Quarterback's Secret Baby(76)

Alisha came back about ten minutes later with a grim look on her face. She saw that I'd been crying, too.

"Tash," she whispered, lying down beside me and giving me a big hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize - I don't know, it might sound stupid but it always kind of felt like you two were fated to be together, you know? Like you were both just going through that late teens-early twenties 'finding yourself' phase and would get back together for good at some point."

And as Alisha spoke, it occurred to me that what she was describing as her own feelings were actually mine, as well. That's why I felt so betrayed seeing those photos. Because on some level, I'd always just assumed that it would happen between me and Kaden. That it was, as Alisha described it, fate. Everything I'd told myself about him, and about us, had been lies. Flimsy lies, too, lies that just barely concealed the truth beneath them. I put my face in my hands and began to weep.

"Alisha," I sobbed, wiping my eyes. "Me, too. That's what I thought, too. I'm so stupid!"

"No," she said, stroking my hair, "you're not stupid, Tash, you're human. You loved him, didn't you? That's why you've never really dated. That's why you always try to act so nonchalant and cool whenever anyone talks about him."

I nodded. There was no more reason to try and pretend. I knew the truth, Alisha knew the truth - anyone observing the situation would have known the truth, too. How did I think I would get away with fooling everyone - and myself - when it was all so clear?

"Please," I whispered, wiping my eyes. "Please don't push me to tell him. Maybe you think this is weak or dumb and maybe it is, but I can't deal with that right now - I can't deal with him. Seeing him or talking to him. I need to concentrate on this pregnancy and on my baby. I just need to get through that, do you understand? I can't do it if I'm in the middle of a tornado, I-"

"It's OK, Tash," Alisha said, hugging me even tighter. "Shh, it's OK. I get it. You're right, you just need to focus on yourself and your baby right now. You can make decisions about Kaden and work and everything else after the baby's here. I'm sorry for even bringing this up, it's the last thing you need."

"No," I protested. "It's not your fault. I've just been in denial about a lot of things for a long time. I'm not upset because of you, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Either way, Tash. Forget Kaden for now. Forget everything except you and this gorgeous baby that's about to join us in this crazy, awesome family. That's all for later."

After Alisha left me in my room I fell asleep almost instantly. It was an awful thing to realize you've been lying to yourself. It was also, strangely, a great relief. Finally, the truth was out there. I loved Kaden. I'd always loved him. That's why it hurt so much to see those photos, it's why it hurt so much to know he was never coming back to Little Falls. Somehow, staring the truth in the face made it seem less intimidating, less likely to destroy me. People mourned lost love all the time, didn't they? People got their hearts broken every day in a billion different ways. Why was I any different?

I looked down at my bump, still sleepy from the passing storm of emotions. It was about my baby, at that moment. Not about Kaden, not about me. About my baby.





Chapter 28: Kaden


The Cowboys made it to the NFC championship game that year, a result that even twelve months previously, no one even dared to dream of. We lost by three points but it was close and I knew it was beyond the owners expectations that we make it that far in my first year. I've lost football games before - not many - but I know how it feels to lose. That game didn't really feel like losing. It felt like getting somewhere early. I was aware, however, that it piled on the pressure to make it to - and win - the Superbowl next season or the one after that.

"Just enjoy right now, for what it is," Jess told me over the phone later that night as I sat alone in my living room, decompressing from the endless stream of congratulations and interviews after the game.

I'd been telling her that now I was expected to lead the team all the way the next season. She was, sensibly as always, advising me to live in the moment.

"And I've got a meeting with some guys from Keerok tomorrow. Barry won't shut up about it."

"Wow," Jess chuckled. "They don't waste any time, huh?"

"Well, no, but they're been trying to meet with me for a few months now. I don't even know why I've been putting it off. Too concentrated on the games, I suppose."

"How much are they offering? And are you going to build a giant vault to store all that money in, Kaden?"

"Dunno," I answered. "Barry seems to think it'll be more than twenty million. Crazy, huh? Just to sell some sneakers."