Rumor(33)

Josh stood at the front door of Safe Haven the following evening holding a bag of craft supplies that should have lightened his mood. But the unease that had gnawed at him all day remained.

By the time Grace had finished cheer practice and gotten to the club, the place was buzzing with activity. She’d barely had time to shoot him a smile and a “Hey, how’s it going?” before she’d been swept up in the vortex of schedules, music choices, costumes, and dance routines.

And their lack of communication after what they’d shared the night before had left him feeling insecure and disconnected. He didn’t want their encounter to become a one-time, casual, off-the-cuff fluke, and he was afraid that was exactly how Grace had seen it.

He shook the worried thought from his head and knocked, hoping spending some time with Carolyn would preoccupy him for a few hours while Grace was working.

Tammy greeted him with her typical enthusiasm and led him through the living room and into the great room, where he found Carolyn snug in a lounge chair with ear buds in.

“I don’t want to disturb her,” he said, pausing just inside the archway.

The great room had been turned into a Christmas wonderland, and smelled like a pine forest. A live, twenty-five-foot noble fir reached into the cathedral ceilings, twinkling with multicolored lights and glistening with tinsel. Figurines decorated every horizontal surface, more presents had been stuffed beneath the tree.

“Nonsense.” Tammy urged him forward by the arm. “She’s had a really good day. This is the best time to visit. I just wish Grace could spend some time with her today.”

Tammy rubbed her hand on Carolyn’s shin to get her attention. Her eyes opened, then focused on her caretaker, and Carolyn smiled, one of those warm, comfortable smiles. She reached up to take a headphone from her ear when her gaze darted to Josh, and she paused.

His gut tightened. He didn’t want his presence to spark another setback for her.

Slowly, her smile broadened. “My Lord, Josh? Is that you?”

Relief eased his shoulders. “Hey, Carolyn.”

He leaned down, gave her a one-armed hug, and kissed her cheek. She smelled of soft perfume and powder.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh, son, how are you? It’s been so long. How’s the shoulder?”

Jesus, she remembered? He was still reeling from her remembering him at all.

“Better. Much better.” He pulled back and crouched beside her chair. Her eyes were watery with emotion, and she stroked his face with a cool, frail hand. “You look amazing.”

“Aw, you’re sweet,” she said, patting his cheek. “Is Gracie here too?”

“She couldn’t get away from work tonight.”

“That little girl.” Carolyn lowered her hand. “She works so hard. I wish…I wish I could have done more to make her life easier.”

“She seems pretty darn happy.” Josh covered her hand with his and squeezed. “And you’re a great mom.”

Her smile softened. “Gracie will be better. She’s going to make an amazing mother.”

Grace. A mother. The idea warmed a place deep in his belly. Why hadn’t he ever thought of that before? “I’m sure she will. She learned from the best.”

A smile of gratitude fluttered over her lips. If Josh hadn’t seen Carolyn lose it yesterday, he wouldn’t believe she needed to be in a home. She was completely lucid and sharp, her blue eyes watery but direct.

“Isaac should have given her a baby,” she said. “If he had, they might still be together.”

Josh’s mind drifted backward. Whenever he’d brought up the subject of children to Beck, his teammate brushed it off, telling him Grace wasn’t ready. “Did she want one?”

Carolyn laughed softly, her expression filled with love. “Oh, yes. From the moment she and Isaac got serious. And then, even more when he was gone so much.” Carolyn shook her head, her gaze going distant again. “She was so terribly lonely. She had me, but I was always working or tired. A baby would have been such a beautiful addition to her life. In Grace’s eyes, the sun would have risen and set on her child. But Isaac…” She shook her head, then shrugged.

Beck was selfish. Josh didn’t need Carolyn to tell him that; he knew. But Beck also had to be selfish. He was a warrior. His mission in life was to protect his country. Any other mission diluted focus. And there was no room for straying focus as a SEAL. Josh had been selfish during those years too—it was the very reason he hadn’t asked Grace out when he, Beck, and the rest of the team had met her at a restaurant where she’d been waitressing. But Beck hadn’t had the same reservations.