Phoenix Rising(4)

The sex had died a quiet death sometime after the second miscarriage. Jessa had known Will was fucking other women. The scent of them lingered on his clothes. And she’d learned to interpret the strange feeling in her belly as some kind of premonition that he was slamming his cock into someone else.

But it never bothered her.

She hadn’t wanted him. And she wasn’t even sure she ever really had. They’d had a good time in college. She’d been naive, just a freshman. It had been all about experimenting. Trying to find out what worked and what she liked. Jessa had never meant it to be her only foray into a physical relationship. Now she was back at square one.

Or was she? She had to have gained something worth having over the last nineteen years. Depression and insecurity were hard companions to live with, but Jessa’s figure hadn’t changed much over the years thanks to the Club’s fitness programs. She’d never been comfortable with her body. Most of the couples she and Will associated with were picture perfect. Jessa wasn’t. Nothing about her fit the mold of tall, narrow-waisted, slim-hipped and big-breasted. In fact, Jessa had often been told growing up that she was “big boned,” something that had contributed to a lack of confidence and experience that had landed her in Will’s bed to begin with. At least she was all original, and that was something that couldn’t usually be said about the country club set.

Her face hadn’t changed much, either. Freckles be damned, Jessa was too fond of being outdoors to worry about the sprinkling she had across her nose. Eyes, kind of a nondescript hazel color. And the hair…Jessa’s medium brown hair was possibly the most annoying thing on the planet.

It was straight. In fact, her hair was so straight as to be the polar opposite of curly. Jessa was the bane of her trendy hairdresser. Every appointment was spent listening to the man mutter incomprehensible French oaths, so Jessa had found reasons to cancel for the last six months. Unattended for that long, her hair had grown halfway down her back in one long, solid mass.

“Excuse me, ma’am?”

Jessa was still standing motionless in front of the plate glass window. She vaguely wondered how long she’d been loitering in front of the store while trying to assess her personal worth.

“Can I help you find anything?”

“Find anything?”

Standing about five feet away in front of a doorway, the spunky clerk propped her hands on her hips and cocked her head to one side. There was only one way to describe her. Attitude incarnate.

She looked like a Gothic princess. Her long hair was dyed black and hung in ponytails on either side of her head with a great expanse of bangs framing her pale face. Dark black lines emphasized her huge blue eyes and her full dark red lips were set in a quirky smile. A tiny diamond stud decorated her nose, and what appeared to be a studded dog collar was cinched around her neck.

Her clothes fascinated Jessa. A dark purple corset top accented a waist narrow enough to make even the country club queen envious. The garment had barely enough fabric to cover the nipples of the full breasts bobbing over its top. And her pleated black pinstriped miniskirt was so short Jessa could’ve sworn she could see the hint of purple bows decorating the tops of the girl’s fishnet stockings.

She wore combat boots.

The clerk waved a set of black fingernails toward the window and smiled. “You’ve been staring at the window display for like, ten minutes. I just wondered if there was something you wanted a closer look at.”

Still shell shocked by the Gothic Princess’s royal attire, Jessa hadn’t noticed where she was standing. Eyes darting around, her gaze settled in petrified horror on the words etched in gold on the door. She’d drifted to a stop directly in front of the porn store!

Ambiguously named Accessories and More, the store was located in a strip of Old Town buildings built of natural brick and stone. The window displayed some of the sexiest lingerie she’d ever clapped eyes on.

Instantly intrigued, Jessa fought the urge to satisfy her curiosity and go inside. God knew how long she’d been standing in front of the window. Who would know if she went inside and took just a peek at the merchandise?

But people like her didn’t go into those places. She was a member of the Rotary and the Garden Club! She was supposed to be above stuff like porn. In fact, Jessa was so far above porn, she was above sex too.

Jessa fought the rebellious twists and turns of her mind. Was it really about the store or what was in it? Was it even about sex? No. It was about control. Jessa had spent years honing the ability to control her mind and her body and make them do exactly what she wanted. There was no room for spontaneity or lack of self-control in Jessa’s world. Only weak people gave in to their base natures. People like that couldn’t get through the day without an orgasm. They needed sex. It ruled them. Lack of control was why the average male required more than one woman to keep him occupied. Jessa wasn’t like that.