Not a Chance(103)

"He was looking for a drink," Dustin said. Not really to her. But the way parents talk to each other for the benefit of their child's ears. "But I told him he doesn't need one, does he?"

Arden shook her head. "No. You've got us, Travis. We'll help you through this. You don't need a drink."

He clutched at her tighter and sobbed again. She looked to Dustin. "What's his prayer?" she asked. "The prayer he says when he's feeling tempted?"

Dustin nodded approvingly. He put his hand on Travis's back. "Father, give me strength. Father, give me courage. Father give me peace. Help me love my enemies. Help me resist temptation. Help me grow in faith. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for loving me. Amen."

Halfway through the prayer Travis had begun to recite it softly. Arden joined in when she knew it. They said it three times before Travis's sobs finally subsided. Arden held him in silence a few moments longer. Then he gently pulled away and leaned his head back on the cabinets.

He stared ahead of him and looked absolutely miserable. But he wasn't crying anymore. "Sorry about the mess," he said, his voice scratchy.

Dustin patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'll clean it up later."

Travis didn't say anything. Arden sat on her heels and rubbed his arm up and down. He didn't seem to notice her.

Dustin stood and extended his hand to Travis. "Come on. Up you go."

Travis took his hand and pulled himself up. Arden stood. She didn't know what she'd expected. Maybe that he would be sad over his loss, but still find some way to crack a joke or flirt with her or something. But it wasn't so easy. She spent that night and the next three nights with him. She went to work as usual, but stayed in constant contact with Dustin during the day. They'd come to an unspoken agreement that Travis should not be left alone under any circumstances. In the evening she cooked for him and Dustin or brought in take-out. At night she slept with Travis in his bed.

He barely even acknowledged her. He didn't cry anymore. He just kept quiet. He seemed focussed on every movement he had to make during the day, but he didn't do more than absolutely necessary. He went to the shop to work, but he was useless there. One day she went to pick him up after school to find him staring blankly down into the unfinished engine of The Rebel.

Wednesday morning she woke up to find the bed empty. It was unusual that she wouldn't feel him moving. She jumped out of bed but didn't have to go far. He was in the nursery. He was folding blankets and clothes and putting them back in the drawers. Arden watched for a few moments. Travis surprised her by speaking for the first time since Saturday.

"I wish I could have said goodbye," he said. His voice was soft, but even. "Maybe if I can find Tonya I can hold Emily one last time. They might want some of these things, too. I sure as hell don't need them now."

Arden surveyed the room. The grandmothers at church, upon finding out about the baby, had lavished Travis with all their old baby items. As a result, he had at least two of everything.

Travis finished putting the last of the clothes away. He turned to her then. Jeans. No shirt. In any other circumstances, Arden's mind would have wandered to bedroom things. But now she was too concerned about his mental health. He looked her up and down and then a hint of his former swagger appeared. "Hey. Didn't I break up with you?"

She smiled. "I didn't think you meant it."

He looked away, a hint of a smile forming on his lips.

Arden approached him. She draped her arms over his shoulders and kissed his chest. Then she rested her cheek against him. His hands went in her hair and he pulled her head back and kissed her. It wasn't a soft and tender kiss, but a kiss of need...short and hungry. Then he grabbed her by the hand and led her back to the bedroom.

If she'd been looking for a passionate reunion  , she would have been disappointed. He was courteous, but uninterested. He took her efficiently and didn't stick around for any extra. He rolled off of her onto his back and she listened to his breathing even out. Arden sat up and gazed down at him. He was just staring up at the ceiling. If his chest hadn't been rising and falling she might have thought he was dead.

Arden touched his face, trailing her fingers down his cheek and neck and chest. "Feel better?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," she said. And even though there hadn't been any "pleasure" in it for her, she was happy to give him some release. It felt good taking care of him. She hoped that after his grieving over losing Emily, he would be able to get back to his normal, optimistic self.

"I wish she'd just come and talked to me," Travis said.