Pregnant by Morning(63)
“I was coming to you. In Monte Carlo,” he said.
“I know. Your mother told me.”
Matthew shook his head. Evangeline scrambled his wits. “My mother?”
“I went to Dallas.” Her eyes filled. “Matt, I don’t want to cut our baby off from you. Or from your family. I was selfish and stupid. Apologies were in order, all the way around, starting with your mother. Ending with you. I’m sorry. I want you to have a relationship with our baby that’s more than holidays and birthday cards once a year.”
“Oh.” Disappointment wrenched his battered heart. What had he expected, that she’d miraculously decided to give him another chance when he’d plainly told her he had nothing to give? “I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry, too. So how do you envision a relationship between me and the baby if you’re living in Europe?”
“I’m not going to live in Europe. I called my sister. We talked, and she’s going to record some songs that I wrote. I never liked the idea of giving my words to Sara Lear. But Lisa, that’s a different story. It’ll be a great partnership. I’m going to stay in the States so we can work together.”
Pride filled him. She’d found her way after all. “That’s fantastic. Why did you fly all the way to Dallas to apologize in person?”
“Well, I was planning to go from Dallas to Detroit. It made sense in the mixed-up files of my pregnant brain.”
He contemplated her slight form. “But you’re here. Not Detroit.”
“A funny thing happened when I got to Dallas. You weren’t there. You went to Monte Carlo. I have to know why.”
“Evangeline...” He hesitated, unsure how to undo all the damage he’d done the first time by trying to follow rules that made no sense for the man he’d become. But there were no rules in Palazzo D’Inverno. So he said what was in his heart.
“When I got to Dallas, it took about five minutes to know I was still in the valley. And when I looked up, I realized I couldn’t get to the top of the mountain unless I had someone with wings to fly me there.”
“Me?” she whispered.
He nodded. “Please, please forgive me for all the stupid things I said before. I can’t be me without you. I love you.”
Tears streamed down her face. “Really?”
“Really.” He bridged the gap, drawing her into his arms, and she fell against him, clutching at his shoulders. Warm, light-filled Evangeline was in his arms. “I was the selfish one. Clinging to the past when I had the future right here the whole time.”
“I don’t understand. You said you weren’t ready for that.”
“I’m not.” Who could ever be ready for someone uninhibited, wild and perfect like Evangeline? “To compensate, I refused to put myself in the position of letting my emotions get the better of me again. The problem with that, of course, is that it was too late. I was already in love with you.”
The denial burst from her and he closed her lips with his fingertip.
“Shh. It’s true. Amber was an integral part of my life for a long time, and when she died, it was like a car losing an engine. One can’t function without the other. But I was never a car to you, and because of that, we fit differently. I couldn’t see that until I went home and tried to be a car again.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to be a car anymore? Or are you trying to talk me into buying one?”
He laughed, shocked at the quaver in it. “I’m saying you were right. I can’t pick up the reins of my old life and I don’t want to. I want to find a new direction with you and our baby. Wherever the wind blows us. I went to Monte Carlo to tell you that.”
Hope spread across her face.
“I want to believe you,” she said cautiously. “But I trusted you, and you smashed my heart all to pieces. I can’t be a replacement for your wife. How do I know you’re really over her?”
“I don’t want a replacement. Amber was only one color, and that was right for me before. You’re all the colors of the rainbow. It’s tattooed on you permanently because that’s who you’ll always be to me.”
Her eyelids dropped for a beat, and when she opened them again, the soft brown sucked him under. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”
Because he’d learned that the right thing had context. The right thing wasn’t always the same from day to day, and sometimes you had to do what was right for the person you were at that moment.
He grinned. “Several transatlantic flights in a row give you lots of time to think.”