Playing Patience(75)

I listened to the noises that spilled from her lips as she achieved a passion I’d never know, and it was almost musical. I should hate her, but she was magnificent and seductive, all things I longed to be. I wanted to look away, but something about the scene was strangely beautiful. Take away the fact that my Zeke was having sex with another woman. Take away the fact that my heart was shriveling into a pile of nothing in my chest. She was a girl I’d never be and watching her freedom was breathtaking.

This was how it was supposed to be for a girl. The creaking mattress and the sounds of the headboard hitting the wall were supposed to be a good thing. The redhead was lucky. She didn’t cower in fear at the erotic noises. She didn’t feel like crying and dropping to the floor in the fetal position if someone touched her. She was exactly what Zeke needed. She was what he deserved and I was not.

Slowly, I backed away toward the door, but before I could look away, I saw Zeke’s eyes land on me. The noises stopped and he used his hands to stop her bouncing hips. The embarrassment of being caught watching set in and I felt heat fill my cheeks. I bet the redhead didn’t blush like a little girl. I bet the redhead was a real woman, a woman who could say the word penis without giggling.

I felt the doorframe connect with my back. It stopped me from making a quick escape. The redhead slung her head around and with big eyes she looked at me in annoyance.

“Snowflake,” Zeke said. His voice was strained and he was out of breath.

A fine sheen of sweat covered his body and all the enjoyment left his eyes as he stared back at me. A strange emotion that bordered heartbreak crossed his expression, but him being hurt made no sense to me. Why would being caught in the middle of hot sex hurt his feelings? Actually, since when did Zeke Mitchell have any feelings? I’d been mistaken for a little while, but it was obvious he’d been right. I was way out of my league.

I felt like I should say something. I felt like I needed to let them know I knew I wasn’t supposed to be there, but my tongue seemed to be swollen to the size of a balloon and it felt like it was full of lead. No matter how badly I wanted to smile like it was no big deal and say something witty, I couldn’t force my lips to move and my voice seemed to be stuck somewhere in the bottom of my lungs, which I couldn’t fill.

“I’m sorry.” The words squeaked out of my mouth. They were small and insignificant, like me.

And then my legs didn’t feel numb anymore and somehow I managed to turn and step out of the room. The hallway of Zeke’s trailer never seemed so long. It suddenly loomed in front of me and I didn’t think I’d ever make it to his front door. The sinking floor felt like it was consuming my feet with each step until finally I made it.

The aluminum door caught the wind when I opened it and had it not been for the rusted chain that kept the door in reach, it would have smacked into the trailer. I used the doorframe to hold myself up when a wave of dizziness swept through me. I silently wondered to myself if anyone had ever died from heartbreak. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and my brain was misfiring. I couldn’t think straight. Little things like moving my legs and walking out of his trailer were too difficult for me to comprehend.

Finally, my motor skills kicked in and I could move again. The cool breeze kissed my cheeks as I stepped out onto the rocky porch. I pushed the door shut and slipped down the wooded stairs. Halfway to my car I felt the sprinkle of rain against my hair. It wasn’t until I was safe in my car that I realized there were actual tears on my cheeks.

I silently prayed to myself that they didn’t come until I was out of Zeke’s house. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry. He never needed to know how much I cared about him. He never needed to know the final piece of me that had been holding on flittered away to nothing when I saw him with her.





Twenty-One



Zeke



Walking away from Patience was hard, but it was necessary. The look on her face when I walked away from her would live in my nightmares for a while.

I didn’t even tell Finn I was leaving. Instead, I walked out and drove drunk as fuck to the park by the Boy’s Club. It reminded me of Patience and I felt close to her there. I could still remember that first kiss with her. It was beyond amazing.

I lifted my trusty bottle of Everclear and finished it. I was so drunk my lips were going numb. I got out and jumped into the bed of my car. I pushed some trash over and lay flat on my back. Staring up at the stars, I passed out.

The next morning, I woke up stiff and hung over. I drove back to the apartment and then stood in the hot shower until I started to feel alive again. When I got out, Tiny was sitting on the couch in his boxers, playing Xbox.