Promise Me This(43)

I was on the precipice of my own orgasm and my legs began shaking as I continued driving into her.

“Give it to me, Nate,” she said, digging her nails into my back and I did, with one final hard thrust. I groaned out my release, collapsing against her, my face melding into her neck, my lips capturing the hollow of her throat.

We stayed that way—me a quivering mess, breathing her same air—not willing to lose our connection just yet.





Chapter Nineteen


Nate



With effort, I lifted my head and stared over her shoulder to the landscape down below. We were on a goddamn railroad bridge and I just had the most amazing sex of my life.

As I reluctantly withdrew, Jessie’s legs came down and found purchase on the tracks. I stepped back as if snapping out of a haze. She bent down wordlessly to gather her underwear and skirt from the ground and I caught a brief glimpse of her backside.

Her skin was swollen and red and my heart dissolved that instant and bled down to my shoes, the poison of what I’d just done to another human being seeping into my veins.

As she tugged her skirt up I stepped closer and lifted the back of her T-shirt, also witnessing evidence of our night in the hotel room. I’d marred her skin with my teeth, leaving red marks, and closer to her shoulder, what looked like the formation of a bruise.

“What are you—” When she looked back at me, her eyebrows slammed together as she took in my expression.

I was so stunned and mortified at my handiwork on this perfect girl that my legs refused to support me any longer. I sank to my knees and placed my head in my hands. “What the fuck have I done?”

I heard Jessie gasp and then felt her presence as she leaned over me. “Nate. No, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” I said, rocking back on my knees. “I . . . slapped you. I . . . left marks on your beautiful skin.”

“I had plenty of marks on my skin already,” she said, her hand snaking down my back. “You didn’t hurt me. If you did, I would have told you to stop. But that, I wanted that. I asked for it.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Look at me.” Now she dropped down to the tracks with me, but I couldn’t look in her eyes. I was afraid I’d see evidence of my worst nightmare present in them. “I did want that and so did you. And it was amazing. I’ve never had a more intense experience in my life.”

“Fuuuuuuck,” I drew out the word. Could it be true that she enjoyed it just as much as I had? How could she?

“Nate, please, it’s okay . . .”

“I . . . no . . . no goddammit, it’s not okay!” I had to get away from her so I could breathe. I sprang up and headed a few feet down the tracks.

Never again . . . it’ll never happen again.

Shit, is that what my father used to say to my mother?

I felt her heat behind me and I jerked away. “I can’t, Jessie. I can’t see what I’ve done to you.”

She relented, wrapping her arms around my stomach and leaning her full weight on me so that I was forced to rest my elbows on the railing.

“Nate, what happened to you?” her voice was soft. “What happened in that house?”

Had she guessed it? Should I tell her so she could understand how I could never be with her like that again?

I’d been keeping it a dirty little secret for so long, it would feel foreign to finally release it, let it go.

“Was it your dad?” she asked and I went completely motionless, barely allowing any air to escape my lungs.

I felt her warm lips through the thin material of my T-shirt as she kissed the center of my back. “Did he . . . hit you and your brother? Is that why you . . .”

I squeezed my eyes shut as a sound erupted from the back of my throat. Her grip on me tightened. I shook my head. “No. Not as much as he hit . . .”

I stopped myself. It would sound so ugly saying the words out loud.

“Your mom?” Her voice was small and shaky, as if unsure of whether she’d crossed a line.

Fuck, was I really that transparent to her?

I sucked in a harsh breath. That was confirmation enough.

She wriggled her way beneath my arm, forcing herself between me and the railing, so that she could be directly up against me. It felt good having her warm body so near, that I surrendered and encircled her in my arms.

She didn’t look at me, only rested her head against my chest before she spoke again. “And now you’re afraid that what you did with me was the same thing he did to your mother?”

She said it so calmly, so quietly that I pulled back to look into her eyes. Because now she saw the whole truth and there was no use hiding. “Isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not,” she said, so plainly. “What we did was very different.”