Pretend You're Mine(89)

“Were you afraid he would ...” Harper trailed off. She couldn’t even finish the thought let alone the sentence.

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. He didn’t answer his phone for days. Wouldn’t answer his door. He took care of all of the funeral plans himself and just told us when and where to be.”

“What about Joni?”

“That went about as bad as it could have. Karen was Joni’s only child and they were so close. Karen’s father had skipped out on them when she was a kid. Luke shut her out with the rest of us, and at the graveside, Joni lost it. She told Luke it was his fault that Karen wasn’t here. That he chose his country over his wife and that’s why her family was gone.”

Harper brought her hands to her mouth. “He believed her. Didn’t he?”

“I can’t say for sure because he never spoke about it, but yeah. I think he thought he was to blame.

“She was sobbing and yelling ‘You took my family from me.’ He just stood there and took it. Like it was penance. Dad got her away and calmed down, and that was the end of it. She never spoke to any of us again. She lives just outside of town and I still see her occasionally. She just kind of shrinks up and goes in the opposite direction when she sees me. Like I’m just too painful a reminder.”

“How did you cope with it?” Harper asked, braving another sip of Jack.

“I married Ty. We had been off and on in typical high school sweetheart fashion. We were off again at that point. I was worried that I was missing out on what else was out there. But when he called me that day ... he came to the house after his shift that night and we stayed up all night talking on the porch. It was like we both had realized how short life was and how we were just wasting time doing what we were doing. He proposed a month later and we got married six months after that.”

She shifted on the bench. “Part of me had hoped that a big, splashy wedding full of love and happiness would help bring Luke back to life. He was a groomsman and he did his part. But you looked at him and all you saw was a hole where his heart should have been.

“Sometimes I look at Ty and wonder if that’s how I would be if something happened to him. I love that man so much. He is such a good, solid, kind-hearted soul. And he’s not afraid to get in my way and tell me when I’m being an idiot. He’s an amazing father and sometimes I just send up a little thank you to Karen, because if it weren’t for her, I might have stayed stupid and stubborn and wanting to see what else was out there instead of hanging on to what was in front of me.”

Harper smiled. “I’ve never heard you get so mushy before.”

Sophie laughed and swiped at a stray tear. “I’ll deny it if you ever share a word of this!”

“You’ve got a good heart, Sophie Garrison Adler.”

“It’s nothing compared to Ty’s. Or Luke’s. Every once in a while, you can still see a glimpse of it.”

Harper nodded and thought of her first look at him. Those warm hazel eyes filled with concern as he hovered over her in the parking lot. Yeah, he still had a big heart in there. It was just behind a locked door.

“I see it sometimes in the way he looks at you,” Sophie said suddenly.

“Really?”

“I don’t think he knows what he feels for you or how deep he feels it. But there’s a reason he asked you to stay. And it wasn’t to take care of his house or run the office. He looks at you with this ... softness. He needs you.”

Harper poured more soda in her glass. She wanted it to be true. But craving the security of being loved made her so vulnerable.

“It breaks my heart to know that he believes he’s responsible for Karen’s death,” she said, changing the subject.

Sophie nodded and drank deeply. “It was an accident. Karen didn’t cross the centerline on purpose. The other driver didn’t hit her on purpose. It was just a horrible accident. You can’t take ownership of it. You can’t place blame for it.”

“But Luke did. Joni did.”

“Some people just handle loss like that. How about you? How do you handle not having parents?”

Harper shrugged. “That’s different. I was seven. And after a long time of not understanding you’re just kind of forced to accept and move forward.”

“I’d think a seven-year-old learning to cope is harder than an adult. An adult has reason and logic. They can understand the concept of never seeing someone again.”

“There’s no logic behind death and loss,” Harper argued. “Trying to reason it out can take you to some pretty dark places. Guilt. Blame. Hiding from your pain by distracting yourself with work, booze, sex, shopping.”