Rose(70)

The dogs, disturbed in their slumber, jumped up barking. But Rose was too familiar to be worth more than two or three listless howls. They sank back to the floor, their heads dropped on their paws, before she had disappeared into the dusk.

She couldn’t stop the tears running down her face any more than she could stop her feet running aimlessly into the night. She had to get as far away from the anger and the bitterness as possible. It seemed her whole life had been filled with it. No matter where she went, it followed her.

She caused it. She carried the seeds with her.

No, she wouldn’t accept that. She had been happy until the war brought an end to everything kind and gentle. The anger, hate, and bitterness had come with the defeat and the Reconstruction that followed. And regardless of how unfair it might be, she was inexorably bound up with these powerful feelings, feelings so strongly imbued with their own energy that no one, individual or government, could control them. They ripped through towns and families, destroying lives as wantonly as the guns had destroyed people and property.

It was time she stopped trying to fight it. It was time she stopped being foolish enough to think she could win.

The pain in her chest forced her to stop running, to sag against the corral fence. Her chest heaved as her breath came in short gasps. The bull, chewing its cud in the moonlight, turned his head to stare at her out of vacant eyes.

Over the sound of her ragged breath, she heard footsteps. George. She should have known he would follow. She desperately wanted him to. He was the only one who could heal the wounds in her soul. And her heart. Only his arms would make her feel safe and secure.

God, when would she ever learn? She was such a fool!

George’s family came first. That was the reason he had remained silent all week. That was the reason he hadn’t told Jeff to curb his behavior or leave.

That’s the reason he hadn’t given in to his desire to hold her in his arms or kiss her. That was also the reason he agreed to take her to Austin even though he knew she wasn’t planning to come back.

Why had he followed her now? There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t cause her more pain.

“Are you all right?”

She didn’t turn around. She didn’t need to. Even as a disembodied sound coming out of the night, his voice was comforting. How could anything that deep and solid not be an unfailing support?

“I’m fine. I just didn’t want to sit through any more fights.”

“Monty always—”

She whirled to face him. “It’s not Monty or Hen, and you know it.”

“I don’t know what to do about Jeff.”

“There’s nothing you can do. He has to do it himself. And don’t you even think of mentioning his arm.”

She was too angry to choose her words, think about his feelings, or remember not to criticize. She had held her silence too long.

“Jeff has used that arm like a whip ever since he got back. I know you don’t want me to say this, but I can’t help it. He’s used it to keep you defending him, to keep you from being as close to the twins as you want. You said your father was selfish. So is Jeff. Don’t interrupt,” she said when he started to speak. “I’ve listened until I can’t listen any more. Coddling isn’t going to make him feel differently. You’ve got to cut him loose. Let him sink or swim by himself. If you don’t, he’ll pull you down with him. And your family as well.”

“I know that.”

“Then why haven’t you told him?”

“Because he’s my brother. I can’t turn my back on him.”

“So you’ll turn your back on yourself, your other brothers, your career, and me. You’ll let him make everybody miserable.”

“You’re not coming back from Austin, are you?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Why? And don’t you say a word about cooking and cleaning. Peaches McCloud would do it better than I can.”

“Peaches can’t do anything half as well as you.”

Why couldn’t he talk like that all the time? Why did he have to wait until she was leaving to say something nice?

“It would be pointless to come back. Nothing will have changed. I’ll still be a Yankee. Jeff will still have lost his arm. You’ll still be waiting for your chance to go off and join the army.”

“We need you, and not just for your cooking. You’ve helped us start to feel like a family.”

“Until Jeff found out I was a Yankee.”

“Zac needs you. I never realized how important it was to a little boy to have a woman around, someone who wouldn’t expect him to be anything but a little boy.”