Now or Never(36)
“Begging, Julian? I’ve always know you were weak, but I don’t believe I’ve ever heard you beg before. It’s pathetic. Have my next payment ready by next week. And I better be more impressed than last time.”
Jay sat crumpled on the kitchen tiles, leaning against the cabinet for support as the line went dead. Em may very well be his weakness—he sure as hell felt weak now—but she was also his strength. His hope. She’d be his strength now, too, and he would find a way to do this. For her.
Chapter Twenty-two
Em
Spaz attack was just about the only accurate description of Ashlyn’s near hysteric response to the concert idea when Em told her the name of the band Mason had mentioned. She’d called them both out of work for the entire weekend in order to ‘get ready’. Why getting ready would take two days, Em was almost afraid to find out, but she was thankful for the distraction.
Ever since that letter had arrived, Em had done everything possible to stay out of her own head. To stop thinking about Tori and what she must have gone through. Must still be going through. Nothing worked.
There were no pictures of her in any of the articles Em had obsessed over since she was a minor. So, like her name, Em could only draw it from memory. She didn’t have many of the girl next door. They’d been five years apart in age and never close. In fact, Em couldn’t recall ever even speaking to her. But there was one that stood out of a little blonde girl—maybe eight years old—swinging on her swings in the back yard. It was about a year after her uncle had started abusing her and she remembered watching Tori and trying to recall what it felt like to be that free. But Tori wasn’t free anymore. She was a prisoner to his perverted acts, same as Em now. And it was all her fault.
Nights spent lying awake in Ashlyn’s guestroom, Em wondered if her envy had somehow caused this. If she’d secretly wished this on that poor girl. But it wasn’t true. She wouldn’t wish this on her worst enemy. She’d simply failed to stop it from happening, which didn’t make it any less her fault. Her fault. Her fault . . .
Not seeing Jay for the whole weekend was actually an unexpected bonus. Since her impromptu meltdown in his truck, things had gotten even tenser between them. They were both toying with this invisible ‘friendship’ line, but it didn’t seem either of them really knew where exactly it was. What was acceptable and what wasn’t. There was a lot of murky, gray area lying between them that they both hesitated to set foot in.
It seemed the only time she talked to him anymore was when she was in tears, and Em felt guilty about that, too. She couldn’t help herself, though. He was Jay. He was the only person she could truly be honest with emotionally. Not always struggling to maintain those walls she used to hide from everyone else. Even Ashlyn couldn’t break through the barriers to those raw emotions that Jay’s presence alone allowed her to feel safe enough to release. She needed that. The awkwardness and careful avoidance it led to, however, was slowly driving her mad.
Em had even gone so far as to try and find a few shifts she could trade where she could work alone, afraid Jay might distract her right into unemployment, but found no luck. His name covered almost every available shift on the schedule. Whether it was bartending, waiting, or busing, he was scheduled to work all but one day over the next two straight weeks. And most of them were double—sometimes even triple—shifts. What the hell was he trying to do?
“Everyone copes in their own way.” That was Ash’s grand explanation. “Jay has work . . . and we are going to rock our faces off!”
It was that distraction alone, and Ash’s contagious excitement, that got Em through the week without giving in to the desire to confront Jay about his apparent desire to work himself to death.
Em sat on the couch listening to Ash shout something about the need to go shopping from inside her closet and groaned. She hated the mall pretty much any day of the week, but Saturday’s were particularly awful. No parking, people everywhere, lines out the door. Why would anyone want to go through all of that?
“Come on. Let’s go.” Ash tugged her off the couch on her way by and tossed Em her coat from the entryway closet.
She owed Ashlyn big time for everything she’d done. Em sighed and tugged on the warm, wool lined coat Jay had gotten her, figuring that tagging along for a shopping trip was the least she could do.
As expected, parking took roughly ten and a half years, and when they finally found a spot she had to squeeze out thanks to the jackass parked halfway over the line. As they strolled the concourse, Em was quickly reminded why she avoided crowded areas as a rule. Each bump, each accidental brush sent her pulse racing. Christ, she couldn’t even window shop without fear of stroking out.