Needing Me, Wanting You(66)

My pulse speeds up so fast, I can hardly keep up, my breath coming in ragged gasps. I almost move after her, but Gaine grabs my shoulder, keeping me back before I do something stupid and spook Seventy-seven Brothers into another firefight. All around us, families laugh, and couples hold hands. The damn plaza is alive and well, and I'm standing here dying inside. I gave myself a weekend to figure my shit out and couldn't manage it. Guess my special Beck bullshit was never meant to be heaped onto one woman.

“Go,” I growl out, wishing she'd turn away from me, leave before I have to see the shimmer of tears in her clover green eyes. Tease bites her lip and slows down, still walking backward, still boring into my soul with her gaze. “Go before I say it,” I snap at her. I can't be thinkin' this shit. It's so ridiculous. Do I have that goofy grin on my face? Not right now, maybe not ever at this rate. But I could. I could and that's why I'm freakin' the fuck out inside.

“Say what, Beck?” she whispers, her voice nearly stolen away in the laughter around us.

“Come on, Tease. It's time to go,” her brother says, standing strong and tall by the fountain on the opposite side of the plaza. He's got the same red hair as she does, same green eyes. I can tell from his look of relief that he really does love his sister, but there's something else there. It's not something I could've recognized a few days ago, but it's painfully obvious to me now.

“Shoot,” I snarl, moving forward, pulling my arm from Gaine's grasp. As if the universe senses I could use all the help I can get, Monster You Made by Pop Evil comes on over the loudspeakers. Crap. Now I am for sure done for. As my grandmama would say, up crap creek with nothin' but your hands for oars. I walk forward with steady steps, grabbing Tease behind the neck, tangling my fingers in her hair and kissing her mouth with all the heat I got inside of me. All that Beck bullshit. I offer it up on the tip of my tongue, my body vibrating with the weight o' what I just done. Oh Mother Mary, Beck. You are a stupid fuckin' fool if I ever saw one.

I pull back from the kiss reluctantly, watching the slight shimmer of tears in Tease's eyes. She's waiting for something from me, something I've never offered up to another woman in this life. I been savin' it. Used to think that was because I never wanted to fall in love. Now I know it's because I hadn't ever found someone I wanted to fall in love with. If I feel this strongly after a couple of days, how will I feel in a couple of years? How's this for an answer: I don't give a shit. Live in the motherfuckin' moment, baby.

“What did you want to say?” she whispers, her voice barely audible over the sound of the music swirling in notes and colors all around me. I raise my chin and my voice, just so everybody can hear, so they can know how damn serious I am.

I slip my jacket off my shoulders and take a deep breath.

“Emilie 'Tease' Hathorne … ” I say, holding it out to her, offering myself up in leather and patches and honest to God truth and humility. I get caught on the words, but just for a second, when she starts to turn away. Tease pounds across the pavement while I stand there with my heart hanging out of my chest and my life bleedin' away, leaving me dry and desperate. “Emilie!” I shout, dropping my jacket to my side, ready to run after her. “I love you, Goddamn it. I didn't want to, but I do. I really fuckin' do.”

She spins to face me, red hair billowing out around her face. The tears she was holding back finally fall, sliding down her cheeks. I wait for her to come to me, prayin' that she will, hopin' to God that nobody makes fun of me for this. I'd hate to have to bust some faces. She smiles at me with that beautiful half-smile and then turns to her brother, throwing her arms around him and giving him a massive hug that I can't help but be jealous of. Her property patches stare me in the face, mocking me, making me sick to my Goddamn stomach. I almost stomp over there and tear her from his arms, but what good would that do for me? She has to come willingly or it don't mean shit.

The song begins to wind down, and I start to turn away when I see her stepping back and sliding her arms out of the jacket. Tease touches her fingers to the fabric and looks up at her brother.

“I love you, Tax,” she says and he smiles sadly, pursing his lips a bit.

“I know. And I love you, too, Tease.”

“This isn't goodbye forever, just for now.” She hands him her jacket and he takes it gingerly, letting it hang over his arm as she moves backward again, spinning around and taking off across the pavement in a run. I don't move, too scared to even dream that this means what I think it means. Tease throws herself into my ams, wrapping her hands around my neck and kissing me again, letting words tumble from her lips that only I can hear. “I love you, too, Beck. I'm not a hundred percent certain what that means yet, but I'm willing to take a chance and find out. I've never risked anything in my life, but here, now, I have to. This feels right.”