Once Upon A Half-Time 2(23)
“But your parents are great,” I said. “They seem perfect together.”
His voice darkened. “Yeah. And my dad will do anything to keep it that way. Believe me. It’s not healthy to stay in a toxic relationship for any reason.”
I leaned against the bar. It might have been better to hide under it. At least it’d protect me if the world kept tumbling down.
“God, it’s so bleak,” I said. “How can any love actually last? Marriages get broken, people drift apart, and even the most stable and loving of relationships can just—poof! Be over. There’s nothing keeping people together.”
Nothing.
Not vows. Not love.
Not even children.
The fairy tales got it wrong. Snow White probably left the prince for someone less Grumpy and Sleepy. I bet Ariel discovered an entirely different sexual orientation when she looked closer at those new legs in a mirror. And Cinderella? When her kingdom didn’t implement labor laws for minimum wage workers, I doubted she just walked away in those glass slippers. Her happily-ever-after included a social and industrial revolution. Then she probably died surrounded by rats as a princeless oligarchy descended into anarchy.
It wasn’t a story I’d read to my baby.
What hope did anyone have if the stories only showed the puppy-dog eyes and first kisses? No one talked about mortgages and sickness and jobs and…accidental babies.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Nate sipped his beer. “Or am I supposed to guess?”
“Please don’t try to guess.”
“Then tell me.”
“You wouldn’t understand.” I didn’t understand. “I want that romance. I’ve always imagined passion and excitement and sharing the world with someone. I wanted commitment and love.”
“So find it.”
“With who?”
I didn’t mean to say that. I averted my eyes before humiliating myself any more than a single, unwed mother with a crush on her baby-daddy could.
“Is there even such a thing as love?” I asked.
“Christ. Come with me.”
Nate grabbed my arm. I stumbled as he led me to his office. The door slammed behind him, and he pointed to his desk. “Sit down. Stop being so fucking crazy.”
That did not help the hormones. Rage-sniffles were neither endearing nor intimidating.
“That’s what you’re going to say to me?” I crossed my arms. “Stop acting crazy?”
“I’m not Rick. You want to discuss the depth of human emotions, talk with the man who has dissected the most hearts.”
“He’s a cardiologist, not a—”
“You want my honest opinion? You know what you really need?”
This would be good. “What?”
“To get fucked.”
Exactly what I expected.
“Is that your solution to everything?” I slapped his hand away. “If I sprain an ankle, are you going to rub your dick on it?”
“If it helped!”
“Getting fucked isn’t going to help me.”
His eyes hardened, completely serious, completely invasive. He saw through my freak-out and hit the core of everything that frightened me.
“Stop worrying about other people. Stop judging their happiness based on what you think is a perfect world. It doesn’t exist.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I lived through it. My parents put appearances before reality every damn time. My mom never spoke out of turn to my father. And when I was a kid, neither did I. My dad was a very spare the rod kinda guy, if you get me.” Nate frowned. “I couldn’t play football with Bryce or Rick because we had practices when I was supposed to be at youth group. Mom wasn’t allowed to work because a woman’s role was in the household. Dad insisted we looked Christian, said the right things, acted the correct way, and never, ever disobeyed him.”
“I didn’t know.”
“No one does. They see perfection. But you know what that life is?” He bumped my chin up to meet his stare. “Boring. Filled with unhappiness. Lacking the only thing that matters in life.”
“Family?”
“Pleasure.”
“We are so wrong for each other.”
Oh sweet baby Jesus, I said that out loud.
I covered my face. This was mortifying. That comment stripped away the remnants of my dignity, the remaining bits not bookmarked between the pages of What To Expect When You’re Expecting.
My voice weakened. “I didn’t mean…I’m not saying we’re…we have different philosophies.”
Nate smirked. “We have one thing in common.”
“What’s that?”
“We both want you to be happy.”