Perfect Chaos(45)

I stopped bitching about it after that day. So, I’d lived with two dangerous men who kept tabs on me … you’d think I’d feel safe. Yeah, well, nothing about Kai was safe.

I slammed the door of the loft and pressed the elevator.

“Chaos, calm down.” I was breathing hard in the phone. “Think about what you’re doing.” The elevator dinged and the doors opened. “Chaos, sit the fuck down. Now. Do not get in that elevator.”

I watched the doors close again and then I slowly slid down the wall of the hallway until my butt hit the floor. I bent my legs and dropped my head between them while I took long, deep breaths trying to get control of the panic.

I was never so freaked out as I was at this moment. But when it came to Deck, the thought of losing him, it was like a light switch went on and all my emotions went haywire. Kai’s voice cut into me. “Remember everything I taught you, Chaos. You need to find that now.” He kept his voice low and soothing, rhythmic. “Nothing gets done if you panic. You know this.”

I didn’t know what I was doing. I had no idea where Deck went, and I was chasing him. It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t making sense. What the hell was I doing? “Don’t hurt him,” I said quietly. “Don’t hurt him.”

“Go back inside and wait for him.”

My breath caught in my throat. “You said you’d kill him if he ever knew.”

“Yes. And that was the truth, but things have changed slightly. I’ll come by tomorrow and we can have a chat.”

My grip on the phone tightened. “What? Are you crazy?” Yeah, Kai was a little crazy.

Kai sighed. “I’d rather be the hunter than the trapped prey, my dear.”

“He’s going to kill you. Jesus, you’re going to kill him.”

He laughed. “Chaos, you have quite the imagination. Firstly, Deck won’t kill me and secondly, I won’t kill him—yet. Besides, I like you, Chaos. I’m thinking if I killed him, you’d probably try and kill me. And I really don’t want to have to kill you.”

Then the phone went dead.

I sat outside the elevator for a long time. Every time I heard it ding on other floors, I’d look up, my heart racing. Hoping he was back, praying he didn’t do anything reckless. But Deck was never reckless—until I saw him tonight. His face, it was like I’d stabbed him in the stomach with a dull blade and then slowly turned it. His shock. His disbelief.

In one sentence, I blew up everything he thought about me. I told him another man cut me and I’d asked him to do it. God, the look on his face. Surprise and rage burned like an erupted volcano in his eyes. I deserved his hate. His disgust. Fuck, I was disgusted with myself.

It was just after midnight when the elevator doors opened and Deck stepped out. I was half-asleep, my neck sore from tilting back against the wall. I jerked upright and then scrambled to my feet.

“Deck.” He looked perfectly contained: clothes neat and tidy, face tight but that was usual. He had a Band-Aid on his arm but the rest of him … no blood. He had all his limbs and he was standing.

I felt the familiar butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the sight of him. No matter what shit had gone down between us, whenever I set my eyes on him … it was the same feeling.

The only real man worth having and yet … it was his eyes which stabbed each butterfly and had them falling dead in the pit of my stomach. Then his gaze flicked over me dismissively like I was an ornament he didn’t like in his foyer.

He strode past and opened his door, leaving it ajar. That was a good sign; at least he wasn’t locking me out. I followed him in then clicked the door shut behind me and leaned against it.

He ignored me for several minutes as he helped himself to a bottle of water from the fridge, chugged it back then left the empty container on the counter. That was unlike Deck; he always kept order. His home was spotless and he put everything in its place.

He walked over to the window and stood quiet and still, staring out at the darkened sky. I waited, knowing he might kick me out any second, never wanting to see me again. I felt sick to my stomach thinking about it, wondering how I could make this all go away. But whatever he decided, I deserved it. I deserved his hate. I just had to make sure he stayed safe.

His voice was rough and hard as he said, “Take off your shirt, Georgie.”

“What?” What the hell? A million thoughts raced through my brain as I tried to think of where he was going with this. Did he want to see the cuts? See what Kai had done?

He slowly turned and looked at me. “Take. Off. Your. Shirt.”

My eyes felt like they’d been zapped as they widened with surprise. There was that distinct wave of heated bliss charging through me like soldiers attacking their enemy with torches.