Refuge(53)

Nikolas says we –

Solmi! the Mori cried, and a wave of emotions blasted me and left me gasping. I was dimly aware of someone speaking to me, and it took me a few seconds to recognize Nikolas’s voice. I opened my eyes and looked into his worried ones.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I replied, trying to focus on him and watch the demon at the same time. “This is so weird and kind of intense.”

“I imagine it is. I think that’s enough for now.”

“But I just started.”

His eyebrows lifted a fraction. “You’ve been at it for over an hour.”

Disbelief rippled through me. “I have?”

“Yes, and you don’t want to overdue it.”

“Okay.” I closed my eyes and looked at the demon that had not moved. I hate to do this when we are just getting to know each other, but I have to put you back now.

Back? it asked, and I felt its fear and sadness.

For now. I actually felt guilty about forcing it back, but I was not ready to have a demon running free in my head. I didn’t know if I would ever be ready for that.

The Mori surprised me by retreating of its own accord back into its prison, but its anger and pain touched me even after the wall went back up. I opened my eyes and was shocked to find them welling with tears.

“Sara?”

I pulled away from Nikolas and wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “I’m fine. It was just . . . not what I expected.”

“What happened?”

“We talked a little. Well, I did most of the talking.” I stood and walked to the water’s edge, too full of nervous energy to sit. Nikolas was still sitting when I turned to face him again. “I can’t describe it. What is it like for you?”

“I feel my Mori’s thoughts, but they are almost like my own thoughts. I don’t talk to it like I would to another person.”

“Oh.” I felt a little deflated at his answer. Why did everything have to be so different for me? Why couldn’t I be like everyone else for once?

“Don’t do that.” His voice was firm as he walked to where I stood. “You’ve made great progress, considering your fear when we started.”

“I know. It’s just . . . never mind.”

“Tell me,” he ordered gently.

I picked up some small stones and started tossing them into the lake so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “Nothing about me is normal. I’m probably the only one of my kind in existence, and I don’t fit in here like the other trainees. I can’t fight, and I hate killing. What kind of warrior doesn’t like killing? I don’t even connect with my Mori the way the rest of you do.”

He took one of the stones from my hand and sent it skipping far across the surface of the lake. “Your Fae blood does make you different, but that doesn’t mean you are not as much a Mohiri as the rest of us. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting to kill.”

“My Mori is afraid of me. I bet you don’t have to worry about that with yours.”

Nikolas shook his head. “No, and that will change for you once you and your Mori learn to join. Trust me; all it wants is to be one with you. Without that, it has no purpose.”

“It said my power burns it. I promised not to hurt it again, but what if my Fae power keeps getting stronger?

My question took him off guard, and he stared at me for several seconds. “Is your power getting stronger?”

“Yes.” I told him about the strange bursts of power I’d been experiencing and the coldness I’d felt in my chest twice. His eyes widened when I explained what I’d done to the bazerats and the lamprey demon, and he was silent for a good minute after I finished talking.

“Have you told anyone else about this?”

“Only Tristan and Roland.”

He nodded. “Good. Keep it between us for now and let me know if it happens again.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Fear crept into my voice. “Will my Fae power hurt my Mori? Could I hurt another Mohiri?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” he said uncertainly, and my anxiety grew. “The way I see it, you’ve had the two of them inside you your whole life and if you were going to hurt your Mori, you would have done it by now. Did you feel like your demon was in danger when you had these flare-ups?”

I thought about it and realized I hadn’t felt any fear or pain from my Mori either time. “No.”

“There’s your answer then.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “Let’s not worry about that unless we need to.”

His confidence eased my fears, and I took a deep breath to relax. “What now?”