Perfect Fit(12)

“Yeah, oh.” Gray puffed out a frustrated breath before he said, “I trust Chase completely and that will have to enough, because JJ isn’t going anywhere. Chase said that he is JJ’s only family and he will not turn his back on him just because I didn’t like their past arrangement.”

I hated to hear that JJ didn’t have any family of his own, and not just because he was irritating my best friend. I had a mother, father, brother, sister in-law, a gorgeous niece, and a precocious nephew that I adored with all of my heart. I cherished every moment spent in their company and I couldn’t imagine going day to day without them in my life. Damn if Gray didn’t hand me another piece of the Jag puzzle that I wanted to solve even more. Was that the reason for the vulnerability I saw in him after he fell asleep?

“That is outta here,” Gray yelled as one of the Nationals’ players hit a home run. Indy barked happily as if he knew what the fuck was going on and maybe he did, but more likely it was because Gray fed him a piece of pepperoni in celebration.

Gray was completely unaware that he had rocked my world with his revelations that night and I hoped to keep it that way. I meant what I said to Jag, no good would come of Gray and Chase learning about what happened between us. It was probably a good thing that it wouldn’t be happening again. The thought wasn’t as comforting as I had hoped and I found myself reaching for my beer instead of the pizza, as I no longer had an appetite.





CHASE’S DINNER INVITATION was a huge surprise, but the news he had shared with me was even more surprising. We had exchanged texts quite a bit and I saw Chase and Gray at Ava’s wedding, so I knew things were going really well for them once they got past their argument over that worthless piece of shit, Devon. Still, moving in together was a huge step.

“I never thought I could find this kind of happiness,” Chase said, staring off into space. “I knew it happened for other people, hell, I even helped set some of them up. I just didn’t think it was meant for me.”

“I knew.” My words captured his attention and he turned his soulful brown eyes on me. “I always knew you were meant to find this kind of love just as I knew that I could never be the one to give it to you.” Whoa! I had never really planned on delving back into the reasons why Chase and I didn’t work out, even though he deserved more of an explanation than I gave him then or was willing to tell him at dinner that night.

I knew Chase almost better than I knew myself and I just didn’t think he could handle the truth of what happened during Christmas break all of those years ago that ruined our burgeoning relationship. I couldn’t take the chance that he’d somehow blame himself when all of the responsibility rested on my shoulders. He had forgiven me, we moved on, and I needed that to be enough. “You were meant for Gray, who knows how to treat you the way you deserve.” I smiled as I thought about Gray’s sappy west coast antics to win Chase’s love back, although he had never lost it. Chase belonged to Gray the moment their eyes met, regardless of the horrible circumstances of that meeting. “I am very happy for you.”

“You’ll always be part of my life. You know that right, J?” I could tell he was trying not to get too emotional, because he paused to choose his words. “You never really explained what happened all those years ago and I never pushed you. I found a way to accept what you were willing to give me and I moved on, but I’m not sure you did.” His words were a shock to my system. Did he mean he thought I was still in love with him or hung up on the incident that changed my outlook on the world forever and led to our breakup? I opened my mouth to ask, but he raised his hand to stop me. “Whatever happened to you during Christmas break our freshmen year of college still has a grip on you and I fear that it’s holding you back. I’ve accepted that you don’t want to talk to me about it, but I wish you’d talk to someone. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest and that means experiencing how it feels to truly love and be loved.”

I knew that he was right and that I clung to my past in an unhealthy manner as a reminder to myself of what happened when I dared to grab ahold of more than what was meant for me. I took a chance once by daring to dream and love by pretending I wasn’t born under some kind of cursed moon. That dream screeched to a bloody, hateful halt and I was not willing to try again. The reasonable, mature adult that I was trying to become reared its pragmatic head occasionally to protest that I was being ridiculous and used the tragedy from my past as an excuse to keep an emotional distance from everyone. It cautioned me that if I didn’t put my heart out there then I could never experience the true happiness that Chase described.