Relinquish(39)

Has he been here before? Been within only a few days of our city? An even darker thought makes my pace slow. Has he come into Thalar without my knowing?

My stomach begins to pinch uncomfortably as I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter, but deep down, I know it does. How can it not?

He told me he would come back. I knew even as he spoke the words that he didn’t mean them, but what if something else had forced him to return, just like back at Drakon’s hideout? What if someone commanded it?

I grit my teeth as I duck low to avoid a low-hanging branch jutting across my path. It’s feathery needles brush along my head as I pass under. As I straighten, I realize there is a slight stickiness left on the back of my neck.

The longer we walk, the more I realize it bothers me that Bastien doesn’t talk. Shouldn’t he say something to me? Maybe an explanation for why he showed up just in time to save my life and then disappeared before I awoke. But with that question comes another that makes my throat clench. Shouldn’t I be thanking him for saving my life?

It bothers me that I know nothing about him now. Kyan had been very strict about not allowing me to know of his whereabouts. I’m not sure if he did this at Bastien’s request or for my own good. Either way, for over a year, Bastien just dropped off the face of the planet.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Aminah kept tabs on him through Toren. It would make sense for her to do that, not just for herself, but for me as well. She knew all too well what his leaving did to me. She, being the motherly figure of our small band of friends, always felt responsible for each of us. Although Bastien may not have been part of our group for long, he became family, and families don’t give up on each other, no matter how far apart they are.

Watching as he adjusts my pack on his back, I wonder for the hundredth time what his base looks like. I’ve heard tales from soldiers who move from squadron to squadron. They all seem to be in agreement that Bastien is not only a good leader, but a strict one at that. Funny that the boy who used to love to break all of the rules is now the one enforcing them.

Who are his friends? The people he confides in before heading into battle? Has he regressed back into his old habits? When I first found Bastien, he was alone in the Thalar, amidst thousands of enemy soldiers. He was a renegade, a hermit with a purpose.

A part of me thinks he liked having no one to order him about. He liked his freedom, to what little extent he could be free trapped within the confines of enemy territory. He had no one to care about. It was the way he wanted it… until he met me.

I blow out a shaky breath. Why am I doing this to myself?

Using my sleeve, I wipe my brow clean of the sweat that clings just below my hairline. Stray beads curve along my forehead, curling down into the corners of my eyes where it burns, blurring my vision. Despite the freezing winds, I feel warm.

I pause to lean against a tree, its light-colored bark smooth to the touch. It rises high over my head, so high that I have to crane my neck to see the handful of branches that spider out from the top ten feet. We don’t have trees like this where I’m from. Their unusual beauty isn’t lost on me as I unscrew the cap from my canteen and greedily suck down several gulps.

The water splashes out around my lips, pouring from my chin and onto my shirt. “Are you all right?” Bastien asks, coming back for me.

I’m sure he is taking note of the color that stains my neck and cheeks. “Yeah. I’m good.”

He gives me a knowing look and slings my pack off his shoulder, dropping into a crouch beside it on the ground before he reaches into his own bag. “I have some food to hold us over until we reach camp.”

He pulls a small cloth bundle from the pack and holds it out to me. “I didn’t realize we were so close to your base.”

“We’re not.” He resumes rummaging through the pack for a cup. “I meant our camp. In the woods. We are still a three-day’s hike from my base.”

The dried venison that I just bit into goes down with great difficulty as I swallow it whole. Anything is better than wolf meat. “Three days?” I choke, pounding on my chest.

I snatch my canteen and take another long drink, easing the burning in my throat. It settles heavily on my stomach. When I finally look over at Bastien, I can see his frustration. “Did they tell you nothing about this?”

“If you mean Kyan, then no, he told me nothing apart from what I’m supposed to be stealing.”

Bastien grinds his back teeth as he thrusts up to his feet and plants his hands on his hips, the silver cup dangling from one of his curled fingers. “Why would he do this? It doesn’t make any sense.”