Obsession, Loving An Alpha Male(28)

Josh moved in front of me and put his hands up. He pled with his eyes and I saw a lot of emotion in them, but I refused to let that affect me.

“It’s not what you think, okay? I want to explain everything, but I can’t right now. I’m working and…”

“Working? Really? Are you working with the company that you resigned from before you went out of town?”

Josh frowned. “Resigned? What are –”

I interrupted him not wanting to hear another word from him. “You said you would call me the moment you came back. I’ve been calling you and texting and nothing.”

“I know, but…”

“You didn’t bother to return any of my calls. Hell, you couldn’t even send me smoke signals… and now when I finally see you, you’re on a date?”

“Sweets, I know this looks bad, but I’m not on a date.”

I laughed. “Oh really? So, what would you call that upstairs?”

I folded my arms in front of me and waited.

Josh sighed deeply and said slowly, “Work.”

“Humph. Work…What are you? An escort or something? No, you know what, don’t answer that… just leave me alone.”

I spun away from him, but he came up behind me and wrapped me tight in his arms again. “Just give me a chance to explain.”

“Let me go Josh, please.” I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking as I felt the tears starting to fall.

I looked up toward the sound of someone coming down the steps toward us. The moment I saw the beautiful black girl that was with him come down the steps, I struggled against him. I needed to get out of here.

“Please, Josh,” I whispered, closing my eyes tight, willing him to let go. He sighed deeply, then suddenly I felt him let go. I gasped lightly from the sudden feeling of loneness that came over me the instant he freed me. It felt final and it was breaking me. I didn’t say anything to the woman as I passed her quickly, hoping to just get far away from them both as fast as I could.

I didn’t bother saying too much to Mr. Creepy and I’m sure from the state I looked he wasn’t going to bother asking what was wrong. Still I mumbled something about cramps as I passed him.

When I finally got home, I climbed into bed and cried myself to sleep. I heard my phone ringing, but I ignored it. I knew it was Josh, and I didn’t want to talk to him or see him. I knew, however, he would make his way to me at some point, so that morning I rose early, left his car in front of my apartment and caught the bus to the other side of town.

I found myself in the West Mifflin area at Pittsburgh’s amusement park called Kennywood. I spent the majority of my day there walking around, riding rides and eating everything I saw. I watched a very entertaining show the park put on and just sat and watched the people walk by.

It was late when I left the park but not late enough. I caught the bus back close to town and found a bar in the Strip District that I could drown my sorrows at and not be bothered too much. Fortunately, the drinks in this place were strong as hell, so it didn’t take very long for me to drown. I swear I didn’t think they put juice in with the alcohol at all. The fried chicken was the best I’d tasted though.

After my third drink and the pep talk I gave myself repeating this wasn’t my fault, I decided to go home. The messed up part about this was I didn’t have my cell phone. I didn’t want to be bothered by it when I left this morning, but now I truly needed it. I looked at the female bartender and asked her if she could call me a cab. Of course this enlisted a bunch of offers to take me home or to go home with them. I smiled but declined, trying very hard not to offend anyone. I knew no one here, and I didn’t want to get into trouble I couldn’t get out of.

I gave the bartender pleading eyes, and she felt my fear and came over to me in two minutes to tell me she called me a cab. Twenty minutes later, I was riding along Penn Ave heading toward town and to my apartment.

As I rode past The Pennsylvanian, I thought of Josh again. I tried my best to keep him off my mind. But sitting in the bar drinking and hearing sad music being played or all day seeing couples hugged up at the park made my heart ache.

I thought about calling Joy, but I didn’t want to bring her down. Plus, if I was going to make my exit I needed to make it soon, and calling her would make this harder than it already would be.

I don’t know why, but I blamed myself for everything. I knew the rules, but I ignored them. I’d spent too much time here, but most of all, I let my guard down and let people into my heart. Joy I would never forget, nor the people that I worked with. But Josh, he’d be the one person I’d never get over. I really should have known better. Happiness just wasn’t in the cards for me. It never was, not long term anyway. I really should have just taken this for what it was; fun while it lasted. I could at least say I made love with a man that meant the world to me, even though I didn’t mean the same to him.

I leaned down into the cab, thinking about the time I’d spent with Josh. The many times we went to the movies, met and had lunch in the park. We used to talk for hours on the phone, telling each other our deepest desires and dreams.

I mean, I thought this man was my soul mate, the one person that would save me and protect me, but boy was I wrong. I wiped the last of my tears and I pulled out my contacts and threw them out the window as I rode in the taxi. I rubbed my eyes and moaned at the feeling of freedom even if it was only for just a few minutes.

The cab pulled up to my building, I paid him, mumbled a thanks, and I walked into my apartment building imagining how good my bed was going to feel and how messed up I would be in the morning. Maybe I’d be so sick I wouldn’t even think about him.

I walked in my door, or rather stumbled inside, locked it and leaned against it. The room started spinning out of control, or maybe it was me, which could be very plausible.

I pulled off my sneakers and left them by the door. I walked slowly around a partition type wall that separated the doorway from the kitchen with my head in my hands. I needed some water, I knew, to help with this killer hangover I was beginning to have so headed toward my kitchen when I froze. The scent of cologne I knew all too well invaded my nostrils. My head shot up, and my eyes looked on a very quiet yet brooding figure that was Joshua Cooper.

He was sitting in one of my dining room chairs, leaning back against my counter. It was dark in the apartment so I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel the vibes of anger coming off him.

Don’t let him faze you, girl. I frowned to get into character.

I asked, “How did you get in here?”

He simply replied, “Where were you?”

I folded my arms trying to show indignation and deepened my frown.

“Get the hell out of my apartment!”

“That’s not going to happen. Where the fuck were you?”

I ambled to him, voice rose as I concentrated on one of the Joshes in front of me. “How dare you come in here and question me.” I pointed at my quarries, not really sure which was the real one and which was the double. “Get the fuck out, Josh!”

If I haven’t mentioned this, being around Josh has rubbed off on me, and in some instances not in a good way. I have found that cursing seems to be the best way to communicate my feelings to him, or it’s the only way he listens.

“Make me.” He folded his arms…. He folded his arms?

“I don’t have to make you. I’ll call the cops on you. That’s what I’ll do.”

He laughed. “Yeah, good luck with that shit.”

I walked as quickly as my drunk self could muster and went into my room in search of my phone. When I didn’t see it, I came back out and looked at him.

“Where’s my phone?”

He answered. “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. You need to give me back my phone then you need to get out.”

“Sit down,” he said simply with a calm tone that was really driving me mad.

“No, damn it, I will not sit down. Give me back my phone. And…” I looked around as if we had an audience in the room. “How did you get in here?”

“Sweets, I’m this close to tying you to a chair and making you sit down. Now sit the fuck down so we can talk.”

I yelled, “What part of no don’t you understand? I will not sit down. I will… Argh…” I squelched as Josh sprang up from the chair, grabbed me by my arms and lifted me on my counter.

He moved in between my legs and put his arms on either side of me, caging me.

“Oh my God, woman, can you shut the hell up for one fucking second? Honestly, you’re lucky I’m fucking in love with you, I swear to God…”

He’s what?

I tried to move away from him, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Back up, Josh,” I said softly as the words he spoke suddenly hit me, and the pain of what I saw started coming back.

“Did you hear what I just said to you?” Josh looked at me, but I refused to let what he said get to me.

He couldn’t possibly be in love with me after what I saw.

So I repeated, “Back up.”

“No.”

“Damn it, Josh, move.”

“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? So here’s how this is going to go. You’re going to listen to what I have to say. Then I’m going to let you ask me whatever you want. And you will tell me where the fuck you were and why you left your phone.”