Pushing the Limits(33)

And drinking usually leads to bringing a guy home with me.

"Dude, that guy has been staring at your ass from the moment you sat  down." Zoe directs my attention to a guy standing behind me.

"Well, I'm in a very sexy red gown … I'd be worried if guys weren't staring."

"You're so humble," Zoe mocks. "You two better be getting a cab. Give me the keys," she orders.

"Yes, boss lady," I say in a condescending voice as Kendall hands them  to her. "But maybe I can get lucky and find a different ride home." I  wink and finish off the drink Zoe made for me earlier and very  ungracefully slide off the stool.

"Call me later so I know you're safe!" Kendall hollers, but I adjust my  cleavage and walk away, letting the alcohol take over all my pain.         

     



 





CHAPTER SIXTEEN

MORGAN



I slam the shot glass onto the table as the alcohol burns its way down  my throat. I should really just go to bed, but with the way things ended  tonight, it's more than necessary.

Natalia is staying over at my parent's house, so I'm left with just my  thoughts and a bottle of whiskey, which is really never a good  combination.

Jennifer. Aspen. Jennifer. Aspen.

How the hell did the evening go from kissing Aspen to walking away from Jen?

I have no fucking clue … hence the whiskey.

I want to call her, explain everything, but I know with the condition  I'm currently in, that's not really a smart idea. This whole situation  has my head in such a mess. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

But I can't stop the thoughts from swarming in. Thoughts of Jen bring me  to thoughts of Ryan and all the pain they both caused me. The guilt  from never forgiving him or even talking it out hurts me the most. Jen  shattered my heart, but Ryan was my brother. I should've at least mended  things with him.

I pour another shot and throw my head back. I should've called him. I  should've come back to visit. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have  let the bitterness and anger consume me so much that I neglected my  family for five years and waited until it was too late. He died before I  could tell him I still loved him and that we could move on from this.  But I was a coward.

The only closure I need is that he died a hero. I don't deserve anything more than that.





I wake up sometime between the sun rising and the front door slamming  shut. I'm not quite sure if I'm asleep or waking up from a bad dream.

Within seconds, I hear Natalia and my mother screaming at each other and then I know …

I'm in a real life nightmare.

Memories of the night before surface quickly as the alcohol left in my  system spins the entire room around. I curse, feeling the effects of  last night. My head pounds and my body aches.

I dress quickly and head out to the living room to see what all the fuss  is about. Natalia runs to her room the moment she sees me.

"What the hell is going on?" I follow my mom to the kitchen. She immediately begins rummaging through my cupboards.

She grabs the bottle of bourbon and a glass. "I'd like to know that, too."

"Mother, it's not even noon. What are you doing?" I jerk my head toward  the glass. She always drinks casually, but since Ryan's death, she's  been in overdrive.

"There's a reason God didn't give me a daughter. I can't take all this  emotional crap." She pours the bourbon in her glass and takes a sip.

That makes two of us.

"What's the issue? Is she okay?"

"Morgan, I don't know. She was fine at breakfast and then all of a  sudden, she copped an attitude with me. Screaming something about her  dad, how I'm not the boss of her, and she hates everyone."

I narrow my eyes. She's never talked to me like that before, so I know something serious has to be going on with her.

"I'll talk to her." I grab a glass of orange juice first and suck it down with a couple of Aleve.

"How was your event thing?"

"It was going great until you sent Jennifer," I fire back, setting the glass down in the sink. "Thanks for that by the way."

"Morgan … " she pleads as I start walking away.

"Any chance this has anything to do with Ryan's uniform?" I stop and ask, turning around to face her.

"She asked for it a few nights ago, and I just couldn't part with it." Her voice is soft, pained.

"She's eleven, Mom. She's lost both parents and feels disconnected to  everyone right now," I try and explain. "She needs something to hang on  to. Something that'll help her to not feel so alone."

She lowers her eyes, nodding her head. "I just miss him so much."

I step closer and wrap my arms around her. "I know, Mom. Me, too."

I walk her to the couch and tell her to sit and wait for me. "I'm going to go talk to her."

She nods, her eyes heavy.

I walk down the hall to Nat's room and find her sitting on top of her bed with a pillow pressed against her chest.

"Hey, Shorty."

"Hi," she mumbles against the pillow.

"Wanna talk about what happened?"

"Does it look like I do?" She presses her eyes against the fabric, wiping her eyes off.

"Grandma isn't always rational when it comes to stuff like this. She's  suffering, too," I remind her. "But I think we can work something out."

"What's the point?" she counters. "She'll just find a way to make a big fuss about it." She sniffles.         

     



 

"I have a lot of his boxes here. You can have anything you want." I wrap an arm around her shoulder and hold her close to me.

She stays silent a moment before speaking up again. "Do you think him  and my mom are up there together?" She peeks up at me under her lashes, a  small hopeful smile spreading across her face.

I smile in return. "Yeah, absolutely. I also think they're both looking  down on you right now. You have two guardian angels, and I think that's  pretty special."

Her eyes widen a bit and her smile grows. "I like that," she approves, nodding.

"Hopefully, one day this all makes sense. I don't know why bad things  happen to good people, but I know he's in a better place now. He's  probably up there dancing with your mom right now … "

She snorts. "Yeah, he's probably teaching her all of his bad dance moves, too," she says, laughing.

"Your mom was a beautiful dancer. Hopefully, she rubs off on him." I  wink at her, squeezing her tighter. Lena was a fabulous dancer all  through her high school and college days. She danced professionally for a  while before having Natalia, but once she was born, Lena devoted all  her time to being a mom.

"I hope I get to see her again one day. I hardly remember her. Sometimes  I think I do, but I don't know if it's just from something my dad told  me about her, or if I really do remember it."

"Maybe it's both, but the important thing for you to know is you never  have to stop talking about them. I'll always be here, Shorty."

"Thank you." She curls into my side, and I hold her tighter.

I place a kiss on top of her head and whisper, "I love you, Natalia."

After I'm sure she's okay, I walk back to the living room where my mom  is sitting on the couch, swirling the ice that's left in her glass. Her  head is bowed, and I know something's eating at her.

"We need to talk," I say, her eyelashes lay against her cheeks before she looks back up at me.

"I know I'm not handling this right." She frowns. "She reminds me so much of him."

"There's no right or wrong way to handle losing a son, Mom. But I do  want to know what you were thinking by telling Jennifer where I'd be. I  can't believe you even talk to her." I sigh, brushing a hand through my  hair as I think about the grudge I still hold in my heart.

"I'm not a huge fan of her either, Morgan. But she once made you happy.  She once made your brother happy, and as much as that sounds wrong, I'm  glad you had each other."

"She's also the reason I left," I remind her, my teeth clenching together.

"I know, sweetie. I know." She pats my knee in only a way a grieving  mother can. "I thought she could help give you some closure, a little  clarity."

"What do you mean? Why would she have anything to offer me?" Besides pain, that is.

She purses her lips together, her brows knitting together as she shifts  on the couch and faces me. "Do you know why Ryan made you Natalia's  guardian?"

"I assumed it was because I was her Godfather."

"Right. But after you left."

"I assumed he'd pick someone else," I respond honestly, as much as it  hurts to say it. I still remember the day he asked me to be her  Godfather. I was beyond honored, but more than that, it bonded us in a  much different way.

"A couple of years after you left, I told him he needed to readjust his  will. Make it more up to date." She pauses a moment, and I can see the  pain in her features as she talks about this. "He refused."

"What do you mean he refused?"

She shrugs, lowering her eyes. "I told him I was worried about him not  keeping his paperwork updated in the event something happened. I wanted  to make sure he protected himself considering he had a risky job. He  wouldn't do it."