Pitch Imperfect(76)
“What did he ask for in return for annihilating Murran?”
“I promised to let him come over and cook me a meal some time, but maybe he’ll end his dry run with Murran and cancel on me.”
“Then you could ask Rob over instead.”
Anjuli glared at her. “He doesn’t want to talk, remember?”
“Well, there is that,” Ash said. “And he can’t cook worth shit anyway. Do you remember that lamb shank he made for your high school graduation? I swallowed it down with so much lager I was drunk by dessert. And Ben refused to finish it.”
Anjuli smiled, remembering Rob’s affronted face, and how she’d cheered him up afterward. God, she missed him. But would he even look at her tonight? The ache in her heart was growing—a sharp, lancing pain that refused to dull, different from her grief over losing Chloe.
“Why don’t you phone Rob?” Ash asked brightly. “So what if he’s staying at Mac’s? She has no right to proscribe who he talks to. Why doesn’t she limit her hatred to me? No, she has to be a whining victim and try to bring you down as well, gossiping up a storm and spinning lies like a spider. God, I hate her sometimes.”
“Mac is hurting,” Anjuli said sharply. “She’s lost her husband, her family life and her romantic illusions, and she needs someone to blame. She hates you, but she despises me because I was supposed to be her friend. Not telling her about you and Craig seems like another betrayal to her, one that allows her to direct her hatred at someone other than Craig.”
“I thought you hated all that psychobabble crap. The bottom line is she should hate only me, not you.”
“When you’re grieving you don’t think straight and if hating me is part of Mac’s coping mechanism then she can go right ahead. She’ll regret it in the long run and when she does, I’ll be there for her. Besides, she’s not the only reason Rob avoids me. He’s furious I’ve stopped work on the house.”
“Tell him about the loan, that your jerk ex-husband didn’t pay you back and your bastard advisor screwed you out of your fortune.”
“No need—not yet anyway. I’ve applied for another loan, to cover the rest.”
“Bloody idiot.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Obviously.” Saffron gurgled and Ash patted her back, laughing at the large, adult-sized burp that she let out.
Pat, pat, pat and soothe. There you go, sweetie...
“Rob will probably have a hot date tonight,” Ash said archly. “Like Sarah or that woman I saw in his car the other day. She looked like Jessica Rabbit.”
“Mrs. P. cornered me after church and told me she was a client.”
“Client or not, Miss Rabbit’s probably got him between her thighs as we speak. You know how frisky those bunnies are, and what angry, frustrated man could resist?”
“I couldn’t care less.”
“Is that why you look like you’re going to puke? Denying your feelings won’t change what happened and bring back Chloe, y’know.”
Anjuli clenched her jaw. “I owe it to her not to forget, not to casually continue my life as if she means nothing. Don’t you understand that?”
“Sure, you’re clinging to your self-imposed punishment like a reiver to his loot, but let’s get this straight—it’s fear holding you back, not guilt.”
“I am not afraid of Robert Douglas,” Anjuli spluttered. “I feel guilty for what I did and I always will.”
“Guilt won’t keep you warm at night.”
Anjuli narrowed her eyes. “I feel remorse for my mistakes. You should try it sometime, Ash. After all, you slept with a married man, had his baby and, by the way, destroyed my friendship with Mac. Don’t you think you should feel a teensy bit guilty?”
Ash met her glare with one of her own. “Of course I do, but I’m not going to deprive myself of happiness for the rest of my life because of it. I fucked up big time, but that doesn’t mean I should self-flagellate ad infinitum or become a hermit. Martyrdom is for saints and masochists, and I’m neither. Yeah, I had a choice and yeah, I made the wrong one. You think you did too. But the difference is that I could’ve avoided this mess and nothing could have prevented what happened to Chloe. The real reason you won’t let Rob back into your life is because you’re afraid he’ll leave you like Chloe did. That’s cowardice, Babes, not guilt.”
Anjuli grabbed her handbag. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Keep on telling yourself that. Keep on wallowing in self-pity until it’s too late. Keep on—”