Outlaw Hearts(168)

Lloyd slowly opened the letter, nausea gripping his stomach.

“There’s, uh, there’s one more thing maybe you should know, before you hear it some other way,” Will told him.

Lloyd turned dark, angry eyes to the man. “What is it?”

Will scratched at his beard. “I hate tellin’ you these things, son, but you’ve got to know. That Gentry fella, the lieutenant, he said your pa killed his own father some years back.”

Lloyd stared at him in wide-eyed horror. “That has to be a lie!”

Will shook his head. “One of the men asked your ma if it was true. Your sister started cryin’, and your ma just looked him straight in the eyes and said as how he didn’t understand all of it; but she didn’t deny it.”

Lloyd let out a gasp, turning away again, finding all of this incomprehensible. “Go away, Will,” he said quietly.

The man reached out and patted his shoulder, then left him. Lloyd blinked back tears so he could see to read his mother’s letter. His hands trembled as he opened it. My dearest son, it read. By the time you read this letter, you will have heard the awful news that your father has been arrested. I would give anything to be there when you come home, to explain all that has happened myself but your father needs me. I have no idea how much longer I will be able to see him, talk to him, whether he will be imprisoned or executed. There is so much you need to know, and I hope that when you do know, you will find it in your heart to forgive.

I wanted Jake to tell you everything long ago, but he was so afraid of losing your love, something he treasures beyond life. Through you, he has been able to heal terrible wounds from his own battered youth, to make up for all the love he never knew as a child. Please don’t blame your father or turn away from him in this, his hour of need. All your life he has been there for you, has loved you as much as is humanly possible.

Please come to St. Louis. Check at Fort Lyon first to make sure we are not still there. Come as quickly as possible. There may not be much time left to see Jake once more, and he very much needs to talk to you. I need to see you too, to know that you’re going to be all right through all of this. I am so sorry you have to bear this news alone. We love you, Lloyd. Poor Evie needs her brother. Life is going to change for us, and we need to stick together. Please don’t judge your father until we have had a chance to talk.

God be with you. We will be waiting for you in St. Louis. Love, Mother.

He choked in a sob, wadding the letter into his fist and throwing it on the ground. He threw back his head and groaned deeply, loving his father, hating him. How could he do this? Why had he bothered to marry and have children, knowing the legacy he could one day burden them with? Why had he lied to him all these years?

So many things made sense now—the way his father always avoided details about his past, the reason he was so good with guns, the shoot-out back in California that he had first thought was just a dream. Now he understood why his father reacted so emotionally when he shot that squatter four years ago, why he had ripped the gun from his hands. He was afraid his son would turn out just like him, would grow to enjoy killing. Was that how it had been for Jake? Did he enjoy it? His own father! How could anyone shoot his own father? How was he going to live with that kind of shame, the son of a murderer, a thief, a rapist? That was the hardest to understand. His father had never been anything but gentle and respectful of his mother and Evie, a pure gentleman to any women he met.

Still, there was that mean streak he had seen just a couple of times. He remembered the night the man had shot up those squatters, downing them with a cold gleam in his eyes that was rare, but there, nonetheless. How many innocent people had he killed in raids and robberies? He’d been a gunrunner in the war. Maybe it was true that he was innocent of the charges he was wanted for; but that didn’t negate the fact that he had done a lot of other terrible things. That much had been admitted.

What must Zane Parker think? That he had the potential to be just like Jake Harkner? Did he consider him a “bad seed” now? Maybe he was at that. It was already obvious Parker was going to make sure he didn’t get anywhere near Beth. He wouldn’t want her mixed up in this dirty business, and maybe the man was right. Beth was too innocent for this, too refined and well-bred. Why would she want to be married to the son of an outlaw?

God, the ache of it! He loved her so much. She was everything to him. He’d never find another woman like Beth, never feel that way about anybody else. He suspected that if not for her father, sweet Beth would be right by his side in spite of this ugliness; but her father was going to keep her away, and right now, for her sake, maybe that was best.