Never Been Loved(21)

“Yeah, but I meant ‘what’s up?’ as in, what do you need? Understand the slight difference?”

Now she’s talking to me like I’m an idiot.

I need to shut this down – whatever this is. This can’t happen. I’m sick of bringing people down in my life, and I won’t do it to anyone else.

“I need to ask you a favour.” A part of her ponytail swings forward, and the hair just settles over her shoulder. Sera’s eyes widen a bit, and her lower lip parts from the upper one, like she’s waiting for a kiss.

My gut tightens, and my dick twitches, ’cause I want to be the one right there, right fucking there, sharing the same air, and touching those lips with my mouth, with my fingers. Wanting her to let me be that close.

I don’t know if she can read me, since she starts sputtering. “Uh... Look, I don’t-”

“Do you have the Disney version of Peter Pan?”

I could laugh at the expression on her face. The way the surprise makes her eyebrows pop high on her forehead, the way her lips form into an O. Just in time for it to be chased away by something else, the brightness in her eyes dims, and those expressive eyebrows get low on her face, and those kissable lips screw up into something that clearly says she’s pissed off.

“Seriously?” I can see the tension in her body, the way her arm tightens up on the inside doorknob, the way her shoulder straightens out, and her spine locks her straight.

I do what I always do. I fuck everything up. “Would I be here otherwise?” She winces. Actually winces, like what I’ve said has hurt her.

I’ve never had anyone react to me like this before. Mom doesn’t give a fuck, Aly’s in the same boat, and Matty’s just a kid. He doesn’t know much yet. But shit. Sera? I’m halfway between wishing someone would William Wallace me, or cut off both my legs and stick me in a wheelchair.

The wince is gone, and the fighter’s back. “I’ve got a problem with this,” she says, almost through clenched teeth. “You want a kid’s movie? For yourself?”

Ah, looks I know all too well. Disgust. Disappointment.

“Look, I don’t really care what you do with your free time, but if it’s to one of my movies then we’ve got some serious problems.”

Now I’m a fucking pervert. Fucking great.

“What the fuck? It’s for my nephew.” I narrow my eyes at her, wondering how she could think that of me. But she doesn’t know me, she doesn’t who I am. And I don’t know why it matters so much.

“Prove it,” she says, and notches up her chin. The perfect little chin where my thumb and index finger could tilt her head up to kiss her. I could want Sera like I’ve never wanted anything in my entire life. And I’d fuck up her future in the process.

Not going to happen.

“Prove it?”

“Yeah!” Her nostrils flare as she pulls in air. I watch her chest move up and down, then glue them back to her face. Pay attention, asshole. “Bring the kid over. Make sure he’s real and not made out of plastic and air.”

Fuck. I don’t want her to meet Matty. But what’s the lesser of two evils? Going back to a whiny kid that makes Russian roulette with a six-shooter look like a viable option, or show the babe next door that I’m a dad and forever kill my chances?

I rub my mouth, thinking. I thought she was beautiful before, now she’s exquisite in her anger. The colour on her cheeks is pink, bright and full of life, full of health. I wonder what she would say if I told her I’m a diabetic.

The first time I told Aly, she didn’t get it; she thought I was playing a joke. She fucked me through that first night, and whenever she’s felt like it for the past ten years. Reminding me that this is what I am, this is what I deserve. What I’m going to get in my life. I want. Fucking. More.

A sick fuck like me only deserves the scum at the bottom of the barrel, not the bright beauty that barely penetrates my darkness. Christ, I need to stop thinking.

“Are we done here?” Her arm tightens up again, and she’s starting to swing the door forward. I checked out with my pity-party and wasn’t paying attention. Sera thinks I’m bluffing. “Definitely done.”

The door closes in my face, throwing the numbers 610 at me. I’ve been dismissed, but I’m used to that. I’ve been trained by the very best.

I stalk over to my apartment, open the door, and motion for Matty to come with me. The little guy gets up from the couch, skipping towards me and my heart does this weird flutter thing in my chest that I think can only be love.

I close the door behind us, and pound my fist against her door for the second time tonight. I wait as Matty arranges himself in front of me, practically leaning back on my legs. It’s something Jules would have done.