Numbers (New Species #14-15)(42)

Candi appreciated the advice. “I can’t make him listen if he won’t be near me.”
“He’s not going to Reservation.”
“What is that?”
“It doesn’t matter since he’s not going. I clipped his wings. No pilot will fly him there.” She grinned. “Hero isn’t leaving Homeland.”
“He wants you to take me away.”
“I’m not going to pick you up and carry you kicking and screaming to the women’s dorm. The males will get their asses kicked if they try it. Do you feel like leaving?”
“No. I want to stay close to him.”
Breeze grinned. “Give him hell.” She glanced down at Candi’s body. “You need to put on a lot of weight, but I can’t see him kicking you out of his bed. Do you understand?”
“No.”
Breeze winced. “You only shared sex once. I forgot about that. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but canine hearing is good. Okay, get naked. He’s a male with strong feelings for you. Nature will take care of the rest.”
“He won’t even let me touch him.” She wasn’t opposed to the idea. She actually wished he would mount her.
“Get naked and he’ll be the one doing the touching.”
“He will probably leave again.”
“Perhaps.”
“He has a female.” It tore her up, saying those words.
“No, he doesn’t.” Breeze leaned in and took her hand. “You were part of a breeding experiment once so you might know that Species females were taken from male to male in hopes we’d get pregnant. Sometimes they would drug the males first. It made them violent and unable to think. We worried if we’d survive being mounted when they were in that state, and some of us were badly injured.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Breeze squeezed and released her hand. “It wasn’t their fault. It was the drugs they were forced to take. They don’t remember their actions when they were in that condition and that’s a good thing for all of us. Some of our females avoid the ones they were bred with while on drugs. A female won’t tell a male he once hurt her because they’d tear themselves up the way your Hero is doing because he harmed you with that chain, only they’d be much worse. They didn’t just strike us. We don’t want them to suffer. Some of our females will share sex with one of those males from her past to make good memories in hopes of canceling out the bad. We have had good and bad experiences with them, and that makes it difficult to find absolute trust with a Species male. We’re trying though. We do that by sharing sex with different males and not growing too close to one. So far though, we avoid mating with our males. I’d know if one of my females was serious about a Species male. It would be impossible to hide.”
“He might have feelings for a female.”
“There’s no one female he’s been steadily seeing. There isn’t a bond.” Breeze stood. “He just got out of the shower. I heard the water turn off. He might be able to hear us now.” She winked. “I’m leaving an officer in the hallway since a few Species are worried about your safety and his sanity. I told them he wouldn’t hurt you and you sure aren’t a spy.” She laughed. “But welcome to the NSO. We’re a nosy, well-meaning bunch.” She lowered her voice. “Give him hell and don’t give up. Hurry in there before he gets dressed. He just opened his closet.”Breeze left and Candi stood and hesitantly walked toward the closed door. Can it be that simple? She wished, but didn’t hold out much hope. It took courage to open the door but she did, stepping inside his bedroom.
The sight of a mostly naked Hero left her mouth dry. He had a lot of muscles and had really filled out since their youth. His chest was broader, so were his shoulders, and he was much darker skinned. The sunshine had given him a golden hue that looked really good. The towel wrapped around his waist dipped low, revealing more muscles spread from his rib cage to the top of this towel.
“What are you doing?” He spun, dropping a pair of jeans on the carpet.
Speak, she ordered, but no words formed. He was beautiful. It did funny things to her body and she understood. She wanted to touch him all over, explore him. She ached from the need.
“Candi?” His voice came out gruff and harsh. “Get out.”
She stepped farther into the room and closed the door, sealing them inside. He might run. She wouldn’t allow it. He’d have to throw her out of his way to leave his bedroom. That would mean having to touch her. That was something he didn’t want to do. She leaned against the cool wood.
Her gaze lifted to his face. He was furious. She accepted that. Breeze had made some really valid points and her own anger surfaced. Rage was one emotion she had learned worked to her advantage at times. She’d survived hell, just for the chance of going after the ones responsible for 927’s death. He was alive and they were in the same room. He should want to hold her as much as she wanted to be in his arms.
“My pup isn’t a pup anymore.”
He growled. “Don’t call me that.”
“That’s right. You’re Hero, an adult male.” She stared at his chest, at his arms. “So strong and tough.” She met his glare. “At least you look that way, but you’re a coward.”
His mouth dropped open but he recovered, snarling. “What are you doing, Candi? Do you want me to attack you?”
“No. I want you to stop running as if this is a game of chase. We played that as children. It’s not fun right now.”
“I’m not playing games. You need to go to the women’s dorm.”
“I don’t belong there. I belong with you.”
“You don’t know me anymore. I’m not the same.”
“Let me get to know you again.”
“The past is behind us.”
“You lie now? That’s a trait of a human.”
“It’s not a lie.” He seemed insulted.
“We are our past. It shaped who we’ve become.” She tapped her chest. “I lived to be with you, and then I survived after that horrible day so I could make the ones responsible pay for your death. You were in every one of my thoughts. Did you forget about me? What we were? All the years we spent sharing our space? Deny it, and I call liar.” 
He growled in the back of his throat.
“Tell me that you never think about the future we could have had if that day hadn’t happened. Try to picture how it would feel to kiss and claim me. I think about it often.” She openly studied every inch of his body that she could see. “I hurt to touch you.”
“Fuck.” He spun away, giving her his back.
“That’s a crude way to put it, but that too.”
He snarled, spinning to face her again. “I can’t do this. It was too hard to lose you the first time. It took me years to put my life together and find peace over what happened after you died.”
“I’m not dead.”
Some of his anger faded. “I’m grateful.”
“I’m more than grateful that you’re here with me. It’s a miracle and a gift. You’re trying to throw it away. How can you do that? All we ever dreamed about was being allowed to be together without anyone stopping us.” She glanced around, and then pointedly regarded him. “No one is here. It’s just us. This is our chance.”
“I’m not the same. Too many things have happened. You’re not the same.”
She grew silent, catching the pain in his last words. “If I hadn’t allowed that feline to mount me, would you still be across the room, or would you be holding me? Be truthful.”
He looked away. “I don’t know.”
It injured her heart, hearing the broken tone of his voice when he rasped the words. She’d hurt him so deeply that it might be impossible to forgive. Grief wrenched at her so strongly that she was grateful to be leaning against the door.
“Talk to me. Please? Tell me what you’re thinking and feeling.” She’d already told him why it had happened and how she’d suffered. Now he needed to tell her.
He paced the small space between the bed and the closet, staying away from her. He finally stopped and snapped his head up. “You were mine. You knew it would kill me inside so why didn’t you just let me die?”
She understood. “It would have torn me to pieces if they’d brought a female to you and if you’d mounted her, but after I thought about it for a while, do you know what I finally realized?”
“What?”
“You’d help me heal that pain once they let us be together. We’d have each other to console. I knew I was the one you wanted, not someone else. I thought you knew the same about me.” She fought tears. “I knew you’d hold me and make me forget everything but you. It’s what we always did for each other. Our love was too strong for them to break, no matter how hard they tried.”
Tears shone in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. “We were young.”
“In years maybe, but we grew up fast there. They didn’t treat us as children.”
He took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t know how to get past this.”
A memory flashed of when they’d been kids. He’d endured a beating when they’d taken her away for a medical checkup. He’d thought they were going to hurt her and had fought to protect her from the techs. She’d returned to their space, and it was the first time he’d been chained to the wall. He wouldn’t even look at her, had just snarled.