Once Upon A Half-Time 1(76)
“I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you,” I said.
“Fuck me. Thanks.”
Damn it. “That’s not what I meant. We can either do this together, or we can make an arrangement. I can raise the baby by myself—”
“Like hell! You’re not going to be alone in this. I’ll be with you, every step of the way.” His voice hardened. “I won’t make the same mistake twice.”
“Our marriage was kinda sudden and probably a little foolish…” Maybe a lot foolish. “This is a baby. I’m scared, but this feels like it could be a really good thing.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t have a family growing up—I had a prison. Now it’s my chance to experience what you have with your mom and Bast. I’m going to give this baby a beautiful, loving home.”
“Absolutely.”
“And I bet, if we do this together…we could raise a pretty awesome kid.”
“I know.”
His voice strained. He looked away. Scared? Probably. Hell, I was terrified. At least I had nine months to get over the shock.
Well. Eight months now.
“Lachlan, I’ve seen you with Sebastian. You’re a natural with kids.”
“Elle—”
“I know we can do this. We can handle it. If we’ve managed the marriage so far, and we’ve gotten so…close. I’ve been feeling…a lot of things for you. And maybe it’s time—”
“Wait. I should tell you something.”
I shook my head. If I didn’t say it now, I wouldn’t say it at all. “You are a wonderful man. A little crazy sometimes. And maybe you should come with a shock collar. But it’s all part of your charm.”
“Red…”
“I hadn’t planned on starting a family yet, but now when I close my eyes, you’re the only man I can imagine in my life. It’s scary. It’s fast. It’s absolutely insane. But I know you’re going to make a great father—”
“I am a father, Elle.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to imply…the baby’s not born, but of course you’re a father.”
“Elle, listen to me.” Lachlan’s voice lowered. I’d never heard him so serious before. “I am a father. I already have a child.”
I pulled my hands away. “What are you talking about?”
“I kept it secret, even from you. No one knows.”
“Knows what?”
“Sebastian is my son.”
19
Lachlan
My secret was supposed to shock her. Instead I got the gut-punch.
It crushed my chest just like it had in high school, when Victoria twisted the knife and revealed that she was pregnant. But the panic never went away. Once he was born, it twisted into a different fear—an all-consuming, terrifying love that blended devotion and protectiveness and anxiety.
How was I supposed to care for a child?
My world changed after he was born. I held him in the hospital—a little four and a half-pound sack of nothing—and I felt like the tiny one. When I sang to him during his months of colic, I was the one in pain as he cried. When he spoke my name for the first time—a little squeak of Lockin!—the amazement stole my own words.
Every day with him scared the ever-loving fuck out of me, but I wasn’t upset because I had a son.
I feared how quickly he was growing up.
But he didn’t know it.
No one did.
Except for Elle.
She hadn’t moved. I pulled my phone from my pocket and snapped my own damn picture of her surprise. Elle stared at me like I was insane.
“Fair is fair, Red,” I said.
“Lachlan.” She wasn’t mad, but she tried to piece together a puzzle she wouldn’t understand. “He’s your son? But you would have been…”
“I was sixteen when I got my high school girlfriend pregnant.”
“I had…no idea. Does Sebastian—”
“No one knows. Only my mom and my ex’s parents.”
That surprised her more. “Are you going to tell him?”
“He’s five. His biggest concern in life is putting his shoes on the right feet. I’m not going to fuck with his head like that.”
“Will you…ever tell him?”
I hadn’t had to face that reality yet. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to tell him?”
“Christ, Elle.” I rubbed my head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to do any sort of psychological damage to the kid. Not to mention all the explanations I’d have to give, how confused he’d be. He’d have to know…”
What had happened before he was born.