Out of Control(59)

She headed out around the cubicle and hovered for a moment. Was that it? She stood to attention and waited to be dismissed. Instead, the doctor waved her to the seat in front of his desk.

“Well, as far as I can see, you’re one hundred percent fit for duty, Sergeant.”

“I am?”

“I’ll file the report and you should get the confirmation any day.” He glanced down and read the notes. “You’re due for reenlistment?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And I take it you’re going ahead?”

For a moment, she hesitated. “Yes, sir.” But the words had to be forced past her lips as though by saying them she had gone beyond the point of no return. This was what she wanted. Wasn’t it?

She was still pondering the question as she boarded the train back to London. She’d left Zach at the hotel. He was being good and keeping a low profile. While Jess had given him the all-clear to attend the awards ceremony tomorrow night, she’d also suggested that he stay in the hotel and not show his face around town. Though it seemed a little strange to her—tomorrow night’s ceremony was being televised and he’d be plastered all over the media. Hardly low-profile.

He’d actually wanted to come with her this morning.

“I’m going to a goddamn army physical, Zach. To see if I’m fit to return to duty. What do you think it would say if I turned up with you holding my goddamn hand?”

Maybe the trip had been a mistake. Maybe they should have come separately because they were getting testy with each other.

She felt irritable. On edge. Scared. Miserable.

Staring out the window at the green landscape filtered through a mist of constant rain, she had a longing to be back in the arid sunshine of Spain. Well, maybe once she reenlisted she would be back in the heat. Just not Spain.

And she’d never see Zach again.

Pain twisted in her gut. All this talk about visiting L.A. was nothing but talk. She knew in her heart it would never happen. She was a novelty, that was all, and once he was back in his own world and she was in hers, he would forget her. Oh, they’d no doubt be “friends” and he’d maybe even send her a Christmas card and include a photo of Skip. Would he buy Skip a diamond collar so he’d fit in with the pampered pooches in L.A.?

God, she was a miserable bitch.

As of today, she had everything she’d been terrified would be taken from her. She could reenlist, go back to doing something useful with her life.

And even if she stayed, chances were, Zach would move on. He’d not promised her anything. And sooner or later, he’d see through her. See her as she really was. And that would be even worse. She’d be left with nothing.

Stop thinking about it.

But she’d shut out her worries of the future for too long. She’d only managed it because she’d spent every moment with Zach and he had a way of filling her mind and body that pushed everything else away. Now they poured in on her.

She needed him to hold her, make love to her so she could forget for a little while longer. But when she arrived back at the hotel, it was to find two men standing on either side of his hotel door. So far, the security had been pretty much invisible. She vaguely recognized them as Jake’s people, but she didn’t know their names. They let her through once she’d shown her ID.

“How did it go?” Zach asked as she came through the door.

“Well. I have to wait for the official all-clear, but it went well.”

He nodded, but she couldn’t tell whether he was happy or sad at the news. He pulled on his jacket. “I was waiting for you to come back. I have to go to a meeting with Jake.”

“They’ve found something?”

“Maybe.”

She didn’t want to be alone right now. “I could come.”

But he shook his head. “I don’t think so, sweetheart. He’s sent a couple of guys to babysit me. Why don’t you relax for the afternoon, and we’ll spend the evening together.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Like a good girl,” she muttered. He hadn’t actually said the words but she could almost hear them.

But before she could say anything else, he gave her a swift kiss on the lips and headed for the door. “I missed you.”

She plunked herself down on the sofa and stared at the closed door. The idea of spending the afternoon cooped up in a hotel room—however luxurious—was really not an option.

She jumped up and paced the room a couple of times, pulled her ponytail free and ran her hands through her hair, pressing her scalp as though she could somehow force out the answers. She’d never been one to avoid uncomfortable truths. Now she needed to face her fears head-on and find a way through.