Out of Control(60)

Why couldn’t she just be happy she was getting her life back?

Actually, that was an easy one.

Because getting her old life back meant losing her new one. Losing Zach. And at the thought, her heart tripped a beat then slowed to a dull thud she could actually hear.

Oh God. She loved him. Really loved him.

So much for “just” sex.

Had she ever really believed that she could give herself to a man so completely and keep her heart free?

Yes.

He had crept up on her, until he was twined around her heart.

Like fucking barbed wire. And it hurt.

All she knew of love was pain and loss. Why would this be any different?

An image of Sam flashed in her mind. Sam giggling, smiling, always happy. Then afterward, her mother’s accusing stare. Her father’s expression, blank as though he saw right through her. As if she wasn’t even there.

But for a moment, instead of pain, she felt a surge of all-consuming anger.

She’d been a child. They should have kept her safe, loved her unconditionally. Accepted her faults. That’s what they’d promised to do. She had an urge to stand before her father. Yell at him that she was sorry about Sam, but she was still alive. Maybe if she’d done that back then, she might have broken through to him. But she’d been too scared and too guilty.

She was going crazy in here alone.

Without giving herself time to think, she picked up the phone and punched in Jess’s number. “Are you home?”

“No, I’m in a meeting with Jake and your boyfriend.”

A shaft of jealousy shot through her. Zach hadn’t wanted her there, but Jess was obviously needed. “Damn. Okay. I’ll see you whenever.”

“If it’s important, I can come over.”

“No. I’m just going stir-crazy. I’ll go out, do some tourist stuff. Or see a movie.”

In the end, she wandered the streets of London, taking little in but not thinking, either. As it got dark, she went back to the hotel, found Zach, waiting impatiently for her.

They spent the night making love with an edge of desperation that only scared her more.





Chapter Seventeen

The following morning, Zach disappeared again. He had meetings, but Dani couldn’t shake the feeling he was deliberately distancing himself. The hotel room felt like a cage and she headed out and wandered the streets, watched a movie in the afternoon.

After tonight, they would have to make a decision. Or she would. But she couldn’t focus on the idea of reenlisting. All she could think of was Zach and how different he’d been over the last couple of days. Was he trying to make things easy for her? So she could walk away with no regrets?

Or did he just believe the affair was over and this was how he always behaved?

It was early evening by the time she returned to the hotel, and she was sure Zach would be already gone. But the same two guys were standing outside the room. One of them waved her through without checking her ID this time. “Can you tell him that we needed to leave ten minutes ago?” he said as she passed.

She grinned, suddenly happy. “Will do.”

When she opened the door, he was pulling on his jacket and she had a feeling of déjà vu. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she said, then just stared at him. He’d always had a casual sort of elegance, with his designer stubble and overlong tousled hair. Now he looked…perfect. His hair had been cut so it lay smoothly against his head; he was freshly shaven and wore dark pants, a white shirt, and a dark red tie. Just staring at him made her heart ache. How could she resign herself to never seeing him again?

“Yeah. Where’ve you been?” He stopped putting on his jacket, tossed it on the chair instead, and came toward her, his gaze searching her face. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, but I thought you were busy.”

He halted only inches away, the expression in his eyes turning her insides molten, her breasts heavy, her nipples peaking, her sex hot, wet…

She swallowed. “They told me to tell you that you should have left ten minutes ago.”

“Tough luck. Because right now I need to kiss you.”

“You do?”

…

He’d dawdled as long as he could, hoping Dani would arrive back before he had to leave. The last couple of days had been hard; she’d seemed so distant. He knew it was mostly his fault, but he’d had to keep her out of this. Just a few more hours.

He’d spent the day with Jake and Jess going over and over what would happen that night. And while he wasn’t really worried anything would go wrong, he needed to see Dani one more time.

Now she was here. So close.

He tried to work out what she was feeling, but she was giving nothing away and all he could think of now was tasting her, holding her.