Promise Me This(46)

He always expressed his opinions or made arguments using photography terminology. Even in that beach memory that I’d shared with Nate on the car ride up—the one he seemed so moved by—my father used lightness and darkness as a metaphor.

And while that was a favorite memory of mine—inspiring me to have my father’s words inked into my skin—for Nate, the message spoke to something different inside him. I knew it in the way he’d responded up on that bridge when I’d felt his tender lips brushing over my tattoo, over my sensitive skin. Just thinking about it made my stomach quiver all over again.

I snapped my mind back into gear, working efficiently since I knew that by the time I cleaned up the chemicals and tidied my workspace, my appointed hour would be up.

I pulled the proof sheet from the tray of fixer after allowing it to rest in the solution for the allotted time. Then I turned on the overhead light to examine my work, and damn, the snapshots I had taken over the weekend were pretty darn good.

I zeroed in on photo after photo of Nate. In my memory, I categorized them into two groups: before and after shots.

The before shots were the first snaps, the ones taken by the pond and covered bridge. They were the ones I took when we first arrived in his hometown. A sadness and restlessness was infused in his very being in all of the photos, no matter how much he’d mugged for the camera.

It made me wonder just what had gone down with his father in that childhood home, how much damage he’d caused that family. I shivered involuntarily at the thought. If Nate was that affected, I wondered what his mom had been through. Compared to my mother, who was so strong and self-assured, Nate’s mom might be a mess.

I had already seen glimpses of Nate’s brother, Luke, and now as I put the whole of it together, I got why Nate had called him a prick. You hear about the cycle of abuse and his brother unfortunately might be evidence of that. He was cocky with an almost mean edge—one I originally saw as coming from a life of privilege.

Now I tuned into the other photos. The after shots. The ones I took of Nate up on the railroad bridge, after spending the night wrapped in his arms. To me, the evidence was plain in his eyes. He looked different—relaxed, content, free.

I wondered if he’d ever be able to see that in himself.

The problem was, Nate’s kinky urges had married with his constant wicked thoughts of himself, which made this way complicated. He was convinced his dark was overshadowing everything.

But I knew without a shred of doubt that there were insurmountable amounts of light in him to give.

Right then I’d decided on something. Something important I needed to do.

***

After the darkroom, I headed to Raw Ink for my shift. I was immediately greeted by Cory who was walking his client out the door.

“How was your weekend away, Jess?” he said, turning to me after he waved good-bye. “Were there any handcuffs or bungee jumping involved?”

I held in a gasp. He never shared details of his weekends with me, so I knew he was only messing around, but his comment had hit too close to home.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be an ass.”

I looked over at Emmy who wiggled her eyebrows.

I laid down my bag. “You guys are impossible.”

Bennett emerged from the back room with a customer. She was older, wore a bandage concealing her wrist and a set of dreamy eyes that plenty of Bennett’s female customers wore for him. But he was oblivious to it or maybe just good at ignoring it. Avery didn’t know how lucky she had it.

Emmy rang the customer out while I pulled off my jacket.

Bennett leaned over the counter. “You good?”

“Yep.”

“Nate show you all the right places?”

Oh, he showed me all right, I wanted to say.

“Yeah, I got some cool shots,” I said, figuring I’d get tired of everyone’s questions by the end of my shift. The hazard of having co-workers that felt like family. “There were so many bridges.”

He nodded. “He said your car got a flat?”

Emmy’s eyes snapped up to mine.

“A leak. Got it plugged,” I said, surprised Bennett had that information. “It would’ve sucked had he not been with me.”

“Yeah, he said as much.”

“Did he give you a play-by-play?” I tried to not to make my voice sound strained.

“No. That was it,” Bennett said and I blew out a breath. “Why, is there something else I should know?”

Just then Avery walked in with her blue scrubs, and saved me from answering him. She was on rotation at the university hospital and whenever she and Bennett finished work at the same time, they walked home together.

Bennett slid his arms around her waist and gave her a quick but intimate kiss on the lips. Then he whispered something in her ear and she giggled.