On Second Thought(69)

"How are your parents?"

"Uh...they're fine." Dad had taken Candy's news with grace (I hoped he  noticed Candy had moved out), then gone off to Anaheim for a few days.  But I wasn't going to tell the Fishers about my parents. A few months  ago, Judy would've been the first person I called. That had obviously  changed.

"Would you come over, honey? We have a little something for you."

I looked at the time. Two o'clock. "Okay. I'll be there in about an hour."

I showered and dressed carefully in a white dress with pink poppies  printed on it and pink canvas shoes. Put on a little makeup. "Come on,  Ollie," I said. "We're going for a ride." The Fishers loved Ollie.         

     



 

On the drive over, I wondered what they had for me. Maybe something from  our house? Maybe my Hanukkah presents, since Judy shopped all year  round to find the perfect gifts?

I pulled into their driveway, and the lump came back to my throat. I  couldn't count the number of times I'd been here. Hundreds. I was in at  least five framed photos that hung in the house-more than at my own  parents' house.

I opened the door, which was never locked. "Hello?" I called, setting  Ollie on the floor. My little dog tore off into the kitchen, barking  madly. "It's Ainsley."

"Come on in, honey!" Judy called. I walked into the kitchen, the smell of baked goods in the air.

And jerked to a stop.

Eric was here, holding Ollie in his arms as the overjoyed and traitorous dog licked his face, whining with happiness.

"Sweetheart!" Aaron said, hugging me. My arms stayed at my sides.

My never-fiancé smiled at me. "Hey," he said. Hey. After all this, hey? Please.

He looked confident and gorgeous. He was wearing contacts, which was  unusual, and had a beard, like in the picture. His hair was longer than  I'd ever seen it, scooped back into the dreaded man-bun, and his face  was ruddy from sun exposure, his nose a little burned.

His rugged man appeal hit me straight in the gut. "Eric," I said flatly. "You're back."

"I did what I needed to do," he said.

"Well, surprise!" Judy said. "We'll leave you kids alone to talk.  There's cake! And cookies. And some ice cream in the freezer. And if  you're hungry, Ainsley, there's a roast chicken in the fridge."

"We're good, Mom. Thank you," Eric said, setting down the dog.

"We'll just go outside, then. Ollie, do you want a ball? Can you catch  the ball?" Ollie flew out with them, and Judy tossed a tennis ball, but  if I knew her, she'd be at the window eavesdropping in ten seconds.

"Have a seat," Eric said, pulling a chair back. "You look fantastic."

"I won't be here long, Eric."

"Well, hear what I have to say, okay? I mean, we have ten years together."

"Eleven."

"Even more reason to stay." He smiled and poured me some coffee,  stirring in sugar and cream. Irritating, that he remembered how I took  it.

He sat down next to me. "Want cake?"

"Just get to it. I have things to do. That man-bun looks ridiculous, by the way."

He laughed, not bothered in the least. "Yeah, I need to get a haircut." He looked at his own coffee. "Thank you for seeing me."

"I was tricked into it."

"Well, thanks anyway." Another smile. "Okay, I'll cut to the chase. I  can't say I made a mistake in going to Alaska, but I sure made a mistake  leaving you." He looked at me steadily.

"Fascinating," I said. "Are you done?"

"Ains, I don't know what happened. To say I freaked out would be a gross understatement."

"Agreed."

"I think you know better than anyone-better than I do, even-what was  going on. It's just like you said. I was scared of dying, then Nathan's  accident... I just lost it." He squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I lost  you. I threw you away, and it was the stupidest thing I've ever done in  my life. For the past month, I've been meditating on it and I'm so, so  sorry, Ainsley. You're the best thing-"

"Why don't we stop here?" I interrupted. "Apology not accepted. Was that all?"

He put his hand over mine, and it was still there. The tingle. The  connection. The familiarity that I used to love with all my heart. My  Eric, our life.

Which he'd shat upon.

I pulled my hand back.

He leaned forward, his face earnest and serious, none of that glazed-over zealousness he'd had all through his cancer months.

"You have every right to be mad and hurt," he said. "Of course you do.  And, babe, if I could have a do-over on the past four months, I'd take  it in a heartbeat. If you gave me another chance, I'd spend the rest of  my life making sure you didn't regret it. I love you. I've always loved  you."

"That's not what you said in the restaurant that night. And that's not what you blogged about."

"I think I was having a psychotic break."

"Oh, please."

He nodded. "Okay. A midlife crisis, then, a decade or so early?" He  smiled, then grew serious again. "Ainsley, for eleven years, we were so  perfect together. We've had a hundred and thirty-seven months together. I  did the math," he added with a wink. He knew I couldn't multiply in my  head. "Four of those months were me being a complete and total ass. Does  that wipe out everything else? Because I did want to marry you. I still  do. I want you to be the mother of my-"         

     



 

"Stop," I said. "I don't want to hear this." But my voice was trembling  with an emotion I couldn't pin down. Anticipation? Happiness? Hate?

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring. "Let me make it up  to you, Ainsley. Marry me. Let's have that life we were meant to have.  I'll never let you down again." He gave a crooked smile, his lovely  brown eyes warm.

And there was my ring, the first time I'd seen it since the night Nathan died. The beautiful, hypnotic ring.

I suddenly knew what the trembling was. Fury.

"Are you out of your mind?" I said. "You smug, spoiled, entitled little  shit. You broke my heart, humiliated me every chance you got, called me a  corpse dragging you down, and you think I'm going to marry you?"

"But I'm sorry," he said, his eyebrows coming together. "I didn't know  what I was doing. I was wrong, and now I want to do what's right. Let me  fix this. I didn't mean what I said or did."

"I disagree. You did and said exactly what you wanted to. And now that  you've communed with the Inuit and listened to the wolves and your  fifteen minutes of fame is over, you think you can just pick up where we  left off? No."

"But...but... Ainsley, listen. Honey. Listen." He sat back in his chair  and put both hands on the table. "I talked to Ryan Roberts. He'll  interview us on his show."

Fresh shock slapped the hell out of my face. "You gotta be kidding me."

"No! I can undo everything I did! I was an ass on television, and now I  can go back on the air and eat humble pie and tell the world how much I  love you." He paused. "And you love me. I know you do."

I stood up and pushed my chair back into the table. "No, Eric, I don't. I  did, but you smashed that, and it doesn't get glued back together."

"Well, I know there's not someone else, because you're not the type to sleep around for revenge." He stood up, too. "Are you?"

"My personal life is no longer your business. Good luck with  everything." I opened the slider. Aaron and Judy froze, Ollie leaping  around their feet.

They knew. Their faces fell.

"Bye, you two," I said, and then my eyes did fill with tears. These  people had been the family I always wanted. But they weren't mine  anymore. "Thank you for everything."

"We'll always love you, sweetheart," Aaron said, and I choked on a sob. Then I scooped up my dog and left.

Cried all the way home, Ollie whining from the backseat.

When I was in the center of Cambry-on-Hudson, I decided to call Jonathan. "Are the girls there?" I asked.

"No, I just dropped them off with their mother." There was a pause. "Are you all right?"

"Can I come over?"

"Of course."

When I parked at his house, I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. My chest  and neck were blotchy, and Ollie licked my face, then whimpered to get  out.

I went inside, Ollie nearly killing me by tangling in my feet so he could beat me.

"Hello, Oliver," Jonathan said, bending down to pet him, though his eyes were on me. "Has something made your mommy sad?"

"Eric's back in town."

He stood up and folded his arms. Adjusted his gaze so it was over my shoulder. "I see."

"He wants to get back together. I didn't even know he was back, but his parents called me, and-"

"Oh, no, by all means, get back together," he said, his voice almost a  growl. "You have eleven years with him, right? So what if he humiliated  you in front of eight million people and left you so he could find his  spirit animal in Alaska? Absolutely, you should get married and have  little Erics and-"