Night Shifts Black(46)

       
         
       
        

"We'd talked that day," he continues after a long, painful pause. He wipes his cheeks with a rough hand. "She couldn't take it anymore, the way things were. She wanted to try to work things out. I agreed to meet her that night at a little café called Jemma's. One last shot to fix things."

A sob escapes him and he presses his fists to his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. Finally, he looks up again, his eyes so full, so haunted, I'm completely paralyzed.

"I didn't show … " he whispers in horror. "No, worse than that. I ended up in a hotel room getting wasted with two girls I didn't even know. I just … I just left her there! Fucking abandoned her!"

His hands are shaking as he suddenly pulls out his phone. He scrolls through it with a delicate violence and stops suddenly, his eyes filling again. After a brief pause, he closes them and passes the phone to us, almost dropping it from the trembling. I glance at the screen and gasp, my pulse pounding.

It's a photo from Elena. Just a simple picture. Innocuous to anyone else, but horrifying to those who recognize that ugly, battered, vacant diner chair.

I choke at the caption below it:



"Guess I'm talking to a ghost tonight? Fuck you, Luke. I hate you."



"I left her there to die," he whispers, tears streaming down his cheeks. "She killed herself shortly after she gave up and left." His eyes turn hostile as he shakes his head. "No, sorry, wait. No! I killed her that night," he hisses. "I was supposed to be there! I should have been in that chair! But I'm not, am I! I'm not there!" he cries, furious. "If I had, if I'd just … "

He breaks down completely, and this time it's Casey who closes the gap. He embraces Luke, and my heart explodes in my chest at the sight.

"I need you to forgive me," Luke sobs. "Forgive me for killing her. Please!" he pleads, his eyes wild, desperate, and Casey nods, tears drowning his own.

"I do," he whispers. "You know I do. Just come back to us, ok?"

We don't move for a long time. Casey holding Luke, me serving as a witness to this latest miracle, all of us thinking about the ghost chair locked in the office down the hall. I want to destroy it. Crush it into the unrecognizable pile of garbage it is, but it's not my demon to kill.

"She called me, too, that night," Casey says quietly.

We both stare at him in shock.

He nods and draws in a ragged breath. "Obviously, I didn't know what she was planning to do. I thought it was weird that she called just to say she loved me and was proud of me. But I didn't ask. I didn't understand until after … until they called and said... And then … " He stops and meets Luke's gaze. "I'm the last person she spoke to. Me! I had a chance to help, and I didn't. Maybe it's just as much my fault for not stopping her. For not loving my sister enough to recognize a suicide note when it slaps me in the face." 

"Casey … " Luke says, but Casey pulls away and wipes his eyes.

"I blamed myself for a long time, too, but now I know that blaming only helps if it has the power to change us. To make us better." Casey meets Luke's gaze, almost pleading with him, yet gentle at the same time. "Elena's death made us better, Luke. And now we have a chance to make it matter. To make her matter!"

Luke clenches his jaw, and I can tell Casey's words struck hard. He stares at the far wall, his mind clearly taking off in many directions at once.

"She matters, Case," he whispers, looking up at him again. "So much."

Casey nods. "I know she does. I know." He squeezes Luke's arm, and glances at me. I smile through my tears, so full of compassion and love I can't even speak. He seems to understand anyway as his eyes soften and he returns a weak smile of his own.

We're silent again. All of us, but it's different this time. It's softer, more comforting. We're exhausted from what just happened, and I finally force myself up from the couch. I don't know why, but suddenly, I can only think of one thing. One ending to this incredible, horrible, impossible night.

"I'm going to make some tea," I announce.

I'm met with two shocked stares that quickly transform into perfect grins.

"Tea sounds great," Luke sighs.



∞∞∞



Luke takes his tea to his room, and I place a second steaming cup in front of Casey who's perched at the island.

"I can't believe you're getting two jaded rockers to trade in their whisky for Earl Grey."

"Lady Grey," I correct.

"Lady Grey?"

"Lady Grey. It's milder."

He gives me a skeptical look. "You're making me drink a tea called 'Lady Grey'? You realize this could ruin my career, right?"

"And you will love it," I assure him, rounding the counter to his side.

"Oh, will I?"

I nod with a sly grin and force his stool around to face me.

"Oh yeah."

I slide my hands around his waist, forgetting all about the tea. "Besides, you still owe me a research study," I tease, gripping his shirt and pulling him off the chair.

"Huh?"

"You know, an empirical investigation of whether I like you better with or without clothing?"

His expression turns mischievous as it clicks. "Hmm … that's right. Well, you know me. I'm all about science," he returns.

"Good. I was counting on that," I reply, moving my grasp to the waist of his jeans.

I pull him against me, forcing our bodies together, loving every desperate ache of the mounting tension. His eyes intensify, tracing me, searching me. When his addictive grin breaks, every cell in my body erupts. I wonder if that smile will always make me this crazy.

I can feel the violent thump of his pulse, the hard pressure of his muscles, his hips, braced against mine. I want him so much I can't concentrate on anything else.

"So, which is it? On or off?" he whispers, torturing me with a long, hungry kiss that leaves me gasping.

"Off. Definitely off," I breathe, pulling him toward the couch.








       
         
       
        
Wednesday & Thursday.





I wake up beside Casey in the guest room several hours later. Slivers of light are peeking around the seams of the curtains on the window, so I know it's well into the morning. He's still asleep, and I study his peaceful face for a while.

I can't believe last night happened. Even more unbelievable is the fact that I don't have to lie here regretting it, aching over a euphoric anomaly. Last night could be tonight or tomorrow night or the next night, or all of those nights. We're Casey and Callie now, however, whenever, whatever, we want. It almost doesn't seem fair to the rest of the world.

I trace his hand resting by my pillow, part of me wishing he'd sleep for hours so we could stay like this. The other part missing his smile, his laughter, and counting the seconds until he wakes.

Apparently, he's a light sleeper because a second later I'm staring into those dark, playful eyes.

"Morning," he mutters.

"Morning," I return with a smile.

His own smile breaks through his sleepy expression, and he turns to his back, stretching.

"What time is it?" he asks, and I realize I have no idea.

"I don't know. Does it matter?"

"I guess not." He glances back at me. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long."

He nods. "Hungry?"

"A little. I should shower first, though. I'm sure Eli and Sweeny will be up here any minute, if they aren't already."

Casey grunts. "Good point. I forgot about them." He gives me a sly look. "Like I said, you can be very distracting."

I laugh and take a swing, but he catches my arm against his chest. I try to pull away as he holds firm, but quickly realize I like this position a lot better and settle against him.

"We could just tell them we're sick and stay here all day," he suggests with a glint.

"Nice plan, genius. They'd be right outside the door!"

"We could be quiet!"

"Ha! Yeah right. Nice try," I smirk, although I know if I don't move soon, I will be the one constructing conspiracies to stay. I will never understand how someone can look so good first thing in the morning. I'm sure I don't. I force myself to pull away, and he finally lets me go. It almost hurts to separate from him, and I have to fight the urge to climb back into his arms. There's no way I'd be able to leave then.

Shower. That was it. I was going to take a shower. Maybe a very cold one.

"Shower's big enough for two … " he says as if reading my mind.

I roll my eyes and laugh when I see he's not serious. 

"The shower's big enough for five. We could all fit," I return, sliding off the bed.

He makes a face and tosses a pillow at me.



∞∞∞



Eli and Sweeny are in the kitchen, along with Luke, when I emerge from the guest room, but Casey's missing. They must notice my confused search and tell me he went to get us breakfast. I force a smile, hating that a ridiculous part of me is actually disappointed, that I can't be apart from him for twenty minutes without missing him. Of course, they didn't spend last night with him.