Quarterback's Secret Baby(73)

"Bad idea, Kaden," he barked at me down the phone. "Very bad idea. That's just going to look even more suspicious. Just let it go - in fact, maybe that cute little red-head is interested in making a few more appearances with you, have you thought about that? I'm sure you could make it worth her while.'

I rolled my eyes. "Barry, I know this may be confusing for you, but she's my friend and I'm pretty sure she'd find it insulting if I started offering her cold hard cash to continue to be my friend."

"Sure, Kaden. No problem. It was just a suggestion. If she's willing to do it for free then you're right, there's no reason to spend money."

I was starting to suspect Barry might actually be one of those lizard-people the trashiest tabloids sometimes wrote stories about.





Chapter 27: Natasha


When I told my mother I was pregnant she cried. I'd already told everyone else in the family but I held off on telling her, sensing that her reaction might be ambiguous. She apologized for her tears almost immediately, too, but it was too late for that dagger not to have wounded me.

"It's not that I'm unhappy, Tash," she wheezed, pausing between each word - that pausing to catch her breath was getting worse, but we hadn't talked about it yet. Just noticing it happening was terrifying enough, for all of us. "A baby is always a blessing. I just - it's a big change, isn't it? Such a responsibility. I guess I always thought you would leave it a little later than I did. Have some time for yourself."

I knew that. I knew my mother had high hopes for me. She had children young and she raised them as a single mother. Not a one of us ever doubted her love for us but I knew there was a part of her that mourned the years she spent changing diapers and cleaning up barf - or that wished she had left it just a little bit later to start that stage of her life.

I sat down on the bed where she was resting and took her hand in mine.

"I know, Mom," I said. "I know you're not unhappy, you don't have to apologize. I understand that you want me to be fulfilled - to be happy. But you did it alone, especially when we were small. I have you - and Ray and Ceecee and Alisha and Rosa and all my friends. I'm not alone, not the way you were. And you're the reason I'm not alone. I'm not going to lie and say this was planned because it obviously wasn't but I've had some time to get used to it and I want to be a mom."

"I know you do, dear," my mother replied, drying her eyes with a tissue. "Maybe I'm just emotional because you're not my little girl anymore. I wouldn't trade the world for any of you, you know. But motherhood is a whole new world, you have no idea."

That's what everyone was saying to me - everyone who knew, anyway, which at that point was only the people in my family. No one at work knew, not even Jennifer. That changed by September, when the thickness around my middle began to reveal itself as a small, distinctive little bump and the time came for me to tell my friend. When I did, she immediately started to cry. I sat back, slightly shocked at her reaction, and said nothing because I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," she said, welling up again.

"Jen," I started, when the silence became uncomfortable. "I - why are you upset? My mom cried, too, you know. When I told her. I thought you would be happy for me."

"Oh, I'm not unhappy," Jen sniffled. "I just - Nat, why didn't you tell me? You're almost five months. I thought we were friends?"

"Oh my God!" I screeched, realizing what she was saying. "Jen, no! I didn't - it's not like that. It took awhile to sink in, at first. It didn't feel real. I only told the rest of my family because I was puking all the time and they were starting to think something was wrong with me. I didn't mean to hurt you, it wasn't some secret I was keeping from you specifically. I just only recently accepted that it was even happening!"

Jen gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry, Nat. Ha ha, I'm such a jerk. You tell me you're having a baby and I start crying because my feelings are hurt. You're just - I guess I'm still figuring you out. Most women would be bursting to tell everyone they knew the day they passed the three-month mark. You're not like that. Sometimes I don't know if you realize how not like that you are."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Oh, I've told you this before, but you're a bit of a weirdo, Nat. You're so damned secretive. I know what it's about - your dad and all that. I guess I just wish, as your friend, that you could be a little more trusting with the people who love you."

"You're right. I know you're right," I told her. "I'm trying. You're the first person I've told outside of my family. And I really didn't mean for it to be hurtful or an insult, not at all. The opposite, actually."