Ransom(95)

“She gave me pointers in talking about emotional stuff,” he corrects. “Something I plan to continue to work on.”

“Yeah?”

He looks embarrassed, but nods. “I’m going to start seeing a doctor of my own. I think it’s time I start dealing with some things.”

“Wow. I think that’s great, Dad.”

We’re both quiet for what feels like a long time, staring out at the vastness of the lake. For the first time that I can remember, though, the silence isn’t awkward. It actually feels nice to sit here with him.

“I meant what I said before. You told me the same thing, that night.” His voice sounds sad, the hopefulness of the last few minutes absent. “I should have told you about your mom a long time ago.”

I swallow. I recalled that therapy session, the night he had finally told me, the night I tried to kill myself. I would never forget those words leaving his lips.

“Your mother didn’t die in a car accident,” he’d said, his voice flat, unemotional. “She dealt with depression for many years and committed suicide when you were three.”

I stared at him in horror, feeling as if the foundation of my entire world had been taken away. As he tried to explain all his reasons for keeping it from me, I sat in silence, my anger and pain growing.

I finally screamed, “You’re a fucking coward, and you should have told me!”

He and the therapist talked to me for a long while after that, but those were the last words I uttered to him before I woke up in the hospital the next day.

“You told me I was a coward,” he says, shaking his head. “And you were right. I can tell myself that I was trying to protect you all I want, but the truth is, I was a coward. I didn’t want to take away the image you had of her.”

I realize that my head is pounding, a surefire sign that I’ve been crying too much. I’m tired of crying, tired of feeling sad and overwhelmed. I stand, brushing the sand from my jeans. “Let’s get out of here.”

He looks up at me in surprise. “What?”

“Let’s go somewhere. I don’t know, get lunch or something.” I shake my head. “I think we’ve covered enough heavy shit today, don’t you?”

“Language, young lady.” But his lips are turning up at the corners. “Yeah, let’s go get cheeseburgers.”





Chapter Twenty Nine


Daisy





After stopping by the house to tell Levi where we’re going and get my dad’s car, we drive into town. I see that Levi had a point—the place is pretty quaint, in a kitschy touristy sort of way. I’m momentarily worried about the heavy foot traffic, but I feel safe with my dad. Besides, I can’t hide in the woods forever. We find a diner fairly easily and order burgers and fries. My dad surprises me by ordering a milkshake. I wonder if Dr. Jacobs gave him tips on being more spontaneous, too.

“I really think you need a plan, Daisy,” he tells me while we wait for our food. “I get you wanting to hide away for a while, but it’s been more than a week. What’s next?”

I grab a napkin and start tearing at the edges. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“School starts in a few weeks.” When I don’t respond, he leans forward. “Are you worried about going back? Dr. Jacobs said we would have to deal with the loss of your anonymity.”

I can’t help but smile at his quoting my therapist. “I don’t know, Dad. Part of me is scared. People will probably know me now. I don’t know if I’ll deal with that very well. But…”

“But what?”

I chance a glance up at him. “It’s more than that. I don’t know if I really want to be in school at all.”

“Daisy, we’ve talked about this. You can’t just hang out at home. You’re far too bright—”

“I don’t mean sitting around at home. I’m not talking about my anxiety issues right now. I’m saying that even if I was a totally normal girl, I don’t know that I would want to be in school.”

His eyes narrow. “What do you want to do?”

I shrug. “I have no interest in business. I’m sorry. I just don’t. I was bored out of my head in half of my classes last semester.”

I’m glad the waiter chooses that moment to appear with our food because I’m totally terrified of his reaction. He’s always wanted me to go into business, like him.

He waits until we’ve both taken a few bites of our burgers before he speaks again. “So what do you want to do? Even if it’s not business, Daisy, you’ll be hard pressed to find a good job without a solid education.”