Possession(93)

“Don’t you know what this means? It means you will be pregnant with another man’s baby! You will be the mother and Ethan will be the father. It will kill you to see another woman raising your baby.” When my shoulders sag, Kyle kneels in front of me. “See? You know it’s true, honey. How on earth will you manage to cope with that every day? And what about me? How do you think it would make me feel, knowing you’re carrying another man’s child?”

When a tear slides down my face, Kyle wipes it away. “It’s been over five years, Kyle.” I see him sigh, making me angry. “You said we would try for a baby after we’ve been married three years. It’s been over five.”

Kyle sweeps his eyes over my body. “Your body is beautiful, Alice. You’ve always looked so young and vivacious. Having a baby would just—”

I gasp, standing up. Kyle stands slowly, too. “So that’s what this is all about? You’re afraid if I have a baby my body will be—”

“Ruined. Yes,” he blurts out.

My eyes bulge. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “You selfish prick.”

Kyle offers me his hand, but all I do is look at it in disgust. “Oh, come on, Alice.”

I step back and walk toward the bed. “I can’t believe you’re saying this. So the reason you won’t have a baby with me is because you’re afraid I’ll get stretch marks and saggy breasts?”

Sighing, Kyle throws his hands up in the air. “It’s not just that. I’ve heard it from my mates at work before. There are countless times I’ve heard them complain about their wives being too tired to have sex after having a baby. Many have gone as far as to say dinner’s sometimes not even ready when they get home. They’re jealous of me, though. Jealous of the fact I have a hot wife who gives me everything I need.” Holding his hands out, he walks closer to me, but I flinch away.

“Oh…my…god… I can’t believe these words are coming out of your mouth. Seriously?”

Kyle sighs again in obvious frustration. “You should be happy that other men think you’re hot.”

I huff in disgust. I can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of him. I already knew Kyle was a little reluctant about having a baby, but I never knew how deep it went. It made me see him in a completely new light.

I narrow my eyes at him. “What would make me happy is to have a husband who supports me. What would make me happy is to seal our unity of marriage by starting a family. Isn’t that the way life goes? Isn’t that the life we agreed on?”

Kyle shakes his head. “Honey, plenty of couples get married and don’t have children.”

My eyes widen. “So now you’re saying you don’t want any kids? Isn’t this something you should have told me...I don’t know...eight years ago when we first got together? Eight years ago when you told me you wanted the house, the wife, the white picket fence? Did you just say all that to get me into bed? Was it all just bullshit?”

Kyle runs his fingers through his hair. “Of course it wasn’t. I’m just not ready yet, okay? I need more time. Is that too much to ask?”

I sigh, turning back toward the mirror before sitting down in front of it. “No, it’s not. But when someone you love and trust tells you three years, you don’t expect almost another three to pass you by with still nothing.”

Kyle suddenly growls. “I’m sick of repeatedly having this same fucking argument. Why can’t you just accept the fact I’m not ready? The more you push this, the more I don’t want to have any fucking kids.” I open my mouth, but he cuts me off. “Fuck this. I’m sleeping on the couch. Looks like I am one of those suckers at work after all.”

Kyle storms out, leaving me in tears. I knew he could be cruel, but that really hit me hard, and I’m sure he knew it. He’s the type who always wants to win an argument and, as long as he gets his point across, doesn’t care just how much his words sting.

Trying to push that aside, I think back to Sarah and Ethan’s house tonight. We had just finished our meal. Yes, wine was involved, but even in my woozy state, I knew I wanted to do this for them. I didn’t understand what I felt inside, but I knew I was doing the right thing. Why? Well, I haven’t figured that out yet, but I know, in my heart, this is meant to be.

“Sarah and I accept the fact we cannot get pregnant naturally. We still want a baby, so we’re exploring other avenues, aren’t we?” Staring at Sarah, Ethan places a loving hand over hers.

I was always a little jealous of the way he looked at her. It makes me wish I had that in my marriage. Mine isn’t falling apart, by any means, but Kyle can be a little aloof with me at times. It’s almost like he’s in lust with me, rather than love. From the moment he gets home from work at night until the moment he’s ready to leave the next morning, he constantly wants sex. In the beginning, it was exciting. Now, it’s become a replacement for love and companionship. It’s as if I’m only his crutch. I want the sex, but I also want to be cherished. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.