Owning It (Metropolis #3)(84)

        

"Come on, boy. Tell me the truth. How do you really feel about us? No more hiding behind jokes and adorable expressions."

He knows me too well.

"It was getting hard hiding much from you anyway," I admit. "I was scared that night. I don't even think it hit me just what I was so scared of until tonight. I had an interesting talk with Uncle Randy, and I realized I just didn't want you to leave me. I know that's why I haven't had a serious relationship since Christian. Because I didn't want to be left on my own again. I'm fine with taking care of myself, but to start relying on someone only for them to leave, that scares the shit out of me. When you were talking to your son, in a lot of ways, I felt like you were having to choose between me or your kid, and I wasn't going to win that fight. And I knew if it wasn't then, it'd just be another time when you decided to leave for some other reason. Because people leave. That's how life works."

"Not me. I don't leave. Not you, at least," he says. "And you can't live like that."

Not me. I don't leave. No, he doesn't, does he? He's too good a man for that. Has too big a heart. "I think I realized that about five minutes before you got here. I've just been so terrified of having wonderful things taken from me that I haven't let myself enjoy them while they're in my life. And with you, I started to change that, but then realized how much it would hurt to lose it, too. I didn't really think a guy like you would want to stick around, really. Not with a guy like me."

"A guy like you? You mean an incredible, compassionate, loving man?"

"A guy with so many issues in his life," I confess.

"Issues are what make you a real person. I don't want to be with that guy you try to convince people you are-some flighty, ridiculous kid. You're not that. Not really, and I see that. I see you for the man you really are. And that man is beautiful."

His words soothe me, and I see in his eyes how much he appreciates me for all these things that I've tried to hide from everyone else.

"I'm not going anywhere," he adds.

"I see that now, and I don't want to spend my life terrified of you leaving. I don't want to never have another amazing and special moment in my life just because I'm scared of waking up one day and it being gone. I'm going to lose Uncle Randy, but I sure as fuck know that I'd rather have him another day than lose him because I'm worried about hurting more the longer he's here. Shit, I'm crying again. God, this is happening way too much."

I stop moving with him and pull my hands away, wiping my eyes. He grabs my wrists, lowers my hands, and then it's Jackson wiping my tears away. 

"It was one thing when I just really liked you," I continue, "but it was another when I started to feel more … feel things that I didn't even know I could feel." And I finally put to words what I've been feeling. "I fell in love with you, Jackson. I didn't want to, but I did, and it was too much for me to deal with."

He hooks his arm around me and pulls me to him. "I fell in love with you, too. I'm so crazy in love with you."

I chuckle at his reference to my silly advice. "I don't want to give up," I admit, and as I do, he moves quickly, his lips pressing up against mine.

I'm lost in him, just enjoying that familiar sensation of his body pressed up against mine, his hands moving across my back. And as I hear the oohs and aahs around us, I remember where we are.

"Oh, fuck," I say, pulling away and glancing around uneasily. Although Uncle Randy is just watching with wide eyes. He gives me a thumbs-up, and it makes me laugh. "We might want to take this outside."

"You dirty little fuck," he teases, his lips still right before me, a sneaky expression on his face.

I laugh.

"Whatdya say after you finish this class, you come and meet my mother?"

"Wow. Just getting back together and already moving kind of fast, aren't we?"

"I figure we have to make up for lost time." He winks and takes my hand.

When I finish up, Jackson leads me to his mom's room, where he introduces me and we spend some time. She's too tired to say much, but I appreciate Jackson's gesture. And after we wrap up our visit, we head back to his condo together. But we hardly enter his unit before we're kissing, gripping each other's bodies, tearing at each other's clothes.

I've missed his body just as much as I've missed him, and I can tell with each kiss and the way he kneads at my flesh that he misses me too. He makes a familiar grunting sound, and I growl for him. He yanks down my pants but then pulls away, his expression filled with frustration.

"God, I just can't take you fast enough."