Roman-1(Lane Brothers, Book 5)(29)

“Melissa, sweetheart—”

“Sweetheart my ass. You, I will deal with when I have the strength and patience to look at your face after what you put me through.”

“But, darling, you need to understand—”

“Oh, she understands just fine, Jimmy boy. Now stop upsetting my sister and get your ass out of here before I lose my temper,” Miah growls.

“I…”

She frowns darkly and I see Jim deflate before closing his mouth in defeat.

“Right now all I can think about is that Roman and I need to talk,” she growls, scowling so fiercely that I see poor Jim swallow before taking a step back. “Boys, if you don’t mind.”

They all give me one last look and kiss Mel before Ma smiles sadly at me and herds everyone out. I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when Ma doesn’t make a move toward me and Mel stands stiffly at the door before closing it and coming closer.

“Baby girl.”

It’s all I can manage to say before she’s rushing towards me and throwing herself into my arms with a tearful laugh that hurts my ribs but feels too good to deny.

I’m crying, too, because Mel isn’t one to show her emotions so easily. It tells me just how overwhelmed my girl is right now. For me.

“I am so glad you’re okay. It almost killed me when you didn’t call me back and…”

“Shh, baby girl, shh, it’s okay. It will all be okay now,” I croon, kissing her hair and face and any part of her I can reach before she pulls away with an embarrassed laugh and swipes at her eyes.

“Sorry. I…I guess I’m just hormonal. I—”

“I know about the baby, Mel. Miah told me.” I smile, reaching a hand out to her when she steps back and her smile drops a notch.

Her eyes are moist again and I see her battle back tears as she walks over to the window and stands there for a minute or two, just staring at nothing.

When she turns back I know that something is wrong.

“I came here today because I needed to see you and prove to myself that you’re okay. I needed to know for sure that you are really out and safe and they can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Baby—”

“And I also came to tell you about the baby because I knew that you’d be happy to know…but…but I can’t do this anymore, Roman. I have more than you or me to think about now, and I can’t be in this situation again. I know I put out this tough vibe and want everyone to see me as if I’m strong and indestructible, but the truth is that I’m not. I’m just me, and I hurt as much as anyone else does,” she says softly as silent tears run down her cheeks.

“I know that. You think I don’t know?”

“I think you do. I think you know me better than any other person has ever known me, so it hurts even more knowing that you see the real me and yet you so easily discarded me when my use ran out.”

“No! No, that’s not true, Mel. I wanted to protect you.”

Her lips twist and I see her anger when she looks me dead in the eyes and shakes her head.

“Really? Because from where I’m standing my boyfriend left me all alone in a little cabin out in the woods and went off to fight demons that I had to face on my own. You fought for everyone else but me. You left me, Roman, and after I begged you to come back because I needed you, you denied me.”

Her words hit home and I almost choke on my own self-hatred. She’s right. I was so busy fighting my own demons and trying to prove myself worthy of the life I’ve been given that I failed her. Again.

The knowledge makes me feel sick and I gasp in a breath when she smiles sadly and lays a hand on her flat belly.

“This baby is the best thing that ever happened to me, and for that and many other reasons I will probably always love you, Roman. But I can’t do this with you anymore. You’re a knight who will forever be on a quest while I’m just me, a woman who wants more than to sit at home waiting for you to come back to me, or to one day hear the news that you died for someone else.”

“I can change, Mel. I swear—”

“I don’t want you to change, Roman. I’d never want that. I fell for you because you’re kind and strong and compassionate enough to really care about other people. I love that about you. It just makes for a bad boyfriend, and right now I need more than to focus on something I can’t have.”

“You have me!” I yell, feeling my desperation spike when she removes the little butterfly chain I gave her the night I promised to come back to her.

“You don’t have me. Not anymore. I gave you a chance and you blew it on a mission,” she whispers mournfully and I feel myself break.