Possession(85)
“I just find it so hard. For years, you kept telling me that I was yours and no one—not even me—would get in your way. Now…” I sigh. “Now, you’re letting me live my own life, giving me a place to stay, and setting me up in college. It’s all I have ever asked, and it’s all that you’ve ever begrudged me. Why is it now—especially since I’m also pregnant with your baby—that you’re deciding to give me my free will back? You’ve even signed divorce papers.”
“Have you signed them?” He looks worried for a moment.
“No, but that’s not what I want to discuss right now.”
“You think I’m playing a game?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. I just find it all hard to believe. Are you trying to make me fall in love with you or something? Did you think that by giving me everything I have ever wanted that you would end up having me to yourself again? To lock up—never to see the world?”
“Number one, I would never lock you up.”
“You did once I turned eighteen.”
“Things were different then.”
“How?”
He sighs. “Because I knew Isaac was after you, and I knew why. He’s not an issue now. I’ve made sure of it. We once had an understanding, but I knew after what I did, he would never let it lie. He must have had the biggest hard-on when he found out about you.”
It makes me shudder to think about that man. “I always thought that he was the main reason, but I also think there was another.”
He frowns. “What?”
“Control. You have a desperate need to control everything—including me.”
“There’s no denying that.”
“And yet, here we are. We’re married, I’m pregnant with your baby, and once we finish this meal, you will be going your way, and I will be going mine.”
His jaw clenches. “You don’t need to remind me of that.”
“Then, why do you do it?”
“Because, contrary to what you believe, I am trying to be the man you want me to be. I’m trying to give you the breathing space you need in order to make your choice.”
“And you will respect whatever that decision is?”
“I won’t like one outcome, but yes, I will respect it.”
“No kidnapping me and locking me in your room?”
He shakes his head. “No. As much as I will want to, you have my word that I won’t.” I frown as if I don’t believe him. Drake notices. “I know I haven’t given you cause to trust me, but your safety and protection have always been my number one priority.”
I take my time thinking on what he has just said. I don’t doubt that what he says is true. I do believe that he genuinely wanted to protect me. He just failed to protect me from himself.
“But how do I know I’m safe around you?”
Drake sighs, places his napkin on the table, and leans forward a little. “I have demons, Evelyn. There’s no denying that I do. There’s also no denying that I’ve done some unspeakable things. Things that I deeply regret. The way I handled the situation with you being one of them. I was brought up in a world where control was everything and weakness had to be eradicated. Weakness was and never can be allowed in my world.”
“Aren’t you worried about what people may think of our current situation?”
“To be honest, nobody really knows. The only people who do are a couple of trustworthy guards and the security at your apartment. They get paid handsomely for their discretion.”
“Mandy knows, but I trust her to not say or do anything that might put me in danger.” Even as I say the words, I wonder which of us I am trying to reassure more.
I know he’s trying to contain the situation, and knowing that I’m not his must be driving him crazy. A part of me wants to believe everything he says as he may be able to silence everyone, but he can’t silence me. I could easily tell everyone where we live about our situation, but the fact that I don’t want Drake to look or seem weak is what will hold me back.
It’s a strange situation—wanting to protect the man who put me in harm’s way. He may have been my protector, but he was also someone from whom I needed protection. I know he had his reasons for doing all the things he did. I know that he wanted to be my first because he knew some other random scumbag would pay a fortune to be otherwise. I know he forced me to marry and become pregnant in order for me to become untouchable.
But now I find myself in this strange and fucked up situation. Could I ever forgive a man who took from me without asking? Drake has been my world since I was twelve-years-old. I know now that he came into my life to protect me from my parents and the disgusting people whose company they kept. I’m no stranger to the types of people they mixed with. I was an inconvenience to them, but at the same time, I was also their path to infinite wealth. It disgusts me to think that they’re now living a life of luxury without a care in the world for their only daughter. I bet as their days go by, not a thought about me enters their heads. I’m probably just a distant memory to them now.