Roman-2(Lane Brothers, Book 5)(133)

“Yup. He’s got the speed and the build to make it.”

This is the first time we’ve been alone in almost two months, not since the night I’d left and while it’s awkward I can handle it. So what if my heart is trying to pound its way through my chest cavity and so freaking what if my stomachs fluttering?

“May I?”

“Sure, just don’t try to pick her up please, the little hellion just fell asleep and she can shatter glass when she gets woken from her nap.” I warn, shifting over to make room for his broader frame.

“I won’t. I learned that lesson the hard way last weekend when Davy picked her up to cuddle.” He chuckles, sitting way too close. “You look exhausted imp.”

Well gee, thanks.

“Aw and here I was so sure I looked like a super model after giving birth to a child the size of a small person.” I say sarcastically, my ego stinging at the put down.

“No.” he sighs and sits back, his hands ruffling through his hair. “I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t beautiful.”

I snort and pull a face, keeping my eyes glued to the drills out on the field because looking at him is not a good idea. Damned post pregnancy hormones.

They say that you’ll get better after the birth but that’s total bullshit. I’m a walking bag of emotions right now. I’d cried during a chocolate ad for goodness sake, not sure if I was crazy or just Jonesing for chocolate I can’t have till I lose at least some weight.

“Imp, I, can we talk?”

“About?” I ask, pretending to fiddle with a blanket as he turns towards me and rests a hand on the back of my seat.

I can smell his cologne and take a quick silent sniff that almost has my eyeballs rolling to the back of my head with need. I miss that smell and the steady comfort it had represented. I want it so badly some nights when Immie is keeping me awake and I’m dead on my feet.

If I had that smell I wouldn’t be up by myself or obsessing with terror about my ability to care for Immie or the fact that I feel gross and totally inept most of the time.

If I had the smell I wouldn’t be alone and right now that is something I want more than my next breath.

“Us, I-”

“There is no us Devon.” I say tonelessly, sitting up to meet his eyes with what I hope is a clear, trouble free expression.

I see him blanch and resist the urge to take it back and offer him…I don’t know what but I want to ease the tension I see bracketing his lips and smooth the guilt from his eyes.

“I didn’t sleep with her imp. I swear. I kicked her out as soon as I heard you leave and I…”

“It doesn’t matter. I had no right to do or say anything at that stage. You made that very clear. I tried to force something on you that you told me you didn’t want. You made sure I understood that and you helped me see that I was making an ass of myself. End of story. I should actually just say thank you.”

“Imp.”

“Er, look, I think I should go. Day was right it is a little too windy for Immie to be here. Tell him I’m sorry for cutting out early and that I’ll call him later.”

I pick up the chair holding my daughter and wait for him to kiss her goodbye before bolting back to my car and making my way home.

When I get there I lay Immie down in her cot and flop down on the sofa, my heart and body a mess of contradictory emotions.

Does it matter that he didn’t sleep with the blonde bimbo who’d made me feel like an unattractive wildebeest? Yeah, it so totally does. It matters so much that I feel a weight I hadn’t known was still there ease off my tired shoulders.

The problem with that is that it shouldn’t. We’re done. Finished. I shouldn’t feel like smiling and doing a jig in celebration, something I’d been perilously close to doing before my reasoning had kicked in and I’d made a hasty escape.

Dammit. I am way too happy that all he’d had left over from that night was a face full of lipstick and a hard on, and that does not bode well for me.





Chapter Thirty Five




Dev

“Well, that went well. Not.”

I flip Davy off and start the car after he hops in, his eyes trained on me as I put the car into gear and pull away slowly.

“Shut it lad.”

It’s all I have the heart to say as we make our way back home to a house that no longer feels like a home. I’d spent so long taking imp’s light in my life for granted and trying to push her away that I hadn’t realized how empty it would be when I finally accomplished my goal.

Christ, I can still remember the agony in her eyes that night and the way her lip had trembled before she’d bitten into it to stop the movement. She’d been so hurt and defeated that I’d almost thrown that blonde tramp out the door and fallen to my knees to beg her not to cry.