No Strings Attached(7)

Micky could drink as much as she wanted tonight. All she had to do was hobble the few hundred feet home, and she could sleep in as long as she wanted tomorrow.

She refocused her attention on Amber. Of course she knew what she wanted to talk about, but Micky didn’t have the wherewithal to devote a lot of her emotional resources to that particular subject. First and foremost, she was a mother, and she wasn’t in the habit of putting herself first like that. The only time she had prioritized herself was when she’d asked Darren for a divorce, because, by then, in her view, there really was no other option left. She was still paying for all the consequences of that.

“Ready when you are,” Amber said. “We can talk about me all of next week, if you like.” She painted a smile on her lips.

“What do you want from me?” The wine Micky was knocking back steadily was making her a bit volatile.

“Did you serve anymore wet cappuccinos this week?” Amber asked, ignoring Micky’s tone.

Micky huffed out a chuckle. “If you think she’s so hot, why don’t you ask her out? How do you even know she’s”—before her divorce, Micky had never had any issues saying the word, but it never slipped off her tongue that easily anymore—“a lesbian.”

“I just know. I have the most finely tuned gaydar in Darlinghurst, perhaps in all of Sydney. It’s very hard to put into words, but I just know.”

“Make an effort,” Micky said. Why would Micky let Amber off the hook when she was about to be grilled? Amber sighed. Perhaps Amber felt the way Micky often did when she was trying to get some personal information out of her children. Trying and mostly failing. Micky had to admit it was exasperating. She held up her hands. “I’m sorry. I’m being difficult.”

“That’s okay. I never expected this conversation to be easy.” Amber took a tiny sip from her wine. “But you know I’m all about finding your truth and following it. You may think all I care about is nourishing my body with healthy food and spreading the joy and benefits of yoga, but in the end, it’s really all about truth.” Amber clasped her hand to her chest. “About what’s in here.”

Micky and Amber really were the most unlikely of friends. Then again, Amber hadn’t always been like this. Neither had Micky.

“Okay, yes, though that woman annoyed the shit out of me, I found her very attractive. She’s one of those people probably 90 percent of all adults on the planet would find attractive, and she knows it. Big deal,” Micky blurted out.

“It’s not about the wet capp woman, per se, Micky,” Amber said. “I know it’s hard. Even though I’ve been out of the closet for twenty-five years, I know it’s hard to be where you are now.”

“I don’t even know… I’ve never…” Micky stammered. Even though she knew what she felt stir deep inside of her, she always came up empty when she tried to put it into words.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Amber said, “but the way I see it is that you’ve been married to a man for eighteen years and now you’d like to date a woman.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.” Micky didn’t like the defensive tone of her own voice.

“Is it, really?” Amber’s piercing green eyes scrutinized her face. “When you boil it down to its essence, is it really more complicated than that?”

“Yes.” Micky sighed. “I’m forty-four years old. I have two teenage children. And I’ve never even…” Her words stalled again.

“It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many children you have. This is about you. About finding your true self. Nothing else matters.”

Micky shook her head. Amber wasn’t a mother. She couldn’t understand. “How can I even contemplate the notion without considering what my children will think about it?”

“Don’t you think they want their mom to be happy?”

That question took Micky by surprise. All her life, but especially after the divorce, Micky had poured her energy into trying to make them happy, which, in turn, was a great source of happiness for her. But she’d never taken the time to consider what her children actually wanted for her. They most likely wished their mother had stayed with their father. Micky had upended their lives as well.

“I’m pretty sure they’d prefer it over me being unhappy,” Micky admitted.

“For the sake of argument,” Amber continued, “let’s leave Liv and Chris out of it for now. Let’s focus on you. What do you want?”

What did she want? Darren used to ask her that question often. In the beginning out of genuine interest and once things had started to turn sour between them, with a lot of exasperation in his voice.