Perfect Chaos(34)

Deck would naturally think I was talking about the hospital, but I wasn’t. I was talking about my past. The days I walked home from school looking over my shoulder, afraid he’d catch me. My heart slamming into my chest, so scared I’d vomit. I never knew when he’d take me to the shed. It could be weeks or days before he’d grab me.

My parents became concerned because I’d lost weight, but they assumed it had to do with Connor’s death. I thought of telling them what was happening. So many times, I’d opened my mouth to blurt it out then I’d slam it shut, terrified of losing someone else in my life. Robbie was sick. He’d do it. He’d kill my parents if I told anyone.

“I know.” Deck looked at me as his eyes said everything. There was no shield blocking that look. It was him telling me he’d always be there. Him telling me he cared. Then the shield slammed down again and he looked away.

This man … I would never have him, but I also knew I’d never deserve him. Deck was everything I wasn’t and more.

Deck was selfless.

And I knew he protected me because Connor asked him to, but Connor had been dead a long time. Deck put up with my shit, and it was a lot of shit. I knew soon it would blow up and I wouldn’t be able to stop it. I’d tried for most of my life to protect Deck from my lies. It wasn’t for my sake—it was for his. If anything happened to him...

The car went dark as we pulled into the underground parking lot and lurched to a halt. Deck got out, walked around and opened my door. He lifted me in his arms and I curled into him. I inhaled and my body sagged with relief as his scent swirled into my lungs. There was no question, drugged or not, my every molecule knew Deck. I’d recognize him buried beneath the ground.

“Later, Georgie girl.” Tyler headed to the driver’s door. Without waiting for a response, he jumped in the driver’s seat and peeled away.

I looked up at Deck. Our eyes locked and my lips parted about to say something, I just didn’t know what.



I’D NEVER FELT so fucked up in my life. I was on the edge of losing it. Who was I kidding; I’d already lost it, pulling a fuckin’ gun on a nurse and then a doctor. Shit, I could imagine what the Chief of Police had screamed in Tyler’s ear. The police may overlook my indiscretions, but I wasn’t immune.

What the fuck was going on with her? An inferno of rage blazed inside me and yeah, it was directed at her. I was so pissed off I was afraid to speak.

Unable to sleep, I’d come back to the hospital to sit with her. That was until they tried to stop me from seeing her and then the straps holding her down like some fuckin’ animal.

I felt her eyes on me as I strode into the elevator and pressed the PH button.

Shit, I felt as if a gun was aimed at me from miles away. I followed my instinct, and I’d never had it let me down—until now. Now, it fucked with me because I’d left her in the hospital when I shouldn’t have. I hated the feeling of uncertainty of what the hell was going to happen here with Georgie. I lived by doing and never second-guessing. You’re dead if you second-guess.

Now, we deal.

A motto we lived by when bad shit went down. There was no point wondering what the fuck you should’ve done or could’ve. Bad shit happened. Fucked-up happened. Deal with it and move on.

But suddenly, dealing with whatever was happening with Georgie was not so cut and dry.





I WOKE UP in his bed having slept all day from the sedative. The last I remembered was being held in his arms in the elevator. When I sat up, I saw Deck sitting in the black-leather chair in the corner of the room, a book in hand and one leg casually crossed over the other. He looked completely relaxed and so not like Deck.


He quietly closed the book and set it on the dresser beside him before a creak of leather sounded as he stood. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he strode toward me, stopping when his knees touched the side of the bed. He reached forward and my heart slammed into my chest as he put his hand on my head and smoothed my hair back.

It was the most calming, sweet caress I’d ever experienced, and the heat in my body rose as I took him in. It also scared me as to why he was so calm.

“I’ll make you something to eat while you shower.”

I expected him to pound me with questions. This … this threw me completely off-balance.

There was literally nothing in this world that smelled better than him. It was as if inhaling his scent wrapped my lungs in the comfort of home. I hated that I felt that way, yet after all these years I concluded nothing was changing it.

I loved Deck. Had since I was sixteen and no matter what fucked-up shit was in my head—I always would. But our chance had been destroyed by the fucked-up world we lived in. And yes, by the choices I’d made.