Republican Party Reptile(41)
The intellect cannot function in such an environment. The mind doesn’t work without order and rank. Thus Hollywood people can hardly think. And when they do think, they think the strangest things:
“The Grenada invasion must have been wrong because no one has written a best-seller about it yet.”
“A lot of people think it was just Robert Redford, but if it hadn’t been for Dustin Hoffman there never would have been a Watergate exposé.”
When had at all, intelligence tends, like fame, to be quantitative. Ask someone if a record album is good, and he’ll give you its position on the Billboard Top 100 chart. Ask someone how his six-year-old daughter is, he’ll tell you her IQ.
In Hollywood the smallest exercise of the mental faculties becomes a Sisyphean task. You’ll be standing in line at a movie theater and the ticket seller will ask the person in front of you, “How many?”
“Oh, wow,” comes the response. “There’s, you know, me. That’s one. Then there’s this woman I’m with. I mean, I’m not really with her. We both see other people. But, like, we’re together tonight except we don’t know whether our relationship is growing or not. So there’s her. That’s two. And then there are these friends of ours. But they didn’t make it . . .”
In fact, the human soul cannot function in such an environment.
There is general agreement that primitive societies are valuable resources. Mankind benefits in understanding and knowledge from the preservation of native cultures. But I don’t think any ethical social scientist would object if we got rid of this one.
Dinner-Table Conversation
The Book of Proverbs says, “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.” But a dinner with brilliant conversation surpasses herbs, ox, and love combined. The best pleasures of the feast proceed from the lips, not to them.
As a scene for conversation, dinner has great advantages. The company is gathered closely together. Interruptions are discouraged. And performing one of the few pleasant bodily functions sets a happy mood. Also, there is another use available for the mouth. This is important. Statements and responses may be composed while teeth glean the inside of an artichoke leaf, while a bite of something more substantial yields respite when you’ve chatted your way into a cul-de-sac. And a drink of wine loosens the expressive tongue and reins the critical ear. The only better place for conversation is bed. But unless you have ultramodern standards, that limits the guest list. And even then, having five or six people in your bed is more likely to cause talk than conversation.
Any kind of dinner is not sufficient, however. A tea or buffet won’t do. It may be an indication of today’s Freudian obsessions, but few modern people can talk with anything in their laps. Dinner must be a sit-down meal. And the number of guests must be small, seven at most. Conversation is not a spectator sport or a relay race to be run up and down a banquet table seating fifty. There should be no visual obstructions such as immense floral centerpieces. It is impossible for a guest to make any but the most pastoral repartee when his face is framed in mums. Also, the food has to be of a kind which allows one guest to look another in the face while eating. Corn on the cob is bad. Spaghetti is worse. French onion soup is unthinkable. Emphasize refreshments. The better the wine, champagne, and brandy, the stronger and brighter the talk. Eschew the guest who doesn’t drink. He’s too likely to talk about why he doesn’t. Also avoid hard liquor. The grape evokes the muses. But there is something in spirits distilled from grain that brings forth domestic animals. Gin martinis are particularly dangerous. Guests are reduced to dogs in their communicative abilities—sniffing and nipping at each other and raising the hair on the napes of their necks. The best way to beg off serving martinis is to keep only the worst brands of sweet vermouth in your house.
Of course, the guests must be carefully selected. Mix good talkers with good listeners. And don’t confuse good listeners with people who are simply quiet. Furniture is quiet. A good listener listens with enthusiasm. He encourages the talker, asks pertinent questions, is able to expand upon the subject or deftly change it if the talk has become monochromatic. A good talker must have all the qualities of a good listener plus an ability to hold forth at length: to tell a fully rounded anecdote, make an elaborate jest, convey news in piquant detail, or give an unexpected coif to the feathers of reason. And a good talker must be able to do this without inspiring other guests to pitch him out a window. Such people are invaluable. They give the rest of us time to eat.