Never Again(7)

“Do you want to grab a drink? We haven’t gone out in ages,” Sophie complains as she passes me the mop.

“I don’t know. I’m not in the mood. How about you go out with Matt?”

“I don’t want to go out with Matt. I want to go with you. Come on, you’ve practically stopped living after Josh died. You’re a shadow of your former self. I think it’s time to move on.” She gives me a questioning look, and I furiously scrub the floor with the mop.

“I can’t, alright? I miss him. It’s so hard living on without Josh.”

Sophie takes a deep breath. “You have to at least try. It’s so hard watching you so lifeless. You’re going to break.”

“It’s hard to break something that’s already broken,” I mumble.

It’s been two years since Josh passed away. My whole world crumbled to pieces that horrible day. I was certain my life ended right then and there. A couple of days after the funeral, I went to our bathroom and stood in front of the mirror for a while, scissors in my hands. I grabbed a strand of hair and cut it to above my ears. I continued like that until I cut off all the hair, and then I collapsed on the floor, bursting into a fit of crying. I thought cutting my hair would help me take my mind off Josh for a second, but nothing helped. A few hours later, Sophie found me in the same spot, completely shocked by what she saw. She helped me get on my feet and comforted me. There was a time when I was raging mad at him for daring to leave me, but that feeling was soon replaced by the feeling of emptiness. I felt empty and alone without him, and I fell into depression. Now, I’m a little better, thanks to Sophie, Matt and my parents. They helped me deal and survive the terrible loss. I eventually learned to live without him, but not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. When I flip through the channels on TV and come across motorcycling, I can imagine Josh sitting on the couch, cheering for his favorite racer. Every time I eat risotto, his favorite food, I think of him. Whenever a smell of the aftershave he used wafts through the air toward me, I cannot help but to envision his beautiful face. It was hard, it still is, but I have learned to live with the painful memories of the man I lost too soon. It’s not like I have any other choice.

When the floor is shiny again, I lock the doors and give in to Sophie’s pleading to go out for drinks. I realize I haven’t been much of a friend for the last two years. I was closed off, nothing could cheer me up, but she was my rock the whole time. It’s time to finally let her back in. It’s not fair that I keep pushing her away. Filled with excitement, Sophie drags me by the wrist to the first bar we pass, just in case I would change my mind.

“Hi, what can I get you?” a waitress comes to us a minute after we sit down. I order ice tea and Sophie chooses orange juice.

“Actually, I invited you for drinks for a reason,” she starts. I raise my eyebrows. “Do you remember when I called that radio station about some trip to Spain a month ago? Well, I received a call last week and I won two tickets!” She lets out an excited squeal, and starts jumping up and down in her chair with a wide grin on her face.

“Wow, congrats. You and Matt are going to have a wonderful time there. I’m so happy for you.” Sophie, having just taken a sip of juice, frantically shakes her head.

“No, no, no, I’m not going with Matt.” I give her a confused look. “You are coming with me.” I almost spit out the ice tea I just took a sip of.

“What?! Why? I mean... Why aren’t you going with Matt?”

“Matt also agrees that a little rest and fun in the sun will be good for you, he can’t go anyway, he’s in the middle of negotiations of buying a nightclub.” Sophie watches me intently.

“What about our jobs?” I ask.

“I already told Meredith, and she agrees. She says it’s no problem if you take a week off, and I’ve already taken care of everything at my work.”

Why me? I’m not exactly pleasant company at the moment, but I don’t want to turn her down. I know that would upset her. She’s trying so hard to get me out, among other people, and I don’t know if I could have survived Josh’s death without her support. She forced me to eat, and she came by every day and made my dark days a little lighter. She’s a true friend, and I’ll be forever grateful she’s in my life. Her friendship means too much for me to turn down her offer, so I give in.

“Okay,” I say.

“Really?” Sophie asks incredulously, and a smile appears on her lips. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it! Thank you, thank you, you’ll see how much fun we’re going to have.”