Ruin .(77)
He sighed and kissed me hard. “I am fighting it.”
“Listen to me.” I pulled back and gripped his face with my hands. “No giving up. I won’t give up on you, so don’t you give up on you. Okay? This is not the end.”
Wes cursed. “I need you to be prepared that if it—”
“Nope,” I interrupted as I kissed his cheek. “I’m not even going there. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Someone brilliant once told me that when you tell yourself you can’t do something, or even entertain the possibility, the body starts giving into defeat. It’s weak like that. The mind tells you that you may not make it, so you start to sink—”
“Hmm, sounds familiar.”
“I started sinking,” I explained, rubbing his cheeks with my thumbs. “I sank because I told myself I was drowning.”
“I’m not drowning.”
“And you aren’t sinking.” I kissed his mouth. “You’re floating, just like I floated. You just have to stay above water a little bit longer than most people, but I promise the end will be worth it.”
“Is there skinny-dipping in the end?” Wes tilted his head.
I threw my head back and laughed. It felt good to joke with him. “Absolutely. Lots and lots of skinny-dipping.”
“My favorite.” His lips were warm against my neck. I arched back as he trailed kisses down the side of my jaw.
I collapsed onto him and kissed him as hard as I could. We fell asleep talking and kissing. Every time I woke up I kissed him again, and every time I fell asleep it was to him kissing my hair, my neck, telling me stories.
Later Lisa and Gabe came into the room, we decided that the best way to not dwell on the future was to occupy ourselves. First we played BS, then we watched a few Christmas movies, and ate popcorn. Lisa fell asleep first, then Gabe, and then me. The last thing I remembered before my eyes fanned closed was that the nurse was going to have a field day when she walked into our room. Gabe was stretched out in a chair, Lisa was lying on the small bed for family, and I was sprawled out on top of Wes.
I fell asleep with a smile on my lips. Friends. Best friends. I had them, and I had Wes. I tapped the rhythm of his heart with my fingers, allowing the cadence to put me into a deep sleep.
Chapter Forty-Three
Most people die without experiencing even half of what I have in the past few months. Incredible. I have an incredible life. I woke up feeling thankful. Even with the cancer. I woke up feeling grateful.
Weston
I laughed when Kiersten moaned in my arms. It was time for my last dose of medication. They wanted to do one last cocktail before I went in for surgery the next day.
“How are you feeling?” Angela asked as she inserted the clear liquid into my IV bag.
“Like a rock star,” I lied. I felt nauseated and dizzy.
Angela laughed. “You look healthy, strong.” With a grin she pulled out her stethoscope and pressed it to my chest. “Good heartbeat.”
It was all the same, but for some reason she gave me more hope. Her eyebrows drew together, and then she removed the stethoscope and placed her hands on my chest. She closed her eyes and I could have sworn she started crying.
Awesome, so now I was hallucinating from the medication.
My tongue felt thick in my mouth. I pointed to my throat, and she immediately removed her hands and dropped something else into my IV. The thickness dissipated.
“Anaphylaxis.” She shrugged. “These drugs tend to do that, but now that you have epinephrine in your system, you’ll be able to take them.”
“Epi—what?”
“Fancy word for anti-allergy meds.” She winked. “And sorry about that. It’s just the craziest thing. Your heart… its rhythm is stronger than it was yesterday, that’s why I pressed my hand against your chest. Strange, really.” She shrugged. “At any rate, congratulations, Weston. This is your last dose of medication.”
“I don’t like the word last.”
Angela smiled warmly. “Remember what I said, sometimes the end is the beginning.”