Now or Never(2)

“It’s okay.” Em wrapped her arms around Jay from behind and laid her head on his heaving back. His heart beat frantically beneath her cheek. “It’ okay. I’m here.”

She felt him swallow and then his whole body tensed for a moment before he shifted in her arms so that he was facing her, and pulled her into him. Pressed against his chest almost too tight to breath, she could feel his body slowly relaxing. His muscles eased, his grip loosened. Still, he shook.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispered the words into her hair.

Not knowing what he was apologizing for, Em decided it was probably best to simply accept it. “It’s okay. Everything’s all right now.” And, unlike many of the times they’d said those words to one another in the past, this time they were true.

Things weren’t perfect. The third dinner of Ramen noodles that week sitting like a cold lump in her stomach could attest to that, but it was food. They had a solid roof over their heads, a warm, safe place to sleep, and above all, they had each other. Em would never dream to ask for anything more.

“Did I wake you?”

“No.”

Jay leaned back just far enough to study her face. “Nightmare?”

Em nodded. Nightmares had become her constant companion. Being free of the danger didn’t erase the memories that plagued her unconscious mind nearly every time she shut her eyes. Most times, she couldn’t remember them upon waking, but when she came to, suddenly, in the middle of the night with a pounding heart and eyes stinging from unshed tears, it wasn’t hard to figure out what caused it.

“It’s all right, Em.” A pair of strong arms wrapped around her, gently guiding her head to a well-muscled chest. Jay had been hitting the gym a lot lately and it was starting to show in all the right ways. Em assumed it was his way of never feeling weak and helpless again. It worked for her. She just wished she could find a way to do the same. “I’ve got you.”

Slowly, he lowered them both back down to the mattress with Em still tucked close. When Jay’s lips brushed over her forehead, Em shut her eyes. She loved nothing more than the feel of his lips . . . except maybe the taste. Luckily, he wasn’t done yet.

Equally as desperate to avoid returning to the horrors that awaited them both on just the other side of consciousness, Jay covered her hair and face with tiny, feather light kisses until she could hardly catch her breath. When his tongue finally tangled with hers, heat raced through Em’s veins like some kind of igniter fluid. She couldn’t have stopped the gasp that escaped her lips if she tried, and when she felt Jay smile against her mouth, she was glad she hadn’t.

His talented lips continued their trail downward, along her neck, and Em tipped her chin up to give him better access as Jay’s fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt. He lifted it up an inch and stopped, waiting on her go-ahead before taking things any further, as always. When she arched her back and began tugging at the shirt herself, Jay took the hint and finished the job.

They’d been this far before—more than once—but it still made Em’s pulse race. Mostly with excitement and anticipation, but there was always that ever present fear lingering in the back of her mind, a small nagging presence that kept things from ever going any further. For months, Jay had been infinitely patient with her, never pushing, never even asking, but could she really expect him to wait around for her forever?

The coarse scruff on his jaw rubbed against the delicate skin just below her ear, setting her body on fire. Christ, she loved when he did that. His delicious scent surrounded her. She bathed in the smell of him, the touch, the taste. A small moan escaped her lips before she even knew it was coming. He just felt so . . . good.

Propped up on one elbow, Jay trailed his mouth back down her torso, along the curve of her neck, down her collar bone, over the swell of her breast, and continued downward. Teeth scraped her sensitive flesh, causing waves of heat to wash over her. When he reached her bellybutton, his warm, wet tongue dipped inside.

Panting, Em fisted one hand in the sheets and the other in Jay’s hair. So good. So good. He groaned against her lower belly and she felt the tingles all the way to her toes. As Jay made his way, slowly, up her body again, Em’s eager hands slid over his toned shoulders and down his back, gliding right over the numerous puckered scars she hardly even noticed anymore. To her they were beautiful. He was beautiful, everything about him, including his past. Even if parts of it were unbearably ugly, it had made him who he was—the man she loved.

His muscles rippled under her caress and his breath quickened. Tiny puffs of air fanned her face as his chest slid over hers and she could feel his heart pounding an almost violent rhythm against her own. So distracted by the way she affected him, Em didn’t notice his hands moving until they hooked behind her knees, dragging her legs up and around his waist.