Pushing the Limits(29)

I hate that I had to leave her after that, but I don't intend on staying away for long.

Aunt Mel and I go through the rest of her to-do list for the event.  Going over and over the same things I already know, but I amuse her and  listen anyway. I know talking about it aloud helps her mentally organize  everything.         

     



 

We go over the catering instructions, the wine list, the guest list, and  itinerary. She repeats herself so much, I start filling in her words  for her.

"Morgan!" she scowls.

I laugh. "Well, you've told me the list three times now, Aunt Mel. I got  it." I kiss her cheek. "It's going to be amazing. Stop worrying."

"All right. Fine." She smiles with a sigh. "I'll be relieved when it's over. Let's just say that."

"Yes, but all your hard work will pay off. I'm sure of it."

It's after seven before I finally get out of there. I know Natalia is  going to be mad, but I'm hoping the sleepover she's planned for this  weekend puts her back in a good mood.

I arrive back home with Natalia half asleep in the passenger seat. My  mom said she'd been quiet all night and couldn't get anything out of  her. So I plan to fix that.

"Wanna talk?" I ask as soon as I kill the engine.

"About what?"

"Whatever you want."

She furrows her brows. "Nothing in particular comes to mind."

"Natalia, c'mon. How dense do you think I am?"

"Well, going by your Ralph Lauren slacks, button-up shirt, and slicked back hair, I'd say it's a safe bet."

"You have way too much time on your hands if you know the brand names of my clothes."

"I have good fashion sense, so sue me." She grips the handle and lets herself out.

"What's wrong with my pants?" I chase behind her, but she ignores my  question. "We can order pizza and binge on ice cream," I offer,  unlocking the door. "But you have to talk."

I push the front door open and she steps in. "Fine. Let's talk about why you hated my father."

My breath hitches, and I swear I hear a pin drop the moment her words  hit me. But I know she's not stupid. Of course, she knows something was  up between us considering I never called or visited.

I just wasn't planning to have this conversation for at least a few more years.





We settle in with a cheese pizza and a quart of chocolate ice cream on  the couch. I know I can't tell her everything, but it's only fair she  know I didn't hate him. I was mad, sure, but I've always loved my  brother.

"Okay, so spill. I'm eating, aren't I?"

I narrow my eyes at her snarky tone. "I didn't hate him, Natalia. I  shouldn't have gone so long without talking to him. I'll regret that for  the rest of my life."

"Why'd you stop talking to him?" she asks, taking a bite.

I don't want anything I say to change how she feels for her dad, so I  sugarcoat it the best I can. "We had a disagreement. I was mad and hurt  for a really long time and instead of mending our relationship, I let it  stew."

"Are you still mad?" she asks.

"Yes. But not at him."

"Then who?"

"Myself. I'm mad about our last interaction. I'm mad I didn't come back before it was too late."

"Being mad is a lot of work," she admits.

"It is," I agree.

"Do you think God punishes people?"

Her question catches me off guard and it takes me a moment to really grasp what she's asked. "I can't say for sure."

"Yeah, me either."

"Do you think you're being punished?"

She shrugs and lowers her eyes. "Sometimes, I guess. It's hard not to  feel that way when you lose both of your parents before they even get to  see you graduate middle school. I miss him so much."

I wrap my arm around her and pull her closer. "I do, too, Shorty. But I  do know one thing … " She looks up at me with those hopeful and bright  blue eyes. "He loved you so very much. He'd want you to be happy."

"I feel guilty."

"For moving on?" She nods. "Yeah, I know that feeling, too."

"How do you get over it?"

I wish I knew the answer to that. "That's something we're going to have to figure out together."

She smiles and leans her head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head  and let her lay there until she passes out. I carry her into bed and  tuck her in as quietly as I can without waking her. I put the pizza and  ice cream away and then finish cleaning up the rest of the living room.

I sit down on the couch with a thud and stare up at the ceiling.  Thoughts of Ryan and me come to my mind. Thoughts of how close we were,  how much I looked up to him, how much we had in common.

I should've known he'd had a thing for Jennifer, but I ignored all the  signs. I didn't want to think that my own brother would go after someone  I was dating and planning to marry. Even though I was enraged, I wish I  would've given him a second chance. A second chance to explain,  apologize, admit he loved her-anything.         

     



 

I wish I had given our relationship a second chance before it was too late.

I try to hold back the tears like all the other times, but this time, I  let them fall. I let them fall so I can relieve the pain inside.

"Morgan?" I hear Nat's voice, and I quickly rub both hands over my face.

"Yes?" I stand up and find her leaning on the doorframe.

She flashes a sweet smile and says, "He'd want you to be happy, too."

Natalia's words repeat over and over in my head all night long. I try  and sleep, but sleep never comes. I think of all the things we used to  do as kids, the way we'd mess with each other, and spend every Saturday  outside.

There was a time we were inseparable. That was all before Jen, of  course. He went off to college before me, but once I met her, our time  together became less and less. There were holidays and special  occasions, but it wasn't nearly the same. We lost contact somewhere in  between, and I have no one to blame but myself.

Natalia was born and just a few years after, his wife, Lena, passed  away. It was hard on all of us, but it destroyed him. Ryan was alive,  but he was hardly living. It was obvious he was taking Lena's unexpected  death hard.

She was driving to work one day when an elderly woman hit her straight  on and was killed instantly. I tried my hardest to get closer to him  after that. Raising a child on his own and feeling lost, he started  drinking. I'm not exactly sure when he started to fall for Jen, but I  know I hadn't seen it coming. Although I should've, I was too invested  in my own little world to really see what was happening around me.

Natalia would stay with my parents a lot. I'd help by picking her up and  taking her out to do fun things. She was just a toddler, so we'd go to  the pool or park, anything to keep her out of the house while Ryan drank  himself to near a coma.

I tried to help, get him into counseling, but he refused. My mother  cried daily, wanting to help and send him to rehab, but again, he  refused.

Perhaps it was Jen's psychology background, but she managed to get him  talking. She'd spend hours over there, trying to get him to express the  pain he was feeling. I can't say I blame him for falling in love with  her. She was easy to fall for with her sweet southern belle personality.  I figured she was finally getting through to him, finally helping him  sober up, but she was just helping him replace a void that ended up  ruining all of our lives.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ASPEN



After Thursday's class with Professor Hampton, I'm more nervous than  ever for the gala tonight. I could hardly keep eye contact with him, but  he hadn't made it easy. Every time I looked up from my canvas, he'd be  staring at me with that stupid crooked grin of his with his tone arms  crossed over his broad chest. I had to remind myself not to drool and to  keep my head down.

But I hadn't been successful in trying to act normal since Ellie kept  looking at me out of the corner of her eye. I could tell she was  suspicious considering how much attention he'd given me the past six  weeks and especially since she made a few comments about us hooking up a  while ago. I can't say I blame her, though-the way he looks at me would  make a blind man suspicious.

However, I know we have to act normally when people are around. As hard  as it sounds, it's also kind of hot. It's like this little secret that  only he and I know … a secret everyone would die to hear about.

By Saturday morning, I'm antsy as hell.

Ms. Jones has been blowing my phone up all morning, double and triple  checking everything. I'm scheduled to help assist anyone with the  paintings and hopefully talk them up and into buying. There'll be  several of us walking around to help interpret the paintings for anyone  who asks, but Ms. Jones knows I've done this the most out of all the  other girls.

On top of all that, I have to fit into a gown, do my hair and makeup and  find shoes that match. I'm normally on top of it all, but lately my  brain has been preoccupied with other things.