes come to me. "Of course."

I walk in, letting the door close behind me, and take the seat across from him.

"What's up?" he asks, pushing his keyboard aside and folding his hands on his desk.

"I'm seeing Ares. I like him. We're dating," I ineloquently blurt out.

Aside from a twitch in the corner of his eye, my dad doesn't react. There's nothing-no annoyance or anger. Just an eye twitch.                       
       
           



       

"I didn't lie," I continue in the silence. "When you asked me a few  weeks ago if I was seeing him … well, I did lie. I said Ares and I weren't  friends, and we were, so yeah, I lied about that, but you didn't like  me riding with him, so I didn't want to tell you that he was my friend  because … well, yeah. Anyway, now, he's more. I like him. A lot. He's good  to me." Not that I deserve it. "He wanted to tell you straightaway,  about him and me, but I wouldn't let him because I was worried about how  you'd react, that you'd be pissed and maybe … talk him out of being with  me."

I see the first sign of reaction on his face since I started talking. His brows pull together in what looks like consternation.

"That's what you thought? That I'd talk him out of being with you?"

I swallow down my dry throat. "Yes."

"Jesus … " He scrubs his hands over his face. "Ari, I know it probably  doesn't seem like it … I know my past actions have given you reason not to  believe this, but nothing or no one is more important than you. You're  my daughter. You have and always will come first.

"And my concerns about you and Ares came solely out of my concern for  you, not that you might tarnish his reputation. My worry was that you  weren't in the right place to be starting a relationship with anyone.  You're just getting your life back together, and Ares, he's in the  public eye, which means you'll be in the public eye if you're together,  especially with you being my daughter. It's newsworthy, and I didn't  want you to have to deal with the added pressure."

"Oh." I bite the corner of my lip, chewing on it, feeling a bit stupid.

Okay, stupider than I already am.

"I'm … sorry, Ari."

"What?" I nearly fall off my chair in shock.

My dad does not apologize. Ever.

He sighs out a breath. "I'm sorry that I made you feel that way, that  you couldn't talk to me, and that you thought that Ares's reputation was  more important to me than you."

I fasten my hands together in my lap in front of me, staring down at  them. "Well … it's not like you've ever given me any reason to think  different," I say quietly.

"I know."

That brings my head up. Have I slipped into an alternate world? One where my dad apologizes and talks to me?

"I'm just … I'm not good at this." He moves a finger between us. "Give me  eleven two-hundred-pound-plus players on a football field, and I can  handle them with my eyes closed. But my daughter … I don't know where to  start. How to talk to you. And I just … I want you to know that I am  sorry."

Two apologies. Definitely twilight zone business here.

And it's not an apology for everything he's done wrong. But it's a start.

I nod, acknowledging his remorse, my own words stuck in my throat, which is clogged with emotion.

"Okay … " He exhales, sitting back in his chair. "Even though I do have my  concerns for you with the press, out of all my players, Ares is the one  guy I would trust with you. He's a good kid. So … I'll notify the PR team  and have them ready to handle it when the press gets wind of your  relationship."

If I have a relationship left.

"I appreciate that. But can you, uh, wait until I speak to Ares?  He's … not very happy with me at the moment." I fidget in my chair,  putting my hands under my thighs and sitting on them.

My dad frowns. "What do you mean, he's not happy with you?"

"Well, we, uh … kind of got in a fight about it last night"-a big  fight-"about keeping our relationship a secret. He wanted to tell you. I  asked for more time. He got mad and walked out."

"And that's why you told me today."

I bite my lip and nod.

"I'm glad you did tell me. Where is Ares today?"

I shrug. "Home, I'm guessing."

"Okay then, I'm giving you the rest of the day off to go and see him."

"You are?" I say, surprised.

"Well, it's the least I can do. This is partly my fault."

"Uh … thanks."

"Do you need a ride into the city?"

"I can get the bus."

He shakes his head. "I'll drive you."

"I appreciate that, Dad. But … I don't think it's a good idea for us both to go see him."

My dad laughs low. "Ari, I wasn't planning on coming to have a  heart-to-heart with you and Ares. I was just going to drop you off at  his place and then come back here."                       
       
           



       

"Oh. Right. Well then, it's a yes to the lift." I smile.





"Thanks for the ride, Dad." I reach for the handle to open the car door. "I guess … I'll see you tomorrow at work."

"Ari?"

I stop and look at him.

"Could we have dinner tomorrow night? Ares is welcome, too."

"Okay." I nod slowly. "I'd like that. And I'll let you know about Ares. I guess it depends on if he accepts my apology or not."

He smiles, his eyes softening. "He'll accept it."

"I hope you're right." Then, I do something I never do. I lean over and  press a kiss to my dad's cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dad." Then, I  climb out of his car, closing the door behind me.

I walk into Ares's building. I give the security guard a smile and a  wave, and I head into the elevator and hit the button for the eighth  floor.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to contain my nerves.

Feeling like this … really makes me want to have a drink. Something to calm my nerves.

But I don't have that option, so I just breathe through it. In and out. I  don't have time to adopt the lotus position and focus. So, good  old-fashioned deep breaths it is.

The elevator pings, and the door slides open.

I'm reminded of the time when I first came here to apologize to Ares for  lying about canceling on him and to tell him that Luke was my sponsor.  That's the first time he kissed me.

And here I am again, walking to his door to apologize. Only he isn't waiting in the doorway for me this time.

Lifting my hand, I knock on his door and then wait.

The door swings open, but it isn't Ares who answers; it's Missy.

"Hey." She smiles widely, like she's genuinely happy to see me here. "How are you doing?"

"I'm … okay, I guess," I say with a shrug and a small smile. "Is, um … Ares around?"

"He's upstairs on the twelfth floor. He went for a swim." My confused  look has her saying, "There's a gym and pool up there for residents to  use."

"Oh, okay. Well, I suppose I'll go up there and see him. Wish me luck."