Playing Patience(71)

I’d die before I trapped her and made her a prisoner of my world. Patience would give me one hundred percent of herself and I knew she’d run full force into my hell without a thought for consequences. I knew this because I wanted to do the same when it came to her, but one of us had to be smart.

She had a future—filled with college and high-paying jobs. She had a future with rich husbands and beautiful blond babies with sparkling blue eyes and flawless skin. I couldn’t offer her more than a minimum-wage life with occasional birthday trips to McDonald’s. I’d never forgive myself if I took her future away.

She turned to walk away and without a single thought I rushed her. My body pressed her slender figure to the crappy, rose-covered wallpaper of Finn’s mom’s room. Her eyes filled with anger and panic. She attempted to push me away and get free, but I grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the wall even harder. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew of her irrational fear of being held down, but she felt so fucking amazing and I’d been dreaming of feeling her this way for the last week.

It’s sad when you realize just being close to someone you love is enough. Not sex, not a dirty romp in my little single bed, just a moment of closeness—the feel of the rise and fall of her breathing against my chest, the puffs of heated breath as they struck my cheek and lips. It was enough when it came to Patience.

“You don’t know anything about what I want or feel. So until you do, I suggest you keep your mouth shut.” She struggled again to get free, and her struggle pushed her body closer.

“Why do you hate me so much?” Tears clogged her throat.

Her words cut at my insides.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Then tell me. Explain it to me since I’m so clueless. All I know is right now you’re looking at me like I’m nothing and it’s validating the fact that that’s exactly what I am… nothing.”

She held back tears. Her face distorted with her effort, but I could see them waiting to rush down her cheeks. She tried again to get free, but I couldn’t let her leave me this way. I slammed my palms against the wall in anger and pressed against her again with my body. My arms were like bars holding her in as I tried to press my palms through the wall beside her head.

She turned her head to the side like she couldn’t look at me. I wanted to see her eyes. I wanted to see inside her just one last time. I ran my fingers against her cheek and tipped her face toward me with the tip of my finger. She closed her eyes to shut me out.

“Look at me.” My voice was a dangerous whisper.

I felt dangerous. I felt like I was about to explode into a million pieces. She had no idea how much she meant to me in such a short time and it pissed me off that she was making assumptions.

Her eyes popped open and looked into mine. I was so close to her. Close enough that I could see the black spots in her blue irises. Her hot breath rushed my lips and I tightened my fingers against her chin.

“You will never know the depths of me, so don’t even try to explore that far. You’ll get lost and you won’t survive me. Don’t pretend to understand my feelings and emotions. Half the time I don’t have any anyway, but when it comes to you, they’re limitless, which is more dangerous. I don’t look at you like you’re nothing. I look at you like you’re everything, because you are, and I fucking hate it.”

I looked down into her face and my intimate gaze made her pause in her getaway. And then she shocked me by leaning up on her tip toes and pressing her soft lips against mine in the most innocent yet provocative way. It gave me a high like I’d never had before. No amount of drugs could match the burn that pulsated through my blood at the touch of her lips. I closed my eyes, pulled her closer to me, and kissed her back.





Twenty



Patience



After the best birthday I’d had since I was a small girl, I left Zeke’s motel room and went home to drama. Mom was sick out of her mind and I felt awful for not having been there with her.

“Why didn’t you call me?” I asked Sydney.

“She made me promise I wouldn’t. It’s your birthday and she said you were probably with your boyfriend and she didn’t want to interrupt.” A tiny tear rushed down her cheek.

She was too young to be dealing with this. If I could take the pain of our dying mother away from her I would in a heartbeat.

I pulled her to me and wrapped her in my arms. “I don’t have a boyfriend. He’s just my friend and still, you and Mom are more important. No matter what she says from now on, you always call me.”