One Hot Desert Night(23)

When she stepped into the corridor, she heard Rayad's familiar voice,  but she couldn't understand the Arabic he was speaking. She did detect a  hint of anger in his tone. As soon as the conversation ended, she  padded on bare feet to the radio room and peeked inside to see Rayad  leaning back against the table, staring off into space.

"May I come in?" she asked.

"You may," he responded, although the stern look he gave her said she might not be welcome.

She didn't let that hinder her forward progress, or deter her from her  goal. But before she started playing true confession, she would find out  the reason behind his dark mood. "Were you chatting with anyone  interesting?"

"Adan."

She moved to his side and hoisted herself up onto the desk. "What did he have to say?"

"Nothing that I wished to hear."

Getting information from him was like pulling hen's teeth, as her nana  used to say. "I don't mean to intrude, but do you mind telling me what  Adan told you that has you so cranky?"

"It does not involve you."

Cranky had become a colossal understatement. "Fine. It's probably  something top secret that wouldn't interest me anyway." When he didn't  respond, she determined a subject switch was in order. "I was thinking  that after we bathe and have breakfast, we could go to the village a  little earlier today. I saw a scarf I'd like to buy for Piper."

"That is not possible."

"I promise I'll pay you back."

He exhaled a rough sigh. "It is not possible to travel to the village, nor is it necessary."

Sunny could guess what he would say to her next question, and it made  her heartsick to ask. But she had to know. "We have to leave, don't we?"

"Yes. I have been ordered to return to my duties immediately."

"What about the roads?"

"They were cleared as of yesterday."

She should be grateful he hadn't come by that information earlier,  otherwise they would have missed out on several wonderful experiences.  "I suppose that's good news."

"I suppose," he repeated, no clear emotion in his tone, only detachment.

Sunny felt as if he had erected a steel wall, effectively shutting her  out. She refused to let him. "Look, we both knew this was going to  happen, and maybe it's for the best. If we stayed together any longer, I  would only..." Her determination to own up to her feelings trailed off  along with her words.

Finally, he looked at her straight on. "You would only what?"

The moment had arrived to lay her heart on the line and hope it didn't get crushed. "I would only fall deeper in love with you."

He pushed off the table, laced his hands behind his neck and turned his back on her. "You cannot love me."

She wasn't at all surprised by his reaction, just the force of his  demand. "I can, and I do. Believe me, this wasn't at all what I had  planned, and it's ridiculous to think it happened this quickly. But I  can't help the way I feel."                       
       
           



       

He faced her again, frustration reflecting in his dark eyes. "I cannot return your feelings. I will not allow it."

Allow it? "Why is that, Rayad? Because you enjoy being alone, or are you afraid of being vulnerable?"

"My fear would be for your emotional and physical safety. You are  grateful for the attention I have given you, but you do not know me as  well as you might think."

That made no sense whatsoever. "Unless you're some kind of ax murderer,  I'm fairly sure I'm in no physical danger. And emotionally speaking, if  you're intimating that I'm mistaking gratitude for love, you couldn't be  more wrong. I know what it means to care that deeply for someone  although I have to admit, I've never felt this strongly for anyone.  Maybe you've never experienced that before, and if that's true, I feel  sorry for you."

"This has nothing to do with my previous experience," he said. "If I  continued an affair with you, I could be putting you in jeopardy."

Affair-that about said it all. "Is this because of your military ties?"

"That is partially true."

Just when she thought she was beginning to solve the puzzle, he introduced another piece. "What do you mean partially?"

"Leave it be, Sunny. There are things you do not want to know."

She hopped off the desk and moved in front of him. "I want to know  everything about you, Rayad. I mistakenly believed I did. You definitely  know everything about me, including details about the abduction I've  never told anyone. It's only fair you return the favor by telling me  what you've been hiding."

Indecision warred in his eyes before he returned to his stoic persona.  "I do not dare tell you all there is to tell. I have already risked  being tried for treason for breaching security by bringing you here.  Rafiq would not object, but if the governing council knew, I could be  hanged."

That was news to her. Distressing news. "And you're just now telling me this?"

"I felt it was worth the risk. You needed a respite in a place where you could heal."

Every moment they'd made love now somehow seemed false. "Thanks bunches  for being my sheikh in shining armor, but here's a newsflash. I don't  need to be rescued. I do need to know that when you made love to me, it  meant something other than my consolation prize for being your bed buddy  the past few days."

"You are not being reasonable. You knew this arrangement would only be short-term."

Every bitter emotion crowded in her at once, and if she didn't leave,  she might actually cry. "Yes, I did know it wasn't going to be forever. I  didn't know I'd be foolish enough to fall for your charms and mistake  you for a decent guy capable of real emotions. And I'm really sorry I  did. I'll go pack my things now."

When she started away, Rayad clasped her arm, preventing her from making  a hasty exit. "I wish I could tell why it is not possible for us to be  together," he said when she faced him. "But I cannot."

"Yes, you can. You owe me that much."

He hesitated as if he might have begun to waffle. "It is classified information."

She'd decided to give it another shot, and to make it a good one. "I  really don't care about your government secrets, nor should you after  what we've shared. You know that whatever you say will go no further  than this room."

"You will never see me in the same light, and I would prefer we part while you still believe I am a man of honor."

Her belly tightened at the thought of what he could have done to make  him believe she would toss him away like yesterday's trash. Her mind  began to reel with the possibilities. He was a military man, and that  position at times required many things, the least of which was violence.  Still... "You said you're involved in intelligence. I always gathered  that meant investigating insurgents and other covert activities."

"It does, but my duties go beyond that realm. They have for some time now."

Finally, she was getting somewhere. She just wasn't sure she would like  where they were going. "If you're trying to protect me from the fact  that you've killed someone, that's not necessary. I know the realities  of warfare, and I understand that soldiers don't always have a choice.  It's either kill or be killed. If that's the case with you, then I  promise I won't think less of you."

A muscle ticked in his tightened jaw. "Again I implore you to leave it be, Sunny."

She couldn't leave it be, not until she had answers. Not until she  quieted the warning bells in her head. "Tell me what you're hiding, or  I'll walk out of here without you right this minute, even if I have to  travel back to the palace on foot."                       
       
           



       

Turning his attention to some unknown focal point, Rayad remained silent  for several excruciating moments. Sunny's heart began to beat faster  while she waited for him to finally look her in the eye.

"I have always had a choice."

Her mind grew foggy with confusion. "I don't understand."

"If you must know everything, then I will tell you." She witnessed a  flash of remorse in his eyes, then an intensity that shook her to the  core as he said, "I have been trained to kill."





 Nine

"You're an assassin?"

The indictment in Sunny's query had an unexpected impact on Rayad. He  wanted and needed her respect, which would require details, no matter  the consequences. "Trust me when I tell you my duty is necessary."

"Trust you?" She released a humorless laugh. "I'm standing in a cave  with a man who intentionally shoots to kill. I slept with a killer.  Forgive me if I find that a bit disturbing."