Pretend You're Mine(115)
Harper put the lid on the box and slid it back into its spot on the closet floor. She went downstairs and hovered just inside the living room door.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Luke pretended not to see her standing in the doorway and stared blankly at the screen. He just wanted this day to be over.
“Luke, can I talk to you about something? It’s kind of important.”
He glanced in her direction and she took it as an okay.
“Something happened and I’m a little worried —”
He flicked a button on the remote, muting the TV. “I need to talk to you about something, too.”
“Okay. You go first.” She waited where she was.
“This isn’t working,” he said, his tone short.
“What isn’t?”
“You being here. Us.”
She stayed silent, eyes wide.
He stood up, pressed on.
“‘It’s just a night. It’s just a month. We’re just fostering.’ You came here and just took over. You keep thinking if you tell me everything is just temporary that I’ll let it slide. And maybe you were right. But it’s not going to work anymore.”
Harper flinched. “Luke, I’m so sorry. I never intended —”
“You built an entire life around a relationship that doesn’t exist.”
He saw the shock, the hurt.
“You know it exists. This isn’t something I made up in my head. I love you.”
“I don’t love you.”
She took a step back as if the words physically hurt her.
“We’re done here,” he turned to stalk out of the room, but Harper grabbed his arm.
“Is this because of Karen? I know you blame yourself. But it’s not your fault.”
“We’re not discussing this. You don’t know.” He tried to shrug her off.
“Luke, I know about the baby.”
He froze under her grip before he rounded on her.
“I let you into my home, into my life, and this is how you repay me? Invading my privacy?” It was boiling over. There was no keeping the lid on it now.
“I’m so sorry, Luke. I’m so sorry that you lost your family. I’m sorry that you feel responsible.” Her gray eyes welled with tears and he hated himself for it.
“I don’t feel responsible. I am responsible.”
“You can’t live the rest of your life blaming yourself for an accident that had nothing to do with you.”
“She was coming to bring me home.” He turned and paced. “We were going to tell everyone about the baby. Do you know how that feels? To anticipate the happiest moment of your life, to live for it for weeks, only to have it destroyed in front of you. I got off that bus and she was dying in mangled metal. Our baby died while I walked across that asphalt to where my family should have been. They died because I wasn’t there. They died because I came back.”
The tears were coursing down her cheeks now. He looked at her, with her sunny golden hair, her angel face.
She wasn’t for him. No one was. He had had his chance and blew it.
“You’re only here because she’s gone.” He whispered the words, which somehow made them sharper. “And you can’t take her place. Not with Joni and not with me.”
She nodded slowly. “I know that. I’m not trying to do that.”
“You shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this, Harper. I need you to go.”
She stood there, watching him. Hope and hurt in her eyes. “I can’t look at you without wishing she was here.”
The hope died.
She dropped her gaze to her feet. “I’ll pack a bag and come back for the rest of my things later.”
He didn’t say a word as she left the living room, just held on to the doorframe for dear life.
“I’m the one who shouldn’t be here,” he whispered to the dark.
***
Upstairs Harper did what she had done dozens of times before. She packed a bag.
Numbness had swallowed her and she was grateful. She knew when the pain broke through it would be too much to bear. Keep moving. Don’t think. Just get it done. Get somewhere safe and then ... and then.
She tucked some toiletries and makeup into a small zippered bag and hastily packed a few outfits and her running shoes. She grabbed her phone charger from the nightstand.
Lola and Max followed her every move. Lola watched with those soulful sad eyes while Max scampered and whimpered. They knew something was wrong.
She knelt down to bury her face in Lola’s short fur. “I love you guys so much. Thank you for being my family. I have to go, but I need you to take care of Daddy. He needs you right now. So take care of him the way you took care of me when he wasn’t around. Okay? I promise I’ll figure something out. I’ll come back and see you.”